It was just a typical morning at Casa Martin. Phil’s alarm went off at who knows what time, and by the third snooze song, we had decided whose turn it was to get out of the warm comfy bed to turn up the heat (we sleep with it at 60 degrees) and take the first shower. Phil came up with the short straw this morning. But he made sure to turn around saying “That means you have to make the kick arse coffee (no really, that’s what it’s called, and it’s amazing) and get the kid’s breakfast ready!” a little too gleefully for my liking at 6:05 am.

I got up at 6:12 to make said coffee – 3 cups each for our travel mugs – and poured generic cheerios from a ripped bag the size of a small country into 5 bowls. I put milk in Xander’s bowl to let the “yeerios” soften and Maggie came downstairs, claimed the bowl with the most cereal as hers, and started to get dressed.

I jumped in the shower (Phil was done…this is a G rated blog) and had .004 seconds of peace and quiet before Maggie comes in whining that her pants don’t look right. I peek out and realize she is wearing leggings, not pants, and then she proceeds to melt down saying “I’m not allowed to wear leggings without a skirt over it!” and while I love that she’s following the modesty rules, I secretly wish her shirt was long enough to qualify as a skirt. “Go upstairs and pick out some pants” I say, “”OK, but I’m not wearing jeans!” she yells back.

I finish my 3 minute shower and lock myself in my bedroom to get dressed, which I have to immediately unlock because Phil hasn’t even gotten himself dressed yet since their was a big broohaha upstairs because Eamon couldn’t find his socks. We have probably 40 pairs of boys socks, but he only will wear a certain type of which we have three pairs. I head out of the bedroom to go blow dry my hair when I hear Andrew and Maggie yelling something about the cat. “Andrew, what is going on?” “The cat jumped up into the sink and got soap on her tail!” (I stupidly bought an automatic soap dispenser for the kitchen sink thinking it would be helpful, but it turned out to be one of my worst purchases ever because it dispenses too much soap at a time (smart soap company) which makes us wait to pile up enough dishes to keep the soap to dishes ratio at a minimum. It’s also stupid because the cat has gotten soap on her tail…twice.)

I finish blow drying my hair, which is so thin that it takes about 2.6 minutes and I’m hoping the biotin that the doctor hairdresser prescribed will start working on the sooner side of later. Phil declares victory upon finding the only tie that matches with the shirt he’s picked out. I put on my big girl glasses to camouflage the puffiness of my face and I’m good to go.

That’s some mad professional photography skills

Meanwhile, out in the kitchen, Maggie is beginning to whimper because I told her to go see Dad to put a pony tail in her hair…”But but but he hurts”, I tell her to go before she loses a minute (from their nightly tv show…it’s our current discipline tactic and it works like a charm) which sends her into tears but she does obey. Who said girls are easy? Oh right, nobody.ever.

I whip up my pancake batter a la Grace (two eggs, one ripe mashed banana, cinnamon and vanilla) in a bowl and start cooking breakfast for Phil and myself. Alexander throws his yeerios on the floor and the cat begins eating them. Phil looks at me like “should we take him out of the prison cell highchair and let him free before we’re ready to strap him into the moving prison cell car seat?” Umm, no. Just give him a sippy cup of water.

John-Paul goes on a mad search and rescue party looking for his “sidelines”. His what? Oh his guidelines for the big project that’s due in May. Apparently something is due next week, and oh yeah, he forgot to study for the “pretty huge, but not that big” of a science test he has today. Good thing that kid’s head is attached to his neck.

We commence the yelling for everyone to get ready to go at 6:46. Kids start scrambling to find their shoes, jackets, hats, backpacks, water bottles, lunch boxes, and shove the rest of their breakfast down. Eamon requests water to drink. Phil tells him to drink the milk from his cereal. Maggie doesn’t know which shoes to wear, I tell her it’s gym day, hence sneakers. Andrew, who is definitely being the favorite of the morning, brings the baby down to the van while Phil runs down to start the cars.

