The Mouth as a Lethal Weapon

We have all done it–said too much or said the wrong thing and regretted it later. Too often, opening our mouths releases gossip, complaints, or destructive words. Our tongue is a concealed weapon—the most lethal. “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matt 10:28). A gun or knife can wound the body, but inflicts no damage on the soul, yet the tongue can mortally wound it.

In theory, it would seem easy to control our tongue. It’s small and even can be kept locked up simply by shutting our mouths. Yet, for something that weighs so little, it so often weighs us down in sin.

Talking is one of those things that we should quit while we are ahead. “In a multitude of words, sin is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19). I am often guilty of this so I am not pointing fingers. I think women are especially vulnerable because we tend to be sociable and innately talk more than men—not that men can’t also wag a mean tongue.

Our tongues often seem to have a mind of their own and before we know it, we’ve blurted out too much information or something better left unsaid. Sometimes we mask gossip as concern—I’m really worried about her…. or excuse it as a need to vent or confide in someone.

And yet, in the confessional, we need to acknowledge that we have sinned. I’ve heard some people say that as long as it’s true, it’s not really gossip. Or others know about it anyways, so it’s okay to repeat. But God reads what is in our hearts. If we do not have a valid reason to let someone know about something—information that they need to know to prevent a problem—then spreading scandal or reporting on bad behavior is simply not our God-given task. For me, I use the standard that if I won’t say it in front of the person or want them to know I said it, then I should not say it at all.

The Power of Words

Here are some common ways that our words get us into trouble.

• Detraction – repeating something true without a good reason (Sirach 21).
• Racial jokes that encourage hatred or sexual jokes which use impurity for entertainment (Ephesians 5:3-4).
• Calumny – talking about someone’s faults. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned…” (Luke 6:37).
• Arguing – speaking nasty or using biting remarks
• Criticizing –constant complaining and scolding to vent rather than desire to help another out of love. (Proverbs 21:9).
• Breaking confidences – “Don’t tell anyone else, but…..” (Proverbs 11:13).
• Listening to the words of others can be wrong. “An evildoer listens to wicked lips; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue” (Proverbs 17:4).

God gave us the gift of speech. We use it to praise and glorify him. Our words can evangelize and lift others up in spirit. But talking can also be a waste of time, empty, frivolous, and gossipy. It can take time away from our family, prayer or tasks we should be tending to.

Instead of talking to God, we often seek comfort through venting and say things against people that should be left unspoken. And once it’s out of our mouth, even trying to take it back does not completely undo bad impressions of those we’ve spoken about and how it reflects on our own character. Through our excessive talking we are also often on the receiving end of listening to gossip and the business of others.

Like any addiction—and talking is an addiction—it’s a day-by-day, ongoing task not to overindulge. For many, the first step is to recognize the times we let words lead to sin. This might mean asking God to reveal these times and asking him to help us use our speech appropriately.

Another way to stop misusing our speech is to avoid situations that often lead to gossip. Going out for coffee, talking on the phone too long, and other socializing occasions might be the times we are most guilty of using our tongue as a weapon. Avoid these situations altogether or cut them short. If those around us begin to gossip, counteract by saying something positive or laying it on the line: “I’m really trying to stay away from gossip,” then change the subject.

We can also pray for the gift of silence. Through confession, our sins of the tongue will be absolved and we will receive graces to avoid them in the future. If additional incentive is needed, here is thought to keep in mind: It is better to remain silent and let people think you are dumb than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

The Family Circle and the Fourth Commandment

Could failure to follow God’s commands be robbing our family of grace?

God not only became one of us, but he was born into a family with a mother, Our Blessed Mother Mary, and a father, St. Joseph. There’s no escaping the message, families are intended to be holy places in which children grow and prepare to enter the world.

The Fourth Commandment orders us to: “Honor your mother and father that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Ex 20:12). It’s actually the only commandment with a promise attached to it.

Oh, how the value of that commandment has become obvious to us now that we are parents. Too bad we did not esteem it when we were children ourselves. I sometimes wonder if some of the challenges I’ve faced as a parent are connected to my mother’s words coming true: “I hope that one day you have a child just like you.”

At the time I thought, “Cool, I wouldn’t mind.” But with the experience of motherhood, I sometimes wonder if it’s payback time now. If the adage, “What goes around, comes around,” has any validity, then I certainly never deserved compliant, docile children. There are no do-overs on childhood, so repentance and prayers and some make-up behavior if our parents are still alive, is the best we can do now.

