No Dating, No Thanks!


I guess I’m not like most women.  Although I have been on my own with my children for more than five years now, I couldn’t be happier than I am being alone.  I have a happier and better life by myself than I did with a partner.

Friends, coworkers and acquaintances try to interest me in meeting men and going out.  I don’t want to!

No Dating

My fondest wish, my fantasy, is to be a stay-at-home mom.  Unfortunately, I must be a full-time, work-outside-the-home mom so that my kids and I do not have to live in a cardboard box under the freeway.

I am out of reach from my children more than they or I would like.  I am not present or available many times when they need me, and they are on their own while I am at work after school and on school holidays and their summer vacations.

I do not desire to “meet anyone” and become even busier and more preoccupied than I already am.

Having no interest in dating is incredibly liberating!  Before I met my husband, whenever I met a guy, I always wondered in the back of my mind what he thought of me.  Was he attracted?  Was I making a good impression?  Did he like me?

Now it simply does not matter, and I feel FREE.  No wondering, no distraction, no flirting.  I am friends with male coworkers, and it is very comfortable when there is just friendship with no question of “what if…” in the mix.

With no dating, I have no temptation to be with a man outside of marriage.  I am happy to “avoid the near occasion of sin.”  In choosing a chaste life, I feel free.  I know I said that before, but it’s huge.  In being true to Jesus, He does more for me than any man could.

Sometimes I have wondered whether my independence is just a sin.  I like being my own boss and not having to answer to anyone.  I like solitude.  I enjoy being alone.  I don’t want a husband.  Is that selfishness and pride?

But then I think about our Blessed Mother. After she lost St. Joseph, Mary did not want another husband either.  Her choice is my choice.  She makes me feel validated.

I understand most people want a special bond with someone.  A “soulmate.”  Someone to grow old with.

I love those people.  I love married couples.  I hope both my children marry holy spouses and stay married.

But for myself, I don’t want it.  Jesus is the only soulmate I want.

I will have old lady friends to grow old with and play Bunco!

God has blessed me with an independent nature, and I am making the most of it.  I am enjoying my freedom and independence.

Are you or someone you know a single Catholic mom?  What do you think about dating, remarrying or choosing to live a chaste life?

Copyright 2013 Deborah Shelby


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