After making sure all the lights are turned off, heat is turned down, food is put away, cat has food/water and a clean litterbox, packing our gym bags, and grabbing yogurt, fruit and granola bars for the adults’ lunch, we finally get everyone into the cars (Phil drops off baby, I drop off school kids) at 7:08 which means the ridiculous boat bridge will be closed and so I have to take the long way to their school. I’m about 3 minutes into the drive when I realize I left my plate of pancakes on the counter. Of course I did. Call Phil who has just left but agrees to turn around to retrieve my breakfast. Love that man. And I love our crazy life.

Copyright 2013 Colleen Martin

Feel free to join me, and tweak the habits to suit your needs.  I will update each month next year on how the plan is going.

January – Healthy Hygiene

Since I just had my teeth cleaned in December, I think I will dedicate this first month of the year to flossing.  I am the worst at flossing, and the dental hygienist is forever on my case so I want to make her proud before my next cleaning!  Did you know that a healthy mouth makes a healthy body?

February – Spiritual Sacrifices

Ah February, the month of love.  This would be a good month to show Christ that He’s my first true love.  And to do that I want to commit to Mass three times each week and go to Confession more regularly, but definitely as soon as Lent starts.

March – Nutrition No-No’s 

Since Lent encompasses all of March (with the exception of the last Sunday), I think this would be a good month to quit eating after dinner.  Instead of reaching for a late night snack, I will brew a cup of tea or decaf coffee.  If snacking at night isn’t your thing, perhaps you can cut out snacking in between meals instead?

April – Sweat Sessions 

With the Spring weather and beach season approaching…April will be a good time to get a good exercise routine established.  My goal?  Six hours of exercise a week.  For me that’s one hour a day, six days a week.  At the gym, at home with a video, outside for a jog or a walk, shopping at the mall, whatever makes you move around.  Pick a goal that suits your needs.

May – Feminine Fashion

It’s time to pull out the cute skirts and dresses after covering up all winter!  The goal for May is to wear a skirt or dress twice a week.  Maybe you already do this, but for those of us who prefer pants to skirts, getting a little girly could be a challenge!

June – Making Mealtime 

This month brings about lots of activities for us, and the habit I want to develop is a family meal.  Are you shocked that we don’t do a family dinner every night?  Me too.  I don’t know how we haven’t made this an important daily ritual, but a few times a week we usually are feeding the kids something and then waiting to eat once they’re in bed.  Some days Phil doesn’t get home until the kids are almost in bed, and there are nights where we are driving the kids to basketball practices or swimming lessons, but we can at least sit down for family breakfast together on those mornings.  One meal a day together is the goal.

July – Family Fun

Summertime is in full swing this month, and I want to create memories with my children.  We are so lucky that we can go to the beaches and parks and playgrounds near our house, but I don’t just want to bring my kids somewhere to play. I want to play with them.  I want to get down on the floor and really engage.  Half an hour each day – no phone, no computer, no tv,  no other distractions…just pure playtime with my little lovies.

August – Healthy Habits

Time to evaluate your health again.  Are you taking care of yourself?  Getting enough sleep?  Exercising?  Eating right?  Wearing sunscreen?  Whatever area of your health that could be improved – commit to it for this month.

September – Clearing Clutter

School time!  A new school year is a great time to start fresh with a clean and decluttered home.  Spend five minutes every single day decluttering and/or cleaning an area of your home.  Set a timer and you’ll be amazed what you can do in five quick minutes.

October – Downsize Debt

Let’s get our debt and spending in check this month.  Try not to spend any money on “wants” this month.  I will buy only “needs” and force myself to save that extra money to pay down on any debt.

November – Thankful Theology 

This month, since we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving, my habit I wish to develop is to pray every day in Thanksgiving for what I have been given.  So many times I pray when I need something and forget to go back and say thanks.  Some days you may feel like you have nothing to be thankful for, but just waking up each day is a gift from God.  And a prayer offering thanks up to God first thing in the morning can only make the day a little better, right?

