I walk into the water — it is a little cooler than yesterday. The rough rocks and sand brush up against my feet as the waves gently roll in and out.
Today was a good morning of fishing. My brother, Andrew, calls out to me. His net is worn from his last catch. “Peter,” he says, “you are so skilled at mending nets — can you help me?”
With my callused hands, I weave in the ropes of the net. It is rough — but this brings me joy … it is all too familiar to me. As I mend the net, I recall with my brother some childhood memories of fishing.
Everything seems so simple, calm, ordinary, comfortable. Until … I hear my name. No, this isn’t Andrew.
“Peter!” I turn.
Who is this? He is unknown to me … Yet I feel so known and seen.
He gazes at me. It is as though my heart is read. My yearnings, fears, failures, and most of all, my inmost desire for something more are seen by this man.
“Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Matthew 4:19
He is a stranger — yet not. This man knows me. He asks me to go from something familiar to what is not. He gives a vocation to me, even though I do not know all the details. He presents a risk of leaving all that is comfort, all I love … because there is something more.
He calls me. I know not who, but this man, whoever He is, knows me even beyond how I know myself.
My desire to be a fisherman — it tugs at my heart. But, I feel called to use these gifts for more.
Will I leave? My mind tells me I do not know … it is not secure … but my heart calls me. There is something about this man that calls to the depths of my being. Will I trust?
As I pray on this image of the calling of Peter and Andrew by Tissot, my heart aches as it looks to Peter.
I ask myself how he left all that was home to him — to be a mendicant, a wanderer with the Lord.
It is a mystery, but often, Jesus calls to us in similar ways. Just when we think we are secure and in control in life, God can often point us to another call.
We have all encountered those times in life where the things that always “fit” no longer do. Those times which, when we truly silence our hearts, we hear a deeper call. And we cannot be satisfied unless we give heed to this voice. It is as though our hearts are restless until we listen to the Lord. It is times like these that we have to ask ourselves a question: Do I know about Jesus without truly knowing Him? Do I trust Him enough to take the leap?
All to often we can ignore the voice of the Lord, hoping that we can just stay in familiarity of knowing. But God desires more. He knows us. He created us. And He will not stop pursuing until we find Him.
My dear sisters, Peter left because he felt known. He was noticed by the Lord. He allowed the space for relationship with Jesus.
Do you give Jesus this space? Do you hear Him calling your name? Or do you try to drown out the voice and avoid Him?
My dear sister in Christ, can you say that you have met Jesus, and not just know about Him? Place yourself in this scene and allow Jesus to look at you as he looks at Peter.
What does Jesus say to your heart? What is He asking of you? Let us act in courage, and hold nothing back.
Copyright 2018 Katie Woltornist