Valentine’s Day is a few days away and so love is an appropriate topic. In my life I have always struggled with the belief that I am loved unconditionally by God. Intellectually I know this, but in my soul I don’t. I place conditions on why and how God loves me and it casts a shadow on my relationship with him.
The other day, while speaking with my spiritual director about my inability to allow myself to be loved by God, she asked me something about my husband. I don’t remember the question or my answer, but I do recall her response, “I think John (that would be my husband) really mirrors God’s love for you.” Wow.
He does. He tells me often that I am the best gift God has given him. I don’t always believe him. Just as I feel unworthy of God’s love I am unworthy to be the best gift. I can give you several reasons why my belief system says I am unworthy, but I’d rather focus on what I am doing to change that system.
I am learning to say “thank you” when I receive a compliment. No disclaimers allowed as to how it was no big deal, just luck, or I messed up a little. I am allowing myself to buy something I like (and can afford) even if it costs more than I usually spend. Okay, I still wait for sales or discount coupons; that’s just good money sense.
The psalms are full of reminders of God’s love for us and during Morning Prayer I often write down a verse or prayer which strikes me about the depths of his love. “He dwells in her; she will not falter.
– His loving presence will be with her.” A beautiful calendar has become my journal for writing a few words of what spoke to me during the day, a word I heard, an old friend contacting me, any moment of grace or in Ignatian Spirituality, where did I see God in my life today?
Each day God’s unconditional love is moving from head to heart.
Copyright 2013 Deanna Bartalini