December – Marriage Matters

December always seems so crazy busy.  Sometimes my husband and I are like two ships passing in the night.  I want to take this month to set the alarm clock ten minutes earlier than normal to spend that time together.  Whether we just stay in bed and talk, or sip a cup of coffee together before all the children wake up, taking that time to renew our bond will make our marriage even stronger.

I don’t think any of these habits I wish to form are too demanding or time-consuming, but I hope that developing all of these small healthy habits will make me feel like a better person in the new year.  Hooray for new beginnings!

Copyright 2012 Colleen Martin

The Kindness of Strangers

“How many children do you have?”, asked the elderly woman who had sat in front of us at Mass last night. “Five” I said with a forced smile, bracing myself for one of the remarks I usually hear after stating this fact. She smiled and then asked, “Do you have any help?”

“Help? No, we don’t have any help” I replied.

After all we live in New England, not the deep south, and this is 2012, not 1955. So no, we don’t have any “help”.

Her adult son, who was sitting in the pew with her took a wad of dollar bills out of his pocket and asked each child of mine if they had been good this week, and as they nodded yes, he handed them one dollar. Even the baby, who promptly tried to taste it. We made sure the kids said thank you, then whispered to them that they should put their money in the poor box on the way out the door. They happily agreed and walked as fast as possible over to the St. Vincent de Paul box and shoved their money inside.

As I watched the scene play out, I was reminded of how, a few years ago, the St. Vincent de Paul group at a friend’s church had arranged to pay for summer camp for my two older boys at the time. The price of the two-week day camp was way more than we could have afforded on Phil’s schoolteacher salary and my stay-at-home non-salary, and they took pity on our ever expanding family and offered to give my older boys an adventure they wouldn’t otherwise have been able to experience.

I also recalled, during that same season of financial struggles, the lady who responded to my ad in the local newspaper where I asked for a house to house sit because we were a young family who couldn’t afford rent ( I didn’t include that part in the ad, I just posted that we were looking for a house sitting opportunity). This lady saw the ad, called us up, and offered us her four bedroom house on the beach from September to May in exchange that we mailed her any bills that came, and took care of her lawn. We lived in that house for two years with John-Paul and then Andrew before saving enough money to move into our current home.

I have plenty more examples where the generosity of people we barely knew truly got us through. For instance, the priest we had just met that gave us a check to help us out, a man who knew my parents that heard we were expecting our fourth baby in four years and wanted to gift us a sum of money, the friend who secretly left a grocery store gift card on our counter during one of our football parties, the anonymous family who “adopted” us for two Christmases and gave our children items on their wish lists.

We have been blessed tremendously during our married life from people we don’t even know and that’s not even to mention the generosity of friends and family too. It seems exactly when we needed it, we have received whatever we were lacking. God has always taken care of us and we trust that He will continue to do so, as long as we are generous and faithful to Him. The gospel reading we chose for our wedding Mass, because we knew we were young fools in love with no material goods but lots of faith, was Matthew 6:25-34:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

As we loaded the kids into the car after Mass last night, a man we do not know approached our car and Phil opened his window. The man reached in and gave us a $10 bill because he saw the kids donating their dollars to the poor and was touched. I wish I could go back in time to when that little old lady asked me if we had any help, and respond “Yes, we get plenty of help, and plenty of kindness from strangers!”

Copyright 2012 Colleen Martin

Yesterday Cari was scheduled to be induced to give birth to her overdue sixth baby. Today, my friend Jess is at the hospital because her water broke last night. She will be giving birth to her second baby soon (hopefully!). Of course, I can’t think of anything else than my two friends in labor and two beautiful new babes being brought into the world for all to see. It’s truly miraculous.

Their lives are going to be forever changed, their hearts will expand to love one more person so unconditionally that it knows no bounds. Their current children will receive the gift of a sibling. Someone to love, someone to play with, someone to share and fight and tell secrets to and tattle-tale on. Someone to sympathize when Mom and Dad are being completely unreasonable, and grow up to appreciate their parent’s wisdom and help take care of them in their old age. A partner in crime and a friend for life.

