Whenever I think about where I want to be in life, I become discouraged. I know life should be taken one day at a time, but I have a hard time doing that. The way I would want things now is out of reach for us. Maybe it is my imperfect nature, or I do not rest in God as much as I should, but the itch of impatience is present.
As a family, we have debated moving to another state due to high cost of living in Connecticut and lack of available land. We are very fortunate to have a nice house, in a cozy neighborhood, and a yard (no matter how small). The traffic and noise level are extreme at times and there is not enough room for a four-year-old boy to explore (let alone run around) on our 0.2 acres. I know I should not pine for what I had as a child, but our son is missing out on nature and spending time outdoors with God. I grew up with the room to roam the woods, ride my bike, and swim all in my backyard. Visiting my babbling brook was peaceful and gave me a break from stress. We had a private space to be a family.
Now I am living in a fishbowl with my whole life on display. At least five houses are visible from my front window along with a house to the left and right about a driveway distance away. Close quarters such as these make me claustrophobic. We can’t play outside as a family without being watched by all of our neighbors. I am not at ease in order to be myself at home so everything bothers me more. In order to be the person God wants me to be, I physically need more room to breathe. I can’t endure the air around me and struggling to keep our son so contained. He is strong-willed and yearns for the area to run. God has a plan and He know our needs, and it is up to me to trust in Him.
Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel