Desperation is the key to change, to opening our hearts to receive something, actually, anything from God. Only when I am desperate, only when I am fed up with myself as I continue to suffer day after day with wounded emotions, a sick body, and a tired mind, only then am I really willing to accept and receive healing. It seems that I first must hit bottom before I will to let go of the familiar, even when the familiar is a sickness.
To change and accept healing love means that I must let go of control, surrender, and trust in God. Surrendering goes against every cell in my body because in my pride, I like to be in control. I like to do things by my own strength. When I am desperate enough, I will humbly ask God to transform me in His power.
My life together with my husband has been a tough journey through poverty, raising nine kids, facing overwhelming chores on a small family farm and dealing with long-term clinical depression.
When I once asked a priest what my life would have been like if I had not suffered, if I had married a well-off dentist, had 1.25 kids and lived in an efficient, modern house, he put on a phony, pious face, put his hands together in prayer, and said in a high, mocking voice, ”Oh, you would be a nice Christian lady, praising the Lord.” What he meant by that amusing bit of acting was I would be shallow, without depth and strength. He might I would not have been desperate enough to pray and allow Christ to heal and transform me.
It Was Desperation
Just take a look at the healing of the woman who suffered from a hemorrhage for twelve long years. As Jesus made His way to the house of Jairus, people pressed in on Him from every side, but only one woman of the many people who touched Christ was able to draw healing power from Him. This woman was desperate to be healed. I don’t think she was the only one who believed that Jesus was capable of healing her. I mean, the entire crowd was excited, following Him, hoping to witness yet another miracle at Jairus’s house. No, it wasn’t simply faith that drew healing power from Christ, it was the woman’s desperation.
Jesus had the power to heal everyone who touched Him that day but only one person touched Him with that rare combination of faith and open-hearted longing and desperation. Only one person was open and humble enough to receive a flow of healing power from Christ.
When I feel stuck, I always try to be honest with myself, to ask myself if I am desperate enough to surrender control to my Saviour. Only when I am so tired of my old patterns, only then am I open to a modern day miracle in my life. Ever time we give Christ permission to transform us, a real miracle happens.
The Lord knows my heart, my fears, my rigidity, my sin. In His mercy, he delights in melting my resistance and placing a desperate hunger for more of His healing love within me. The more love within my heart, the greater Christs presence and the less of me.
Copyright 2017 Melanie Jean Juneau