The Luminous Mystery of Marriage, A Primer for All of Us
It’s June so it’s high wedding season. For all those entering into the feast at Cana, here are a few ways to keep your marriage sacramental. Placing Christ in the forefront of your relationship transforms the bumps and bruises and difficulties of daily life into moments of grace, transform moments when all you have is water, into wine. The Luminous mystery of the sacrament of marriage is explained very simply by Mary. She addresses the servants and points to her son, “Do whatever He tells you.”
How do we place Christ in our marriage first?
1. Discover how the other prays. Some have the gift of song, others read scriptures, there are people devoted to the rosary and those who illustrate their love of God through service. Each person is different and ideally, a couple should recognize and know already, the style by which each individual communicates most often with God. If one person is not spiritually invested, it is a time to ask why and to begin discernment. The one who does pray, should begin making prayer for their beloved to discover the graces, the joys, the blessings of a personally connected relationship with God a consistent petition and be a patient example rather than a nagging one. If possible, pray together, create a new tradition, a decade at bed or the daily scripture over coffee. Being connected to each other doesn’t require a minimum commitment, but a daily regimen, likewise being connected to God also isn’t a Sunday only obligation. Every day is religion day. Every day requires discernment and requests for grace.
2. Set a date night once a week if possible. In courtship, playing together, planning for each other is part and parcel of the joy of becoming a couple. In marriage, this simple component is required to combat “death by minutia” from bills, from the hassles of work and the dust bunnies of daily life that can push a couple apart despite spending more time together. It doesn’t have to be expensive; it can be a walk in a park, a shared ice cream sundae. What matters is time. Quality time counts. Play matters for relationships. Plan to play.
3. Give a little extra. In cooking, it’s called Lagniappe. An unexpected touch of flowers, or a chore done that the other normally takes care of, a solicitous question, a back rub, any little thing that shows more care for the other than for one’s self done willingly, done graciously and done well, can soften the hardest of hearts. Doing little things with great love, grows love; both in the giver and the receiver. Be a good giver of these little things often.
4. Seek out peers and mentors. Cling to family and friends that support your marriage and build you and your spouse up legitimately. Seek out friends that tell you when you are engaged in unhealthy or wrong behavior, family that does not tear down you or your spouse, but provide good counsel on how to be a strong couple and a source of strength and light to the world. Avoid poison pill people that tear down dreams, hopes, goals and people. Guard your hearts and your spouse. Keep your home a place of peace by inviting people into your lives that help promote holiness and joy, health and goodness.
5. Schedule regular check-ups for your health, finances, careers, family goals and spiritual growth with each other. Sunday nights are a good time for these sort of maintenance talks to gage how things are going, and keep track of each other; to make sure the marriage is first and that these big areas of life are not ignored until they become sources of crisis or conflict. The weekly board room type meeting about where are we going and what are we doing allows couples to dream big and dream together, rather than hold secrets in their hearts about the things in life that really matter; in-laws, children, career changes, fears about money or worries about the future, and little things that matter a lot anyway, chores, diets, budgets and each other’s habits.
Lastly, hold tight to the sacraments, reconciliation and receiving of the Eucharist. These gifts of Christ keep spirits young and gentle and provide additional opportunities for grace for when real problems occur, involving suffering, loss and death. So hold tight to your beloved today and everyday. Recognize that this great gift of marriage is a reminder of life before the fall, a touch of the garden of Eden we didn’t lose in being banished. Love each other well, serve Christ well and watch the luminous mystery of marriage in your life unfold and take you beyond any dreams or joys or hopes you ever imagined.
Spiritual Hot Cocoa
Sherry Antonetti is a mother of eight children and a freelance writer of humor and family life columns with prior publications in Absolutewrite, the Catholic Standard, Beaumont Enterprise and the Washington Post. She can be reached at 