I remember bringing home the first baby. How much I loved him (still do!) and took complete care of him. Even waking in the night was special bonding time for us. He changed my life completely. He made me a mother, made my husband a father, and gave us a focus in life. We were responsible for getting this little boy to Heaven one day, and we were his whole world. We were his source of entertainment and his every wish was our command. He was a lot of work since we had only been used to taking care of ourselves, and now we had to think about him first.

Then baby two came along, and I realized that all my worrying about how I could never love another baby as much as the first was wasted energy. Somehow the heart just grows to love them the same. The second baby was quite frankly, double the work. The two were so little and dependent on us that we had our hands full. I remember the first time I had to tell John-Paul to wait when he wanted lunch because I had to feed the baby first. I almost cried just saying it to him. But you know what? He was fine. He learned that he had to take turns and Mom would tend to both their needs.

By the time the third baby came along, we were outnumbered. I think going from two to three kids was the hardest transition for us. Looking back, I realized it’s because of three things: 1) the third baby had colic and screamed and vomited all day long, 2) the older boys were only 3 and 2 years old and still required a lot of hands-on attention, and 3) I was on the edge of post-partum depression, and life just seemed unbearable at times. We had no money, no help, and it seemed like we were stuck in a never ending cycle of debt and worry. And of course, I got pregnant again when the third baby was only 5 months old. It was just too much to handle at times. Only by God’s grace and the generosity of certain family/friends did we make it through.

When we took home baby number four, it was like there was no change at all in the house. We were finally used to having multiple children, and the older ones began playing together and entertaining themselves. Having another baby was no big deal at all. She grew up so fast because she wasn’t the center of our world (no matter how much she wished she was!). We had so much going on that it just flew by. Our financial and mental states improved as I worked part-time to ease the debt burden and after getting through the first year of her life, things got so much easier.

Adding the fifth baby to our family barely changed a thing! He was just one more lovie to add to the crew, and the older ones all help take care of him so much. They think he is the bomb-diggity. They can soothe him if he’s fussy, help feed him, carry him down from his crib, interpret his every coo. His presence in our lives has been so positive and easy that it makes the thought of having more a pleasant one.

Although every family is unique and has their own story to tell, from what I’ve gathered from moms of large families (and from my own experience) is that it DOES get easier. When people tell me how they struggle with their two children, and just don’t know how we handle five…I tell them that it IS hard having two, and having five is easier. They might look at me like I’m crazy, but I’ve been in their shoes with the one, two, or three children, and it’s a lot of work. I think after three kids, the parents get more laid back, the children get older (and go to school), and there are more people around to love and help with the baby. So to all of you moms out there who are struggling in the trenches – there is hope! It does get easier, and just hang in there and trust in the Lord, for He provides.

Copyright 2012 Colleen Martin

I heard this tale when I was a little girl, and I constantly find it running through my head.  It taught me two very important things as a young child: 1) We are all dealt a cross in life and 2) It won’t be more than we can handle.

Growing up, I always wondered what exactly my “cross” would be.  Maybe I wouldn’t find a husband or become a mother.  Perhaps I would get a terrible disease with no cure.  Maybe I wouldn’t get a good job or be able to afford a house or other material things.  Perhaps a close family member would die suddenly.  The list of possible crosses went on and on.  Now that I have become an adult, and I have a wonderful husband, beautiful children, a job that allows us to afford a house and put food on the table, a healthy body, and the gift of my Catholic faith, I still found myself wondering what my cross in life would be.  I have been so blessed in so many ways, and it doesn’t seem “fair” that others have suffered many times over.

