Manger Moments

What Child is this, who laid to rest, on Mary’s lap is sleeping?

I am by the manger.  All is calm, all is bright.  All is silent this holy night.

A manger moment.  It could happen during a few rare minutes of quiet prayer before the day begins, in the moments after reception of communion or perhaps in the silence of the adoration chapel.  Maybe you have just laid down your head to sleep, or a rosary brings you to the third joyful mystery, the Nativity. Manger moments are like graces that come when the heart is open, and sometimes when it is least expected.  But divinity comes where it is least expected.  It comes to a heart that is humbled, a heart that is quiet, still, and ready to listen.

My mind and heart begin to contemplate the Christmas miracle.  God has come to be one with us.  I‘ve heard it a million times.  But somehow in this manger moment, a grace given allows me to know He’s one with us.  He’s one with me.

I imagine myself leaning down to step into the cave stable…to leave the dark and noisy streets behind me and enter into this sanctuary.  I feel unworthy, and yet, beckoned to come nearer.  Maybe I should just remain back here behind the animals and lurk awhile in the shadows.  No, but someone is calling me.  He is calling me.  His infant body, already suffering from the chill, cries out.  As if I could help?  Is He saying He needs me?  So I step a little closer into the light. My heart is yearning to go and adore Him.

The closer I come to this Child in the manger, the less the fear grips me.  I think I am losing myself.  (Those who lose their life will save it.)  There is something more important than me here.  And if any doubt remains in me like a snake slithering close to prevent my worship, His Mother is swift to crush his head, and takes my hand to draw me nearer.   Joseph too, guards the whole stable, and protects His Holy Family which now includes me.  For this baby is my brother.  He comes to restore my creation.  So approachable is the Inapproachable Light!  How could He be anything other than True Love?  A marriage of God and mankind….and I can feel this oneness.  My heart‘s one desire is to hold him….to feel his heart beat next to mine. Our Lady lovingly hands Him to me, and the joy swells up in my heart.  A mystery- this time by the manger.  A moment among many in this Christmas season.  But one that sustains all the others.  It seems vital that I return here again.  I promise this Child that I will.

But for now, I must leave this manger.  For He does not allow this grace to be hidden.  Our only natural response is to share Him….for all those who’ve yet to stop by the manger need to know.

Wishing all of you at Catholic Mom many manger moments this Christmas!

Copyright 2012 Cynthia Ann Costello

A Computer Consecration

My older kids have their Apples.  And my husband, one provided by his employer.  Spending more time writing, e-mailing, and researching the internet for homeschooling and other purposes, I became eager to have a computer to call all my own.  And this past week, I was given that gift – a new laptop.

While the tech world remains for me at times a bit overwhelming, I also recognize it as a great resource for communication and for acquiring knowledge.

Living in a fallen world, we also recognize as Catholics the inclination to be pulled away from God daily.  The same tool that allows me to connect with family members and friends instantly is the same tool that disconnects me from those I live with and love.  Hours spent surfing the web slip by as the rice burns and the kids stay “plugged in” themselves for way too long.

So after a day or two of thought and prayer about this, I believe I received an inspiration.  Why not consecrate this new computer to Mary?  Being entrusted to Mary already through the St. Louis de Montfort Consecration to Mary, I had already given her all my exterior and interior goods.  The computer already really belonged to her.  I decided however that it would be fruitful to make it a bit more formal.  The following prayer was composed my journal and I brought the computer with me to an hour of adoration, and gave it to Jesus through Mary.

Dearest Mother,

When I consecrated myself to you so many years ago, I gave you all my exterior and interior goods.  I hold before you this day, my new computer.  I know that it belongs to you.  Therefore, I ask you now to lay your hands upon it and take it unto your most Immaculate Heart and keep it there.  Entrusted to your pure heart, I ask that any and all communication I have while using it will be holy and pleasing to the Most Holy Trinity.  I pray that any study or research I do while on this computer will only bring me closer to you and to Your Son Jesus.  I pray that any articles or documents that I might create or write on this computer will only be an expression of my deep reverence and awe for God the Supreme Good, and only and ever to draw others to seek His Holiness and Truth.  I believe that this computer is your gift to me, through my most generous husband, in order that I might use it for Your glory, to enlighten me in my vocation as a wife, mother, and teacher, sanctifying this vocation to holiness, to marriage, and to family.  Protect me from seeking affirmation here, from dangerous websites, from wasting time on here, and from any trap of the evil one.  Let me choose every word carefully, and let every moment spent on it be spent with you- right by my side- watching me, guiding me, protecting me….in full knowledge of your desire to keep me safe within your heart and to always help me to imitate you.

