Catholic Motherhood and Depression
By - Posted on September 5, 2012
Catholic Motherhood and Depression
Catholic Motherhood and depression are frequently viewed as mutually exclusive of each other.
After all, isn’t mothering a beautiful vocation as well as a graced state wherein instances of depression aren’t supposed to occur? Aren’t we Catholic wives and moms not living as God intended us to live?
While our vocations are indeed bolstered by grace, and the joys of motherhood in Christ are real, moms out there everywhere, good Catholic one even, sometimes endure serious bouts with depression.
And many suffer silently, alone and in the fear that others will judge them or their faith, or their Catholic Faith (which is already barraged enough these days with accusations of waging a “war” on women, nuns, harp seals, sunshine and prunes) should they speak up and appear to have un-met needs.
For someone like myself, I never believed I could ever become depressed.
I don’t know. I guess I figured that if I followed all of the rules I’d land in some euphoric state here upon God’s high mountain, set apart in my primordial, Catholic, maternal-ness. Or maybe I’d just want to bake all of the time.
Right.
Reality check: genuinely living one’s vocation is hard especially when the pay off is eternal. There’s no way around it.
Becoming a stay at home mom after one has gone to college, established their career and then one day just stopped can be a shock to the system. At least, it was to me. I’ve also had many working mom friends of mine, when they’ve seen me with my kids, admit quite honestly that they returned to their jobs because it was easier than what I’m doing.
If nothing else, their testimony helps me to hear that what I’m doing is universally acknowledged as hard and a genuine sacrifice.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Making the decision to give up my career and raise my children was a good decision. In fact, it’s probably the best one I’ve ever made. But it’s also almost one that literally almost killed me because of how deeply I sank into a mire of depression.
I lived in a rut for a year, and it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It’s not that my career was superior to staying home, it’s just that nothing prepared me for type of all encompassing toughness, nor the sometimes gaping isolation of motherhood (especially with two kids under two years old).
Eventually though, instead of beating myself up for not savoring the divine glory of every moment, through grace I realized that to ignore one’s genuine suffering, or to try to pretend that grief and chemical imbalances can’t occur even in these circumstances is harmful. It took getting real help – marriage help, personal counseling and a brief stint with medication to finally get better.
My advice to all moms and spouses is this: get help! And don’t wait – a woman can live a long time ignoring her feelings, needs and desires until everything becomes so heavy and lonely and burdensome, she’s done herself a disservice in faking like she’s Wonder Woman’s second cousin.
Women require a community of support. Making a woman feel like she’s weird, proud, ungrateful, or just crazy for having low moments as she is trying to persevere in being a mom is very destructive.
Catholic women especially need to hear from other Catholic women what their struggles have been and how they, and their spouses, have persevered.
Instead of frightening off secular people from marriage (which was always my fear should I dare share about my low moments), we might be surprised to find they too are grateful for that authentic witness to the truths of life. Secular moms, I’ve discovered, feel just as lonely as anyone as they live trying their best to serve their loved ones.
Remember, the enemy hates to see a happy family, and immobilizing the mother, the heart of that home is, I’m convinced, one of his most malicious devices.
So why don’t we talk about it more? Many suffer. To my knowledge, not many people write or blog about this topic. But perhaps a reader may be aware of where I might find more information about this?
I’m all ears. Any seasoned moms out there care to share how they’ve undertaken and perhaps bested their season of trials?
St Monica, pray for us!
Copyright 2012 Marissa Nichols
Marissa, thank you for raising this important topic which impacts upon so many women – and for recommending that women experiencing depression need to get immediate medical and spiritual help. Suffering in silence does not serve God nor your family. You and all of those who face this difficult situation are in my prayers!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THQNK YOU for writing this! I am struggling with this right now and it is really affecting my whole family. It is so nice to hear another Catholic woman admit this. I sometimes feel like a “bad” Catholic woman and mom because of feeling this way when many other women are touting their blessings and fulfillment. These women often make me feel more isolated since I don’t always share their feelings. It’s nice to know that I am not alone.Blessings to you!
I think that is one of the best articles I have ever read. Thank you for being the voice of so many. Depression is very misunderstood and still has a bit of stigma assoicated with it. You are article was beautiful and I know will give many hope. May God continue to bless you and your family. And to Sadie, God Bless you too.
Thank you for your article! I have definitely been there (and often). Your message is so important.
Thanks, everyone for the great comments! I would also recommend spiritual direction (and I meant to include it in the article). It’s important to balance the spiritual dimension with the psychological – I hope the helps, Michelle. God bless!
There are so many things to take into consideration when a mom experiences these symptoms and feelings. One that I’ve discovered is to know how she is “wired.” God truly has made each of us very different and an introvert can find herself in very difficult times during motherhood because she doesn’t get the down time and alone time she actually needs to balance her energies. This isn’t something esoteric, it can be very real with very real emotional and physical consequences.
Thank you so much for raising this topic!!!
There are so many considerations to be made regarding the traditional role of mother; if you are feeling alone or frustrated, look to the real experts on childcare who acknowledge that we as stay at home mothers are saving a generation of children. For example, you could check out “Who will rock the cradle?” , The battle for control of childcare in America, a series of speeches, essays and studies edited by Phyllis Schlafly, (available at Amazon), which could possibly have you homeschooling your children by the end of the book, or the extraordinarily well documented – and hilarious – books of Ann Coulter.
Also remember that women who have left the work place to the benefit of their families are considered social pariahs, the antithesis of the feminist dream, and hence have no voice in the media,or statistics are often misconstrued, and we are often left feeling alone and inadequate.
Check out “Who will rock the cradle?”. You will never forget it!
Rebecca
I love Catholic/Christian inspiration books but sometimes they made me feel inadequate for getting frustrated with my babies and not continually praising God with gratitude for them, but I realized a big part of my frustration was feeling unaccomplished as a stay at home mom.
I felt like we were home too much, and I wasn’t stimulating my children enough so I sat down and made an actual schedule of things to do and go out more (park, in laws, playdates), not easy with two under two, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.
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