As I read prayers and passages I often come across the term “child-like trust.” Every time the message begs the same request – grant that we have child-like trust in you. And, every time I struggle with the same anger that repels my eyes, ears, and heart from the words.
A tormented mind immediately spouts, “I do not even know what child-like trust is, having had mine strangled at the age of six.”
When I was in my twenties, I sought therapy for the havoc twelve years of abuse had littered upon my life. At that time, the one person I had previously confided in told me no one wanted to hear my problems – basically, pull up your bootstraps and get on with it! Furthermore, I did not know God, so the thought of turning to someone I did not comprehend or even recognize never crossed my mind. I was very much alone!
Now, some twenty years later, “child-like trust” continues to loiter amid my prayer life. After much frustration and fight, these words offer a new healing opportunity – one I never knew I needed or even existed – Spiritual Healing.
Until about 18 months ago, I had never spent time speaking with God about my past. Through the help of Spiritual Direction, I’m learning simply speaking is not the same as truly discussing. When I was in secular therapy, my psychologist always commented that I sounded like I was reading from a book, telling someone else’s story.
This is my story, and as I journey toward understanding, I’m learning I travel with many. Let us all open ourselves up for discussion. God longs to hear you! Tell HIM your story so that HE might help us understand HIS place there and offer HIS Spiritual Healing.
I stand at the gates.
Do I long to enter?
The only way through
is by hate’s fiery center.
Fear is my companion,
for I know her well.
It is she who has accompanied
my past journeys through hell.
She introduced me to hate
who cleansed me of pain.
It is he who taught me the way
to mend my soul-filled stains.
The only one I did not know
was HE I now speak to.
Besides fear and hate, I had nothing!
So where in my hell were you?
Your fear kept you safe
your hate – it was just.
But, now to find peace
grant ME lost child-like trust.
Wait, you’re coming with me?
What, after all this time?
This is a journey I’ve traveled!
Have you ever been by my side?
MY child, look at your feet.
Are there signs of scorch?
As you journeyed through hell,
MY body unto your path was poured.
I know you’ve lingered,
lost in these depths,
allow ME to become your treads,
guiding back those worn footsteps.
Copyright 2017 Kimberly Nettuno