Reflection by Kimi Nettuno
Today’s Gospel: Matthew 9:14-15
At my doctor’s visit this year, a diagnosis of hypertension welcomed me. Due to adverse side effects toward medications, including hospitalization, I would be controlling this endeavor naturally.
This process, under a doctor’s care, began with an extended water fast. At 105 lbs and suffering from the ongoing side effects of hypertension, including vertigo, I shuddered. Well, I’ve fasted before; I fast during the obligatory days of Lent. Erratic attempts at comforting thoughts ended in a drastic analysis – Had I fasted? The answer? No. Yes, of course, I preyed upon the “two small meals to sustain” blaming my small frame and pesky shakiness. Sound familiar? Am I the Pharisee in this passage? Things must change!
In a sense, something did appear out of reach – missing – even taken. If I wanted to reclaim it, it was time to learn what it meant to fast. I began on Friday to prep my body for additional, confirming blood work on Monday.
Friday – feeling good, even confident, I can do this.
Saturday – feeling foggy, irritable, less confident, why me?
Finally, Sunday – feeling weak, tempted, void.
Wait; I was a Eucharistic Minister at Mass. Trembling and cloudy, I stood upon the altar. Then, all emptiness – mind, body, and soul – began dissolving. The blessed Body placed upon my tongue, begins to melt into me – becoming sustenance – a part of being – life. Deficiency dissipates. Trusted to my fragile grip now rests the Blessed Cup. As this gift of nourishment slips down my throat, it journeys with intention, then resides. Lack overflows with abundance as I encounter the Lord’s company. I am full.
What does it mean to you to fast or be empty? In mind? Body? Spirit? What does it mean to be filled?
Fill me, Lord, for I am empty.
Copyright 2019 Kimi Nettuno
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