I thank you in advance for all the good you will inspire me to do here and for all the protective care you will secure for me!  Amen.

Perhaps I will do the same with all of the phones, ipods, ipads, and computers in our house!  May all of our families and our tools of technology be blessed!

Copyright 2012 Cynthia Costello

What a gift it is to marvel at creation. As my fingers tap out letters onto the computer screen right now, a summer breeze is drifting through my window, and the birds are singing sweetly their evening prayers to God.

Morning mists, sun-drenched hay fields, the smell of honey-suckle and fresh mown grass- these gifts God gives are worthy of our notice and can lead us up into praise and thanksgiving. One moment of pause on our part can lead to a complete attitude shift for hours!

And of course, the most glorious wonder of all creation that God has given is the human person. From relationships here, we can love, share, learn, and grow. And babies are perhaps our best teachers. G. K. Chesterton writes in his essay called, In Defense of Baby Worship,

“The most unfathomable schools and sages have never attained to the gravity which dwells in the eyes of a baby of three months old. It is the gravity of astonishment at the universe, and astonishment at the universe is not mysticism, but a transcendent common-sense.”

If we can subdue our passions for speed and for activity long enough, a baby can lift us into great joy and praise. This is precisely what Chesterton means as he continues,

“But the influence of children goes further than its first trifling effort of remaking heaven and earth. It forces us actually to remodel our conduct in accordance with this revolutionary theory of the marvellousness of all things.”

Revolutionary? It is too bad it’s true. Why is it that we must remind ourselves that God is all loving and giving- that He does have plans to prosper us and defend us. We work against thoughts of despair and fear constantly, when He holds all things in the palm of His Hand. “Pray, hope, and don’t worry,” Padre Pio often said. I believe he understood like a child. With reckless abandon, and with a heart full of trust, he knew he would be delivered from any evil.

And so let us plan on a little baby worship this summer. Let us marvel as moms and thank God for their beauty. And if your children are older, there is still so much beauty to behold if we dare to look deeply and see them in ever new ways. It is this awe (fear) that Chesterton speaks of again, one that leads us to reverence of a son or daughter in Christ.

“The very smallness of children makes it possible to regard them as marvels; we seem to be dealing with a new race, only to be seen through a microscope. I doubt if anyone of any tenderness or imagination can see the hand of a child and not be a little frightened of it.”

Awesome!

Copyright 2012 Cynthia Ann Costello

For me it was yet another way to see God manifesting Himself in daily events. He allows us to draw from human experiences and be lifted up into contemplation of Him and His plan to be one with us. It never ceases to amaze me how He can bless this way: in the silence of an Adoration Hour, as well as in the midst of a crowded event. Whether a spectator or a participant in this half marathon, one could use the experience as a spiritual “exercise”. I hope St. Ignatius of Loyola would agree!

In Blessed John Paul II’s teaching called the Theology of the Body, he writes,” The body expresses the person”. (TOB 7:2). As I watched the myriad of runners go by, I saw all ages, body types, and running styles. The glory of persons created in God’s image astounded me! How unique and unrepeatable we are! What joy in the recognition that no one of us is the same, and we all bring our individual gifts to the world! Sleek runners – so at home in their stride, and there to break record times -were on the same path as the knee-braced and lumbering who could barely pick up their feet. The burly tattooed and the tough ran alongside fashion colors of “carefully-chosen-for-race-day” running gear. It was difficult to know who evoked more respect: the woman pregnant with child, the flag-holding firefighters who ran in full gear, or girl with one arm, and the Soul Surfer’s strength. Statements were proclaimed: on T-shirts that professed a cause, and on faces that emulated the feeling of the runner’s high or the grimace of a longing for it all to be over.

