Humanae Vitae's Profound Message on Responsible Parenthood

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"Humanae Vitae's profound message"

Copyright 2014 Tim Baklinski of Two Trees Photography. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

In this year of the 50th Anniversary of Humanae Vitae (Pope Paul VI, On Human Life), I’d like to share our family’s experience with how this encyclical shaped our decision making with regard to responsible parenthood.

Responsible parenthood … has one further essential aspect of paramount importance. It concerns the objective moral order which was established by God, and of which a right conscience is the true interpreter. In a word, the exercise of responsible parenthood requires that husband and wife, keeping a right order of priorities, recognize their own duties toward God, themselves, their families and human society.

I drifted in and out of consciousness in the ambulance. I didn’t have much time for retrospective thoughts, except “Please God, I can’t die. I don’t want my little boys growing up without a mom.” I was bleeding internally, the complications of ectopic pregnancy surgery two weeks previous, and quickly becoming weaker and weaker. Waking up later in the recovery room, I was thankful to be alive.

“You should not be having any more children.” The words were harsh and at first, we took them as truth. I was capable of having more, but after two ectopic pregnancies and complications from one of the surgeries, we were told that we must limit our family to three boys. One of the doctors suggested that I be put on hormonal contraception. He later advised me to have my remaining fallopian tube tied. The physician wasn’t the only one to give the ‘order’ to stop having children. Well-meaning relatives and friends felt it was their duty to tell us that we should not get pregnant again. “You don’t want to be irresponsible, do you?”

It concerns the objective moral order which was established by God …

It became evident, as we dialogued with both the physicians and the well-meaning relatives and friends, that they were concerned only about my physical health. Most of them cared little, if at all, for my/our spiritual well being. And, initially, in those first few weeks after my surgery, we felt that we ought to listen to the “doctor’s orders.”

However, as the months went by, I began to regain my strength. We continued using NFP in the most conservative way, often adding one or two days to the rules for extra security. A year later, with heaviness in my heart, I thought of the future and the fact that we would not have anymore children. I wondered whether God was calling us to actively seek another pregnancy. My husband and I discussed it, then brought our concern to our spiritual director, explaining to him that the doctor told us that we should not have any more children.

“James and Ellie,” he said, “that is a decision to be made between the two of you and God.” He encouraged us to pray about it and he further recommended that we talk to a faithful Catholic doctor. We knew of a Catholic physician through a neighboring homeschooling community. Her response after reviewing my file was that we could try for more children, but that I would need to be monitored carefully in the first several weeks to confirm that it wasn’t another ectopic pregnancy.

… a right conscience is the true interpreter…

For the next several months, we prayed together. We deeply desired another child, but we did not want to be careless or irresponsible. After much prayer and discernment, and weighing all the risks, we decided to actively seek another pregnancy.

…the exercise of responsible parenthood requires that husband and wife, keeping a right order of priorities …

A year later, we were still not pregnant. We felt at peace with our decision to seek another pregnancy and, although disappointed, we trusted that God knew what He was doing. Eventually, we stopped charting. Another eight cycles went by with no pregnancy and I began to sell off most of my baby furniture. A few weeks later, it dawned on me that I hadn’t had a period in six weeks. The next morning, I took my temperature and it was 98.9. After 18 months of saying no to us, God was saying yes and blessing us with another eternal soul. I was thrilled that another new life, the fruit of our love, had begun, and would be sheltered lovingly in my womb.

With the blessing, however, soon came extreme suffering. I began having debilitating migraine headaches, and some days I could not get out of bed. Worse than the physical pain, however, was the emotional suffering. Doctors, well-meaning friends and relatives told us that we were being “irresponsible” and “selfish,” and that if I was suffering, “I had asked for it.”

At 30 weeks, our unborn baby was six pounds and I had already gained 50 pounds. That might not seem like much, but with my four-feet-nine-inch frame, it meant that I could not drive (the seat had to be pushed back so far to allow for my large stomach that my feet couldn’t reach the pedals) and I could not walk the last six weeks of the pregnancy.

Our son, Adam, was born eight weeks later at nearly ten pounds. The pro-life Catholic doctor who delivered Adam by C-section told me that we could try for another baby someday, but that the pregnancy would again have to be closely monitored. Three years later, our youngest son, Paul was conceived after only one month of trying and born just two days before my 40th birthday.

… recognize their own duties toward God, themselves, their families and human society.

The words of Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae courageously proclaim the truth of responsible parenthood. The decision to have or avoid another child remains a decision between the couple and God. No one else ought to make such a life-changing and important choice because no one else will have to endure the consequences (and joys), nor will anyone else have to stand before God someday and explain their actions.

"Humanae Vitae's profound message"

Then and now: Adam and Paul. Copyright 2018 Ellen Gable Hrkach. All rights reserved.

Although we could have used NFP to avoid pregnancy permanently and to limit our family to three sons, we chose to listen to our hearts, to answer God’s calling, and to seek more children. When I consider that our two youngest sons (now ages 19 and 22) might possibly not be here today, my heart becomes heavy. Both are unique, talented and amazing human beings who have already given so much to our family and to society.  I am grateful to God – and to Blessed Pope Paul VI – because I can’t imagine our family — and our world — without them.


Copyright 2018 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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About Author

Ellen and her husband, James, have been certified NFP teachers for the Couple to Couple League since 1984. She’s also an award-winning, bestselling author of eight books, an editor, a publisher and a self-publishing book coach. Her newest novel is Julia's Gifts. Ellen lives in Pakenham, Ontario with her husband and sons. Contact her at: fullquiverpublishing(at)gmail.com

5 Comments

  1. Beautiful testimony! We have four children, all born via C-section, and have been advised not to have more due to surgical risk with increased scar tissue. It’s SOOO hard to know what constitutes “grave matter” vs. just secular doctors being risk averse and thinking another baby’s “not worth the risk.” We’ve already had family members call us irresponsible, and sadly I’ve felt embarrassed announcing our last couple pregnancies.

    A Catholic doctor seems like a good option to look into. This was also a good reminder that discernment is a continuous process. Thanks!

    • Here in Brazil C-section is very common, unfortunately. There is a high pressure from the doctors to have C-sections so they can get more money and “limit” the number of children. Over 60% of all labors are from C-sections. Among wealthy people it get as high as 90%. So if you want to have a large family here, you have to “fight” the system and the doctors. I have a friend with 11 children and 10 (ten!!) C-sections. This coulple only tries to have a 2 year gap between labors, to lower the risks. I had 4 C-sections myself and the doctor adivsed to wait 3 years for another pregnancy. But after just one year, looking at my ultrasound exam, she said I was already ready to get prenant again. So my advice is to look for a pro life doctor so you can be sure if there is a real risck or not. And for other family members, when you annouce a new baby, you can always say: “it is much better one more child, than one less, don´t you think?”

      • Fascinating! I wonder what they can see from an ultrasound? Can they check a thinning uterus and/or scar tissue that way?

        • Yes! In my case, it was very difficult to sew my uterus in the last C-section, it was very thin, since I had 3 babies in 3 years. So the doctor thought it would be necessary 3 years to recover from that. But after the first year, the ultrasound showed that my uterus was thick enough to hold another baby.

  2. I hear you! Discernment is definitely a continual process. When I look into the faces of our two youngest, I know for a fact that it was definitely worth the risk! Praying for you!!

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