When life gives you crazy-pie, sometimes there’s nothing you can do except eat it. Eat it and trust it doesn’t cause adverse reactions. We typically homeschool, but several factors have led me to register my son (grade 2) in regular school halfway through the year. Primarily, back issues have led me to multiple weekly appointments. This has taken a large bite out of our homeschooling time. Our homeschool week was left asunder with no rhythm and much chaos, which ended with my son and me fighting a lot over schoolwork. And I mean a lot.
I found myself in a position of wrangling with whether it would damage our relationship further by putting him in regular school or if it would bring peace to both of us. For me, while school is important, our relationship is even more important. I entered this struggle not exactly knowing what would be best in this situation.
Perspective Is Important
I spoke with my spiritual director about all this. He dropped a truth-bomb on me: “Well, maybe it’s possible God allowed your back to break in order for you to put your son in school.” [Note: my back isn’t literally broken] And I thought, ‘Well, doesn’t that put some perspective into this experience.’
‘Cause to some extent, this is true. God does not cause bad things to happen, but he does allow evil/the bad to exist. It is through God that goodness can be brought out of the bad. At this point, I do not know anything more than this: I have medical appointments and my 8-year-old needs consistency to flourish in his schooling. Both of those things have not worked with homeschooling recently, and I don’t see them working soon either.
As I allow the possibility that God can still work to his great glory in this, my need for certainty and assurances wanes. I find it easier to say, ‘If this is your will, God, then I will cooperate with you.’ And while I would love to be able to proclaim, ‘I joyfully run with abandon into your plan!’ the reality is often a lot more minuscule. It is a lot more humbling. A lot more, “Gee, God, are you sure? I suppose I can try this …”
God Calls Us to Trust
I think it’s natural for us to cling to the things we know. God knows this, and yet God continues to call us out of ourselves and trust him. Even when we don’t see the end-game. The things that help us prepare our hearts to respond willingly to God’s call are God’s grace, the sacraments, and prayer. The more we immerse ourselves into the experience of God’s love and presence, the easier it is to trust that there is a plan, even if it’s outside our box. We need to build that relationship through encounter; it’s hard to trust the God that we don’t know.
At this point, I’ve accepted God’s plan, but I still struggle in giving it all over to him. I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay. The worry, the concerns, the sadness … it all still flows through my veins as I struggle to say with my whole being: Jesus, I trust in you.
How is God calling you to trust him in your struggles?
Copyright 2018 Jane Korvemaker