It’s not that we don’t know how, it’s just that, well, I don’t wanna.
I am somehow so schizophrenically lazy that I would rather carry, birth, diaper, breastfeed and raise forevermore a human being than put color-coded baby stickers on a paper chart each night. Don’t even get me started on waking up early every morning to take my temp. Not.Ever.Happening.
So, how can you be as lazy as me? Simple. Follow these 5 steps:
1. Put your charts/thermometers/readers/etc. anywhere but your bedroom. Good places include a box in the basement, your minivan glovebox, or your parents’ house (don’t do that).
2. Give your Creighton stickers to your 2yo. They make wonderful decorations for relatives’ birthday cards and artwork for daddy’s office.
3. When you use the restroom, make sure your children can not only reach the door handle, but that they can open it too. This will ensure that you never get to go alone, let along have the mental focus to check for signs of fertility.
4. Avoid any kind of interaction with your instructor. If you’re like me, you will choose an instructor who is about to go on maternity leave. This will ensure you plenty of time to pretend you don’t need to answer to anyone about your charts.
5. Plug your ears and say, “la la la la laaaaa” whenever someone tries to tell you there is an easier method that might work better for you.
I can all but guarantee that you will be a pro at not-planning if you master the above.
But seriously, no one ever said I had to do it, right? I consider myself greatly blessed. Lazy and greatly blessed. My husband has a wonderful job that affords me to stay at home with our two kids. We want for nothing – ok, I want for way too much, but I NEED nothing. Our children are healthy and happy. I have successfully postponed pregnancies after each birth by just breastfeeding alone. I have no medical reasons to track my cycles. And we want more children.
So, maybe someday we will be in a position where we will have “grave reasons” for avoiding. And if/when that day comes, I know what I need to do. I’ve got that knowledge on the back burner. But for now, I am going to be lazy about it. I’m counting my blessings and being open to receiving them.
And, I know many women struggle. I know. And I pray for all of you. This is just my life and the way I (don’t) do things.
Copyright 2014 Jenna Hines