Are we not all running the race, as St. Paul tells us? Are we not beautiful in the unique ways we are called? No less important were the spectators who lined the path. We imagined ourselves as the saints in heaven cheering souls on to the finish!

Besides the glory of the community of runners as a whole, I found myself thinking about the spiritual exercises of the individual hearts, souls and minds of every runner as they prepared for and then executed the race. What interior gifts of self-motivation, intellect, and will-power had they applied as they trained for months before the race? Frequent conversations with my daughter gave me some insight into that journey. Not a day went by without careful thought about a consistent and well-planned routine. There was an inner discipline established early in terms of a weekly running schedule, specific diet, and enough rest. The challenge was mental as well as physical, and it was the daily commitment that prepared the whole person well.

Again, Theology of the Body teaches us, you cannot separate the soul from the body, the physical from the divine. In no other way do we make visible the invisible, but in and through the body! Without words, the inner reality speaks, and whole pages could be filled with each runner’s body language spoken eloquently on race day.

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” my daughter proclaimed soon after she crossed the finish line. How often, I pondered, would she be able to draw on this spiritual exercise and apply it to many other circumstances and events in life? She may be inspired by this one for years to come.

Copyright 2012 Cynthia Ann Costello 

Real love in marriage between a man and a woman involves being honest.  This honesty brings beauty and joy!   Believing in living out faithfulness to the vows we promised includes a commitment to complete and total body/soul unity.

The government does not speak for all women and the definition of real beauty and joy when it suggests imposing acceptance and payment of contraception for all.  Contraception speaks against the unity. It contradicts real marital love.  Are we no longer allowed to speak that we already have a 100% safe and reliable way to postpone pregnancy instead of rendering our love sterile?  Are we no longer allowed to speak that real love involves a beautiful and total gift of self to the other, not withholding any part of ourselves?  Are we no longer allowed to speak that children are a great joy and not a burden?  Are we no longer allowed to disagree with defining fertility is a disease that needs a pill to correct it?  Calling contraception and abortion “healthcare” is a twisted redefinition that does not speak for women who consider their fertility a blessing not a disease.

Interestingly, this is not just a “Catholic issue”, as the media likes to report.  Every Christian church was unanimous in its condemnation of contraception as harmful to marriage and to society until 1930.  Catholics, Protestants, and secular writers all predicted what many, many people still believe today – that widespread use of contraception would have far reaching negative consequences contrary to human dignity, marriage and the family.   For example, Theodore Roosevelt said in his December 3rd State of the Union Address in 1906, “Birth control is the one sin for which the penalty is national death, race death; a sin for which there is no atonement.” In a book I am reading called Theology and Sanity, author Frank Sheed sheds light by calling it “at-one–ment”.  It is about the unity!  Let’s be honest.  Do most of us see a true renewal and rebuilding of family and society happening around us?

How wrong it is for the government to “misspeak” for so many women with a mandate that would place utterly distasteful words on our mouths….. that asks us to put our money where our mouth isn’t?

Copyright 2012 Cynthia Ann Costello

Catholicism is a very bodily religion.  God knew we would need to know Him in and through our bodies and senses.  Our churches are well known for the visual beauty of stained glass windows, the sweet smell of incense, and the ringing of bells.  Most profoundly, we are privileged to touch and taste the very Body and Blood of Christ!  In each of the sacraments, there is a physical reality- a sign through which God gives grace.  And God shows us the goodness of the body and the senses by sending us Himself in the flesh.  Our God became visible in His body, heard in His Word, and He reached out to touch so as to heal.  In a final act of oneness with us, He gave us His Body, and shed His own Blood.  This is the profound gift of the Catholic faith.  Christmas means God in the flesh is one with us!

And how does all of this take place?  In and through the flesh of a mother.

Just as all mothers give over their bodies in order to nurture new life, Mary gave her fiat and became the Mother of God.  Mary offers herself completely to satisfy the mission of the Father.  She certainly does not comprehend fully the sacrifice this entails, as many of us had no clue at the conception of our own children.  Little did we know how our pregnancies would continue on spiritually and emotionally as we carried the weight of our children’s struggles or growing pains.  Labor would continue on, we found out… a labor for their sanctification (and ours) through intercessory prayer.

