Babies are Fun… No, Wait, Aargh!

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Okay, so I had a baby three months and thirty pounds ago. Which means that I still need to lose as much as my three year old weighs just to get back to “zero” (not the size, mind you.) And I am flippin’ angry over that.

In fact I’ve been angry a lot lately. A lot.

Like when the baby is crying in the back seat and won’t take the binky that my daughter is giving him and we hit every single red light and slow driver on the road before we get home – I’ve been angry about that.

Or when a certain national drugstore chain decides to earmark half a dozen spots closest to their front door for stupid “low emissions” vehicles. Psah! You bet that rubbed me the wrong way as I swung my CO2 emitting dented and cracked American made truck into one of those spots in that “I’m postpartum and I dare you to give me a ticket” kind of way. I’m still stewing over it, though, and just might boycott the place in a personal rant over the injustice of it all.

Even worse, lately I’ve been angry with my husband over him just breathing. You know, because for most of the day, he breathes where there’s no scent of soiled diaper, or spit up, or chicken nuggets around. He called me as I composed this post (which I wrote while nursing, by the way) to say:

“Guess what? I just got a plenary indulgence!”

Now, most pious wives would be happy for their husbands about this, but I went all Dana Carvey on him, “Well, aren’t you just special?” I said. He was quiet for a second (and most likely, being English, did not understand the reference anyway) before he took his life in his hands by asking, “So what’s for dinner?”

I choked back the angry rant I could have spewed at that moment. “I don’t know. What are you cooking?” I asked. “It’s not my day to cook.” He said.

“I know. Sorry.” I said. “I guess I can just pick up some burgers,” he said.

“Great. It looks like that extra grace is really paying off today.” I said in that way. He made some comment about me giving up. I looked at the infant nursing at my breast and said, “Yup. Given up. Glad we could both cross this bridge together. So, see you in a couple of minutes?”

Check and mate. Score one for the angry gal.

You know, the angry one with a “Catholic mom” blog full with posts that frequently feature poop, domestic rants and homeschooling thoughts, because yes, I now personify every stereotype I always told myself I never would!

At this point you are probably wondering, then why do it? Why have kids and why do any of it?

I can only respond, because of this:

photo(3)

Look at him. Did you know that he laughs in his sleep? That when he sees me he lights up like I’m the sun? That the world was made more complete, and his siblings are I (believe it or not?) are better with him around?

Did I mention that I only had him three months ago? No wonder I feel this way! What do you expect, people? I had a baby only three months ago. I’m pretty sure all of this is normal. And I know exactly how to fight this thing (so if you too are in the same boat, take this down):

I’m going to make it a point to be with people and not just ask for prayers on Facebook. The presence of others helps, especially for an introvert like me whose tendency is to isolate. It’s the only thing that helps, actually, in addition to the rosary. In fact, I started this post wanting to write about how great being with people is when you have a baby, but then, you know…aargh!

Copyright 2013 Marissa Nichols

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12 Comments

  1. OMG, this is wonderful! So REAL! I know it’s not totally wonderful where you are right now, but thank you for writing this anyway. I’m currently teaching an early childhood development class for education majors and am seriously considering using this in class as a discussion piece when we talk about the “wonders” of new parenthood!

    Hang in there, Marissa – you’re right. You’re supposed to feel this way – at least for a bit.

  2. Go girl. I have had every thought you wrote about and more. Mothering is the HARDEST thing, but we will survive!! Hang in there….

  3. I feel your “pain”. I just had a baby 2 months & 3 weeks ago ( I tell myself its not 3 months yet thats why I havent lost all the baby weight) and I almost bit my optometrists head off today. He told me I need to start taking care of my dry eyes or it will get worse. He said to make sure I slept etc. Blah blah blah. All I can think about is that I cant believe I secretly scheduled this appointment to get some “me” time. Pathetic.
    Thank you for this post. It gave me a much needed laugh and reminded me Im not insane. Just a sahm w/4 kids under 8.
    BTW, they really do recommend seeing your optometrist 6-8 weeks after having a baby. Get some “me” time. :-)

  4. Amen, sister! Been there. It gets better! I’m at 9 months now with my youngest of three, and mine are three and under. Post-pardom is always the hardest, and yes, three months is still totally postpardum! The “mommy tunnel” as they call it. .. And we do need to force ourselves out , however difficult the transit can be! Don’t think God designed us to be isolated during these times.

  5. I think that it’s a GOOD thing to be able to rant and commiserate a little bit about the poop and the mess and the sleep deprivation. It’s frustrating, that’s for sure–and exhausting and challenging. Writing helps. Finding humor in the situation helps. Communicating with friends helps. Praying helps. And listening to that precious baby laugh in his sleep helps too.

  6. Sister, you are not alone! My youngest of three was 4 months old when my hubby went on a 5 day vacation with some buddies. All I could think about was how I wish I could go on a vacation with my friends. I was angry about it. I kept telling myself I should be happy for him, but I was seriously annoyed. Then I look at my sweet babes and I can’t help but want a houseful of kids!

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