Why We Should Stop Protecting Our Children

"Why We Should Stop Protecting Our Children" by Abby Brundage (CatholicMom.com)

Copyright 2008 gemsling via Flickr. All rights reserved.

I recently heard a story about a woman who, in tears, called a friend, saying she felt like she had failed as a mother because her son was in pain due to her divorce. The friend stopped her and said, Hang on. Before you say anything else, tell me three characteristics you’d like your son to have when he becomes a man.

The crying friend answered, I’d like him to be brave, strong and wise.

To which the listening friend responded, I don’t know any man who is those things who hasn’t gone through some serious pain. So why are you trying to protect him?

I hate seeing my children cry. Unless it’s because they are in trouble with me. Then I wring my hands and laugh in my best villainous cackle, knowing I got through to them. Muah ha ha!

For real, though. I will do everything in my power to help them avoid a trip and fall or getting their feelings hurt, and the thought of them really, truly being in incredible pain makes my stomach turn. When my kids are in pain, I’m in pain. But why do we try to avoid it at all costs? If you look back on the painful moments of your life, did they not build character in you? Didn’t you learn a lesson? Or most importantly, didn’t you grow closer to God?

Still not on board with the idea of seeing your child suffer? I’m not in 100% either, but let me offer you this, or rather, her: Saint Josephine Bakhita.

She was born in Sudan in 1869 and historians believe that sometime in February 1877, Josephine was kidnapped by Arab slave traders. For the next 12 years she would be bought, sold and given away over a dozen times. She spent so much time in captivity that she forgot her original name.

Once she was asked what she would do if she met those who kidnapped and tortured her. Her answer: If I were to meet them, I would kneel and kiss their hands. For if these things had not happened to me, I would not have become a Christian and a religious sister. I would never have come to know Christ my Lord.

Now I’m not proposing that we put our children in physical or emotional harm’s way, but I am suggesting that we stop being afraid of it. I know I’ve laid in bed before, thinking of the horrible things that might happen to my boys and pleading with God that He not let them suffer. But if (and likely when) the troubles do arise if we help our children embrace them for the opportunities they are, I think they will come out on the other side as winners in two ways.

  1. They will understand how to cooperate with the grace that can only come during a struggle.
  2. They will learn that they don’t have to be afraid of suffering.

Allow St. Josephine to inspire you to kneel and kiss the hands of your own struggles so you can pass that courage and gratitude on to the ones you love.

Copyright 2017 Abby Brundage


About Author

Abby Brundage Watts is a mother of two little boys. Since January of 2008 she has hosted The Big, Big House Morning Show on Spirit FM 90.5, the radio ministry of the Catholic Diocese of St. Petersburg in Florida. The show mixes inspiration, humor and family fun (and great music of course)! You can hear Abby every weekday 6-10am, EST and online at www.myspiritfm.com. She also is the co-creator of the podcast, Perhaps This Is the Moment. You can find it on all the podcast platforms.


  1. Excellent points. By nature as women and mothers, I believe that we often want to ‘fix’ all the struggles of those we love. I have learned over the years, to adjust my prayers for my kids to include- ‘let me not be an obstacle in the path of God’s will for those I love’ I know that as much as I love them, God loves them more and has a deeper desire than I do to bring them closer or back to Him. Sometimes, this will include them going through pain that I pray will draw them closer to Him. Nowadays, I tell my adult kids-‘I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’ll pray for you and I know you’ll work it out.;

    • Abby Brundage on

      I guess it takes discipline and desire to always allow God’s will to be done in our own lives. That will spill over into our mothering. Thanks, Jane!

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