But then, about 4 months ago, after discovering Baby # 5 was on its way, I found myself complaining to my wonderful husband about those beautiful children of ours, and how sometimes I feel so overwhelmed between having to work full-time, raising the kids, keeping the house clean, etc.  Like so many families, we are always just “making it by” financially and the addition of another child sooner than we thought was a little too much to handle.   But then my husband said something profound.  He said, “Colleen, if this is our cross in life, then God knows what He’s doing”.  He was not referring to Baby #5 as our cross; he was questioning if our suffering in this life is to have a lot of surprise pregnancies and financial worries.

If that’s the hand I have been dealt, then I am so lucky!  I know so many women who would do anything to be able to have a baby of their own, and here we are being blessed with so many children without even trying.  Although I do believe that being super-fertile can be a cross, I know that being infertile would be a much larger and heavier cross to carry.  God has given me the cross that I can handle; the one I need for eternal salvation, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Copyright 2011 Colleen Martin

Suddenly, he’s not helping out enough, even though he does everything he possibly can.  Or maybe it’s just that he’s not doing it correctly, or fast enough, or reading my mind.  I’ve even argued with him about splitting an english muffin with a fork. I maintain that they are already fork split, you just have to pull them apart, but he thinks to maximize the nooks and crannies, you need to use the fork to split them.  He sees potential yumminess, and I see another dirty fork in the sink.

Speaking of dirty dishes in the sink, I was recently heard singing “It’s a magical sink, a magical sink, where everybody puts in their dirty dishes and they come out clean.  Don’t worry about cleaning them yourself because it’s a magical siiiiiiiiiiiink!”  Pathetic song and even more pathetic attitude.

Why do I feel the need to bark at him about helping with the laundry, when he has never once asked me to mow the lawn, fix the faucet, take out the trash, or work full-time to support the family.  Why do I see what he isn’t doing instead of all the things he does for us every day?

I think many of us wives can admit to this sort of bad behavior from time to time, and I’ve been looking for ways to overcome it.

First, I put myself in his place.  Would I like to come home to a nice dinner and a clean house, or to a nagging spouse who complains about every detail of his day?  Would I like to get a thank you for all I do, or a list of things to do?  The answer is easy; treat him as I want to be treated.

Secondly, I learn to love him in the language he hears best.  For my husband, that is with physical touch.  Although at the end of a long day, I sometimes feel “touched out” by the babies, a hug or back rub shows him just how much I love him.

Another way to become a better wife is to change my attitude in my daily chores.  I recently read a wonderful article that suggested replacing the “have to” with “get to”.  For example, I don’t have to take care of my kids; I get to take care of them.  I get to go to work to help our family’s financial situation.  I get to make a wholesome dinner for my husband and children.  It truly gives my priorities a much needed makeover at times.

Finally, I can offer it up.  This month of November, as we pray for the Souls in Purgatory, we can offer up all our daily nuisances for their eternal salvation.   It’s not easy being a good and holy woman, but it’s a lot better to suffer here on Earth than in Purgatory.  So carry your cross with grace and with a smile on your face.

These are some of the things I have been trying to do to make my spouse (and house) happier.  What are your tricks for having a happy spouse?  I’d love to hear them!

Copyright 2010 Colleen Martin

Since he is the third of four children, and has two older brothers, it is very rare that he gets anything brand new.  In fact, it’s usually been used twice before.  Oh sure, it’s new to him, and he’s happy as a clam to get it.  But in my view, I am constantly offering him hand-me-down clothes, toys, shoes, lunchboxes, you get the idea.  And I really try to take the opportunity of his birthday to get him something brand spanking new.

So for the last few weeks, I have been asking him what he would like for his birthday present.  At first, he replied:  “A big cake!” and a little later, “A present!”

Then his brothers tried talking some sense into him: “Eamon, you should ask mom for a cool present, like a new movie, or a Wii game, or a Nintendo DS.”

Soon enough, his birthday requests became: “A SpongeBob movie”! (a show that isn’t even allowed in our house)  and “A Super Mario Wii game!” (the one his brothers have been coveting) and even “A DS!” (which costs around $150).

