How do you know if a loved one's in Heaven?


Image Credit: Lisa A. Schmidt. All rights reserved.

One day shortly after my father passed away, I had lunch with a trusted spiritual friend, a deacon of the Church, in fact. This deacon’s father had also passed away at about the same age I was then, and the deacon was a great resource during my time of grief. During our lunch, I made an off-handed comment about how comforting it was to think about my dad resting well in Heaven. The deacon stopped me. “How do you know he’s in Heaven?” The conversation then went a little like this (paraphrased a bit as it’s been six years):

Me: Well, I guess I don’t know. I have faith that he’s home with Jesus now.

Deacon: Don’t assume. You don’t know. And what if he’s not there? You must pray for your dad every day and help him get to Heaven.

At this point in our conversation, the deacon rightly brought up the Church’s beautiful teaching on purgatory. I listened carefully and pondered greatly. And then I asked the following.

Me: How will I know when he’s in Heaven?

Deacon: Pray about it, and you’ll know in due time. The Holy Spirit will send you confirmation.

In honor of today’s observation of the Commemoration of all the Faithful Departed (All Souls), here’s the rest of the story I originally shared on my personal blog two years ago.

* * *

One recent afternoon on a day that had been particularly full of activity, I had one tired baby on my hands. So I snuck her into the master bedroom in hopes of quietly nursing her to sleep. As I laid her down to rest, I heard screams from the level below.

“Mom there’s a bird in our house! THERE’S A BIRD IN THE HOUSE! There’s a red cardinal in our house!” screamed my freaked-out five-year-old daughter.

For a moment, I was rather impressed she knew her bird species. Then quickly back to reality. There’s a bird in my house?!?! The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up, and I started doing that heebie-jeebies wiggly thing with my body.

I grabbed the baby, who by now was no longer snuggling in for her nap, and yelled to the five-year-old as I raced downstairs, “Grab your brother and meet me outside.”

Let’s stop right there. What kind of mother sends a five-year-old in to rescue a two-year-old to safety? Well, this mother did. I just couldn’t expose the baby to the bird, right? And this whole thing happened because the older two left the patio door wide open, so the punishment fits the crime, right?

By this point my son was also freaking out, wailing in fact, with tears streaming down his face. We all barreled out of the house doing a choreographed heebie-jeebies wiggly dance number and took refuge in the front yard. It was late in the afternoon, so my husband Joel would be home soon. The kids and I would hang outside while the red bird enjoyed his joyride around our house. Joel could tackle the bird (not literally) when he got home.

So we waited and waited and waited for Joel to come home and save us from that bird. I didn’t have my phone with me, and I had no way to get in touch with him to tell him his damsel was in distress. And no way was I going to step foot inside that house to get anything.

So with no phone to distract me, I was now a hands-free mama who could enjoy an impromptu playdate with my kids in the front yard. I also started to think about cardinals. Several years ago when I was going through a difficult time in my life, my dad and I sat together at his kitchen table while enjoying our morning cup of coffee. A winter storm had just rolled through, and their backyard was beautifully covered with a white blanket of snow. Dad, knowing I was in an emotional black hole, asked me to look out the window and describe the scenery. He asked something like, “Do you see pure white snow, the red cardinal singing, the unique formation of icicles hanging? Or is all you see the bitter cold, dreary sky, and lifeless trees?” At the time I probably rolled my eyes and smugly responded to his question, but his point stung, a teachable moment. My troubles were blinding me from seeing His beauty.

I now associate cardinals with my dad; when I see a cardinal, I think of him. What a blessing that our backyard is often visited by one or two. And now our family room, too. As I sat in the front yard that day, freaking out about the cardinal inside my home, memories of my late father interceded, calming my nerves and filling my heart. Then a divine thought popped into my mind that maybe, just maybe, this was the sign that the deacon told me to pray for. A cardinal in my home.

Could it be the cardinal in my home was some sort of confirmation from the Holy Spirit that my dad was finally home? Home, as in Heaven?

When Joel arrived home, the kids excitedly told him about the bird in the house, and my knight in shining armor ran into the house to save us all from the bird. After a few battle rounds with the cardinal, Joel was able to shoo it out a window. Rumor has it there was tackling involved after all. Maybe Joel will one day write the unedited, uncensored version about his experiences with the bird.

Maybe the bird is a sign. Maybe not. Was is providential or coincidental? I have absolutely no certainty. But I can choose to see God’s handiwork in that moment. There were several positive things that happened that day, from meeting a new neighbor walking by while we were held hostage, to hearing my daughter offer a spontaneous prayer, “Dear God, please give my dad courage so he can get the bird out of our house so we can go back inside to eat dinner which gives us strength,” to pausing and reflecting on all the wonderful memories I had with my dad.

What I do know is that praying for the dead is one of the greatest acts of charity we can perform. Our prayers help them during their time in Purgatory, to help them enter more quickly into the fullness of Heaven. While our first responsibility is to pray for those we have known, it is important to remember those souls who are most forsaken and who have no one to pray for them. I must continue to pray for my father, friends and family, and other unknown souls in Purgatory who have gone before me.

On that note, friends, let us pray:

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.


Copyright 2015 Lisa A. Schmidt
Image Credit: Lisa A. Schmidt. All rights reserved.


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  1. “The Holy Spirit will send you confirmation”…My dad was schizophrenic and in the last years of his life lived away from his family after a failed marriage and lived some aspects of his life in contradiction to his earlier beliefs, so I was very concerned when he died about his entrance into heaven. I also knew that he was sick, and couldn’t be held accountable for all of his actions, but which ones? A couple of months after his death a cousin contacted me to say she had just received a returned Christmas card in the mail that she had sent my dad 3 months before when he was sick stamped “undeliverable”. It kind of spooked her but it was my confirmation. Thanks for this “extra” confirmation today.

  2. Wow congrats I need help my mom is currently 36 with five kids and she’s a single mother because her husband passed June six 2017 she’s not dying or anything I just don’t know when people pass in this world or where they go I have been crying all day because I been thinking about this rappers death so I was on YouTube and you know I looked on and is he really dead I don’t know if he is but ever since he died I have been looking at videos that say things u didn’t know about heaven and how u have a angel that watches over you and more stuff like that she not dead I just wanna know why am I scared of death and why am I afraid to sleep alone ever since people have been dying in my life I been extra careful kinda on how i talk to my mom I mean we argue me and my family do alot and I think into it like why am I argue when I could be sharing good moments with them I just hope what u said praying would help them get to heaven I hope it does I really do if u see this then bless your soul sweet heart I’m glad your dad went to heaven 😢😢😘

  3. Thanks for sharing your story! It’s inspirational. The link to “purgatory” took me to a blank page. Is there another link?

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