Being moms means experiencing the fullness of joys, too, as we watch children become who God wants them to be.

At Christmas we find Mary giving birth in a stable, a mother giving God in the flesh to the world.

How blessed we are to be Catholic at Christmas! How blessed we are to be mothers, like Mary, who marvel at the gift of the child!

O Come let us adore Him!  Merry Christmas to all at CatholicMom,com!

Copyright 2011 Cynthia Ann Costello

At this point in the marriage preparation day, I share with couples some of my own witness to sacrificial love.  Tom and I have been married for twenty six years and I still consider our first year to be one of the hardest.  For several years I chose not to share our wedding day story with couples to spare them the fear that something similar might happen to them.  But a friend encouraged me to think past that, and to consider that many couples might benefit from the witness.  Truly, God did give us the gift of suffering in the first hour of our married life, and perhaps that insight could be a source of future strength for someone.

My husband’s uncle was a very devout Catholic who had wanted to enter the priesthood.  Years ago, because he had a bad heart, he was denied entrance.  He chose to remain single and to care for his aging parents.  His career was as librarian for a local seminary.  We asked Uncle Don to do the first reading at our wedding from Genesis, about how God created male and female in the beginning.  He gloriously proclaimed the Word.  The mass continued with the other readings, homily, and our vows.  We were married.  I have some memory loss of the sequence of some of what followed, but shortly after our exchange of vows there was noise and confusion behind us.  Our beautiful and faithful Uncle Don had collapsed.  He had a massive heart attack and died.

How does one go on?  How do you continue to rejoice when the shadow of death has been cast across a celebration?  It was difficult to say the least, and we spent months afterward trying to understand.  Ultimately, I recall praying my way to the conclusion that if Uncle Don needed our wedding mass as his place for a holy death, then I was willing to share the day with him.  As Tom’s brother now jokes, “It was the only time Uncle Don was dying to get out of church!”  We feel that he may have been received right into the beatific vision, and been assigned intercession for our marriage.  Who can know the mind of God?

Real love is sacrifice.  Our first year of marriage also included a baby nine months later, who almost died due to spinal meningitis, and who also needed two kidney surgeries.  Certainly, there have been a great many joys involved too, many of which were the reward for spending oneself for the other.  It is a journey to which I know I have been called, and as I tell the couples about to enter into the sacrament, “With the call, comes the grace.”

This beautiful marriage preparation program explains the meaning of the marriage vows, how God calls us to speak the truth with the language of our bodies before marriage and after and especially in sexual union, and how Natural Family Planning is the Church’s gift to married couples in discerning how God is part of our union and the fruit of that union, our children.  All throughout the life of a marriage, the thread of love and sacrifice is woven.  May we recognize how it holds the two together as one.

Copyright 2011 Cynthia Ann Costello

He said it casually in passing.

“Mom, you really need to write an article about The Lord of the Rings.”

“Okay”, I replied, “Only if you help me.”

It is my 10-year-old who has just finished the books, and has proposed the writing assignment to me.  As the homeschooling mom accustomed to handing out the orders myself, it all seems a little backward, but I thought it wise not to miss an opportunity to have him guide me in sharing the valuable lessons he’s learned.  I have taken down my notes and pray I communicate his little soul’s thoughts well.

He first mentions the hobbits’ climb up Mount Doom and quotes Sam’s most memorable line:

“I can’t carry the ring, but I can carry you.”

Sam throws Frodo on his back for Frodo has all but exhausted his strength under the weight of the ring and his mission to carry and destroy it.  And now Sam offers the last morsels of his inner conviction to lay down his own life for what is good in this world.

“What did you learn from that scene?” I search him further.

“To never give up.” he replies.

Then, he explains, reinforcements to hobbits come thundering over the land on horseback to distract the evil eye of Sauron away from these climbers of Doom. Assembling outside the walls of the city the heroes stand facing innumerable orcs who make ready to crush them on the other side. Aragorn and Gandolph, Legalos and Gimly, Merry and Pippin all gather together. They plan to shift Sauron’s eye onto them.

“Big chance of death?

Small chance of victory?

Well, what are we waiting for?” jokes Gimly.