As I watched the progression from the simple request of a cake to the outrageous request for a Nintendo DS at 4 years old, I realized how much we let the world (or older brothers, in his case) influence our decisions.

How many times have I gone shopping as a social activity and suddenly needed those new shoes I saw in the window?  Or seen Double Stuff Oreos on sale at the grocery store and added them to my cart?  Even driving through a ritzy neighborhood recently made me envious of the gorgeous houses that I will most likely never have.   And don’t even get me started on food cravings late at night whenever I see a commercial for pizza.

When we start allowing ourselves to get caught up in the material possessions of the world, we can never be truly happy.  We must constantly remind ourselves that life is not a game of acquiring “stuff”; it’s about becoming detached to our “stuff” to merit eternal life.  Luke 12:20 states:  “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

The simple things in life are what truly make us happy:  faith, health, family, and friends.  Eamon had it right when he asked solely for a cake on his birthday, a simple pleasure that would have made him very happy.

May we all remember the ever-so-wise words of the Veggie Tales Thankfulness Song:
Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!
I’m glad for what I have,
That’s an easy way to start!

Being thankful for what we have instead of miserable for what we lack is the best way to live our life on Earth and gain eternal life in Heaven.  And then we can experience true happiness forever, and have as much cake as we want!


Copyright 2010 Colleen Martin

Editor’s Note:  Today we welcome Colleen Martin to our CatholicMom.com family of contributors.  Colleen and her family reside in Massachusetts and she will join us monthly to share her thoughts on faith and family topics.  Visit Colleen at her blog at Martin Family Moments.  Lisa

I brought Maggie to the doctor this past weekend to get her H1N1 flu shot. I was talking to her and pointing out the pictures on the wall, trying to keep her happy and distracted while the nurse administered the shot.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me confused and said “Ouchie! Ouchie!”. I fought back my own tears, and was so sad that I had to put her through this pain, even though I knew it was to keep her safe and healthy.

I comforted her with hugs and kisses, and she quickly calmed down and trusted me enough to put her tights back on. She told me “Leg hurt…kiss it”, so I did, and she said “All Better!” Then we went out and got some stickers (she had to have three).

Maggie is my fourth child, and I have gone through this MANY times before, but this time (after talking about it to Phil) I was able to realize a more spiritual connection.

We don’t want our children to be hurt or sad, but, as in the case of vaccinations, we still allow it to happen for their own good. Our kids don’t understand this pain they feel or why their parents who say they love them would help to cause it.

It’s the same way with God.

He doesn’t want us, His children, to be upset or have to suffer, but He allows it to happen for our eternal happiness. We look to Him and ask “Why God? Why me? Why now?” and He hears us and wants us to know that this pain is for the greater good in some way.

Sometimes in the midst of horrible tragedies, we can see the good come out of it. Take 9/11 for example. How many people lost family members but gained faith? How many of us who were lucky enough not to be affected directly now understood how priceless the people around us are? How many couples who were arguing over who needed to take out the trash suddenly realized the important things in life? How many people heroically lost their lives to save others? What about the firemen and EMT’s and priests who ran in the midst of danger to save as many lives and souls as they could? How much more did we turn to God during our times of need? How much safer do we feel as a country now that we have much stronger anti-terrorism controls in place?

Just like our children, we may not understand why God would allow us to suffer in certain times or situations. We do not know why He allows some to suffer illness, or loss, or pain or suffering. If our faith tells us that God is a loving father however, we can know that even in the pain and suffering, He is right there with us and He allows it for a greater good.

It does no good to explain to a small child the reasons we allow them to suffer. They could not understand what a vaccination means and how it will keep them safe later. What a child wants is to be held, hugged, comforted, and told that they are loved, even when they are hurting.
And we still need that as adults. So we comfort and support each other through the hard times. We apply the emotional and physical band-aids that God can’t reach. And hopefully, one day in Heaven, we will see with clarity why we were meant to suffer on Earth.
And then we can have as many stickers as we want!

Copyright 2010 Colleen Martin