Sometimes God speaks to me in whispers. Sometimes He shouts to get my attention.
But I am not hearing God at all right now. My prayer life has been so dry. Desert dry. I find myself looking for other things to do, just to avoid that dryness. I also find myself making excuses. After all, I have deadlines. I have a heavy schedule.
I find myself avoiding my prayer time. I know God can read my heart. If I sit and try to listen to God, will He bring to my attention something I do not want to know or something I need to change about myself?
Sometimes I fear intimacy. Even intimacy with God. Being open and transparent to others is difficult. It takes trust and I am not good at trusting. And so I resist at times. I don’t always mean to resist, but I do. Maybe this is one of those times.
One way I can usually tell when my spiritual life is in the desert is by the number of books I surround myself with. I keep trying to find that one thing that will inspire me.
The other night I saw a book I had on my nightstand (A Little Daily Wisdom, Christian Women Mystics). Thinking I should bring it to Eucharistic Adoration with me, I opened it up to a page with a quote from St. Teresa of Avila. Here is part of it:
“Here’s what a friendship with our Dearest companion, our holiest God, is like. In it, intimacy is always possible and can’t be stopped, except on our side, for God is always open to us.
So let us close the door on our worldly calendars and deadlines and live instead in the paradise with the God of love… We don’t have to be mystics to accomplish this communion. We only need to focus on God with our will. That’s all. It is our own choice, and because God loves us, we can do this.”
Yes, we can.
We can “focus on God with our will.” We can pray even when we don’t “feel” like it. We can be immersed in the driest desert of our lives. But if we keep faithful, focus on God, then we are praying.
St. Teresa said that intimacy is always possible. God is always open to us. We just need to open the door and let Him in.
Which is what I finally did. I stopped. I sat still.
And I heard God’s whisper.
Copyright 2011 Colleen Spiro