My desk is a jumbled mess. I have stacks, and piles, and groups of folders that probably belong in a filing cabinet but will never make it to a file drawer. If I’m feeling generous, I’ll tack it onto my bulletin board.
Despite this haphazard appearance, there’s a semblance of organization. There’s order in the disorder.
I like it. I’m comfortable with it and any attempt to change is not only short-lived but difficult.
Believe me, I’ve wanted to have labels and colored file folders. Beautiful day planners remain unfilled. Bullet journals overwhelm me. I’m sure there’s an app designed just for me, but I can’t keep up with where I left my phone.
In short, I’m messy when it comes to my workflow even though I get stuff done. I’ve noticed this has bled over into some of my spiritual practices as well.
I used to have a constant discipline in my prayer life.
I got up early and read Scripture and did a little journaling. I had certain devotions that I prayed at certain times. There was a time and place for everything, and everything had a place and time.
Now my spiritual life looks like my desk. I suppose everything is still there, but the regimented system is gone. I still read, and write, and pray but it seems a little more fluid these days.
Organized-me wants to correct this mess but there’s order in that chaos, and in this season of my prayer life, I am embracing it.
Ora et Labora
I enjoyed an excellent season of Benedictine order – of praying and working, Ora et Labora – no doubt due to living so close to the Monastery of the Holy Spirit in Conyers. I learned the beauty of the Divine Office.
These days, however, I am drawn to mental prayer inspired by St. Teresa of Avila, who advocated friendship with Jesus. I find myself talking in prayer while I drive, do the dishes, fold clothes.
Staring at an empty screen when I should be writing.
Committing to a weekly Holy Hour has changed my prayer to a conversation with the Lord. I am endeavoring to live in thanksgiving, which often means small, but I hope, earnest declarations of praise and thanksgiving as my day unfolds.
Perhaps I’ll return to the Divine Office or end up with a combination, but for now, in this new season of prayer, I am finding great joy in these aspirations that come to me as naturally as inhaling and exhaling.
How do you pray?
Copyright 2019 Maria Morera Johnson