The diversion works well and a great battle ensues that gives the poor hobbits their chance to carry the ring to the summit of Doom.  It is as it has been for all of the trilogy’s battles –no thought of comfort or self, but to sacrifice all to honor all that is good.  These warriors become all they were created to be – unafraid to fight evil, they are free.

Raising two boys aged 13 and 10 has placed me in a world of sword and saber battles, swinging bats and touchdown tackles, and endless races to the top of the stairs.  What I notice seems to spring from the very essence of who they are at their core as boys. They know instinctively how to engage in a battle.  The ugliness of sin is real and experience has led me to teach them to face real evil, and call it what it is. At the same time, real joy can be experienced when one knows they’ve been called to step up to the fight for the good.  Steeped in Catholic vision, The Lord of the Rings can be a source of profound discussions with two young boys making their way to true manhood.

Little hobbits, big task….these are my son’s final thoughts.  He reasons that it could be a little boy in Branchville – someone no one’s ever heard of- who might be called to do something big…bigger than he’s ever imagined.  I imagine this just might be true.

Copyright 2011 Cynthia Ann Costello

“For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in dying that we are born
To eternal life.”

And Mother Teresa of Calcutta asked God to help her die “frequent deaths to self” and to “get outside” herself so that she could have the freedom to be truly happy.

Our natural inclinations are otherwise. What the world, the flesh and the devil tell us is to focus on you. Feed your own need. Grasp the fruit for yourself. Are you foolish enough to believe it’ll be just handed to you?
And if it is, will it ever be enough? The liar tells us, no. The Father is not to be trusted. You’ll always go hungry.

When I first heard the concept of death to self, however, some kind of truth echoed in my heart. A kind of paradoxical joy bubbled up within me. I didn’t understand it at all – it was foreign information for a woman saturated in the culture of radical feminism. But still, I was attracted and began to experiment with “little deaths”. Strange victories happened within me and I began to wonder if there wasn’t something to it!

As a woman called to vocation of marriage, I found I had lots of opportunities to practice these “deaths to self”. And I also began to realize that I could not enter into these life (death?) choices alone. I was too weak. My spiritual life began to blossom, and I began to rely on Jesus Christ and His Church for the grace to give of myself in this way. Of course, if God intends you to grow in a certain virtue, He gives you lots of opportunities to try it out! Ugh! How often I had to choose the high road of the Scripture passage which compels us to find the interests of others as more important than our own. Sometimes this was required of me without even being recognized, appreciated, or thanked! Double death to self! Over the long run however, it became evident to me that God was working. My husband Tom and I both began to “offer ourselves as living sacrifices” to God and to each other. My experiences in dying to self didn’t kill me I found out! In fact, I felt freer and happier than I had ever felt before.

Being a student for years now of the wonderful teaching of Blessed John Paul II, the Theology of the Body, I hear the same message repeated. John Paul calls it a gift of self. He offers me a more profound way to look at it. What I offer is a gift, even more than a death. The Theology of the Body also leads us into contemplating how we offer the gift. Do we do so freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully? If we do, then we offer real love. Real love hurts sometimes, but there is always an element of real joy.

And this is precisely how we are sustained in giving on this earthly journey – through redemption in Jesus Christ. Jesus teaches me to die to my own will, to make room for the Holy Will of God. This primary death to self, leads us into the very heart of God, Who then sends us out to love and give ourselves generously to the needs and interests of the other.

Are we not describing here the one salvific act that provides for all this – the one true gift of selfless love? Jesus Christ, in obedience to the Will of the Father, did not deem equality with God something to be grasped at. Instead He emptied Himself, accepting death, even death on the cross. (Philippians 2: 7-8). And now I can really see from experience in my own marriage and family, this death is not the end. The cross leads to the resurrection. Every death to self leads to life! In a world dark and distorted by division, distance, and dire need to “look out for number one”, we can shine like stars on the horizon. Death to self – it won’t kill ya!

Copyright 2011 Cynthia Ann Costello

Editor’s Note: Today, we welcome new friend and CatholicMom.com contributor Cynthia Ann Costello. I look forward to sharing Cynthia’s writing with our readers and invite you to join me in welcoming her to the family! LMH

The Yellow Pad – Our Prep for the New School Year

The cards matched up.  The noun card said “Yellow Pad”, and the adjective card said “Awkward”.  It was Christmas break and our family was playing a homemade Apples to Apples game – Costello Edition.  My 19 year-old son had cleverly created the game as a gift to his younger 9 year-old brother, inventing his own adjectives and familiar phrases that were events and circumstances known only to our immediate family.  This match made the entire family hysterical with laughter.

“The Yellow Pad” is our catch phrase for individual meetings with each child a few weeks before school begins. Our family has homeschooled through eighth grade, and then our children attend the local high school. The Yellow Pad is so named because from the first years of initiating this practice, I wrote notes for the meeting on a yellow legal pad.  When the children were in gradeschool, there was a tone of great seriousness invoked as we began, and in later years I had to lighten up as our teens balked at being called to the “hot seat”.  The older kids teased each other about who would be next, but when it came down to sharing goals and ideas, I believe they received the message that they were special and loved.  In fact, we always begin with “You know that we love you…” and in later years, they would say these words before we could!

On the “Yellow Pad” each year I prayerfully write down goals for the year for each child.  These are listed into five categories- spiritual, academic, physical, character, and social.  I go over them with my husband for his input and then we share these goals with each one of the children in an individual meeting with them.

Spiritual goals are always discussed first, because we believe these are the most important!   Seek ye first the Kingdom of God!  Examples of goals include commitment to a morning offering and reading about the saint for the day, adding a holy hour, or more intense prayer to know their vocation.  In this category, we offer suggestions on how to become closer to Christ that year, and depending on their age, suggest ways that they could deepen their relationship with Him and participate more fully in family prayer.  Daily mass is always highlighted as the most important part of our homeschooling day, and those attending school are assured of their remembrance there.

The next category is academics.  In this section, we go over the subjects we’ll be taking that year, and encourage hard work and dedication to their studies.  Children heading into upper grades are challenged to increase their study time, and understand the importance of preparation for college.  “Pray about what you are passionate about”, we remind them, “as this may be what God is calling you to do.”

Following academics are physical goals.  I have found that I need reminders myself to eat right, get enough sleep, and factor some exercise into my weekly routine.  Under this category, we talk about sports, and perhaps some individual aspirations to increase confidence or achieve a new level of proficiency.  All five of my children have enjoyed participation in sports and we have found that setting personal goals for the body is good for the whole person!

Character goals are next. What a joy it is as a mother, to contemplate the amazing gifts God has given my children.  How can I help them to cultivate their strengths and virtues? Can I lead them to understand more fully how God is asking them to multiply those talents?  Additionally, it is humbling to recognize areas where I need improvement, and to assist my children in doing the same.  For example, if patience is a virtue that one of us lacks, we mention ways to pray for grace to practice that virtue.  Perhaps our character flaw is to procrastinate.  Listing ways to combat the “putting it off” syndrome that so often gets us in trouble is a concrete way to affect change.

The fifth and final goals we consider are social goals.  During this time we talk about friendships, dating relationships, and opportunities to initiate new activities that introduce healthy interactions with others.  Homeschooling offers so much flexibility in this area, as we keep in mind that time spent with people of all ages leads to maturity in speech and action.  Moms can truly help children reach their fullest potential by fostering activities where they will be challenged and encouraged to learn how to hold conversations with and/or work alongside peers and adults alike.  Heading a new club or taking the leadership role as a captain of a school team encourages wisdom in social relationships.

Wrapping up our Yellow Pad meeting entails opening the floor to our child’s reactions, feelings, and input.  We give them an opportunity to suggest their own goals and aspirations, and to respectfully give their opinions on how we, as parents, can be part of that growth for them. By the end of their college years, we know our children are well on their way to setting their own goals and we watch with joy as they do!

In the end, our highest “Yellow Pad” goal is to let our children know how much God loves them, and how proud we are to be their parents.  I think that the laughter that evening as we played the board game was a response that came from their love for us.  I have kept all the Yellow Pads since their inception .They are a record of love and of growth into adulthood and holiness for all of us Costello’s.  May God make us all saints!

Copyright 2011 Cynthia Ann Costello