After being retrieved in the temple by Mary and Joseph, “He was obedient to them. (Luke 2-51). Yes, God was obedient to two humans, creatures that he created and was infinitely more powerful than. But these were his parents, so he obeyed them as an example to us.

The Fourth Commandment puts order into a family but it also puts an incredible responsibility on our shoulders as parents. The reason our children are suppose to be obedient to us is because we are taking the place of God here on earth. Those are big shoes to fill.

We are not God, but we need to be as close as we can when it comes to our behaviors as a parent because we are suppose to be a reflection of Our Loving Father in the lives of our children.

According to the Catholic Catechism, the Fourth Commandment, “shows us the order of charity. God has willed that, after him, we should honor our parents to whom we owe life and who have handed on to us the knowledge of God. We are obliged to honor and respect all those whom God, for our good, has vested with his authority.” (2197)

Not only is it our duty to parent in union with God but also it means we must also do the reverse: “to respect all those whom God for our good has vested with his authority.” As adults, we must still respect our parents, although we are no longer in a position where we must be obedient to them. Also, the fact is that all parents are not religious or providing good examples. Now that we are the parent, it is up to us to be the example to our own children and in some cases to our parents. There may even be resistance. Although most usually imagine it’s the grandparents urging the parents and grandchildren towards church, it does also happen that adult children, not raised with religion, are resisted and even persecuted for following their religious values. Still, we must respect our parents, even if it means disagreeing with them. By praying for them and responding always out of love, we show them respect even when there is dissension.

That still does not leave us off the hook when it comes obedience. To honor and respect those vested with God’s authority means that we must obey the authority of God in our lives. Just as our children are not honoring us when they disobey us, so too, we are not honoring God when we disobey him. Remember, Jesus told us that he would not leave us orphans. He left us his Church to guide us. God’s fatherly and motherly care comes to us through the guidance of his church and all its teachings.

If this line of reasoning is leading you down a path you had not expected or wanted to go, it might be that you are finding a place to start the spiritual healing in your family. You cannot stand in authority over your children and demand obedience from them and then turn around and refuse obedience to our Heavenly Father.

The commandment to honor and respect is put in positive terms. We are not being told not to do something. Instead, we are given a duty to fulfill. The subsequent commandments follow concerning life, marriage, speech and earthly goods. The order of the commandments goes from relating directly to God in the first three–to hold God above all things, not to take his name in vain, and keep his day holy. Then, the next step is to the authority of parents before proceeding to commandments that follow the rest of our daily encounters.

According to the Catholic Catechism, “The Fourth Commandment is addressed expressly to children in their relationship to their father and mother, because this relationship is the most universal. It likewise concerns the ties of kinship between members of the extended family. It requires honor, affection, and gratitude toward elders and ancestors. Finally, it extends to the duties of pupils to teachers, employees to employers, subordinates to leaders, citizens to their country and to those who administer and govern it.

“This commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons. (2199)

So, becoming an adult does not let us off the hook, even after our parents are deceased. In a way, it can make us feel like we are still children, always needing to obey. But that is a good thing. “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 18:3).

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Pat Gohn

Are you blessed, beautiful and bodacious?  You may or may not feel blessed and beautiful, but bodacious?  “Bodacious” is not the sort of word that just anyone can slip into conversation. You have to be a certain kind of person—a bodacious one.

For those who aren’t even sure of the exact definition, it means to be audacious (which means boldly willing to take risks) in an attractive kind of way.  Like Pat Gohn. It does not surprise me that she titled her new book,  Blessed, Beautiful and Bodacious: Celebrating the Gift of Catholic Womanhood. It fits.

Pat is a columnist and writer for a number of Catholic websites and podcasts, Among Women, a program for Catholic women that celebrates their faith and life and spotlights the lives of women saints. She has an MA in Theology and Christian Ministry from Franciscan University of Steubenville (2008), a BS in Communications from St. John’s University in New York (1982), and has worked in radio.

Credentials are just the background for this woman. I have met her several times and would describe her as fun, engaging, down-to-earth, friendly, and well, downright bodacious!  But she does not want to be bodacious all by herself; she wants to share that calling with other women. Pat encourages all women to delight in the fact that when God made us, he made us good.

“When we accept that, we can recover from any counterfeits we have bought or believed about ourselves,” she writes.  Pat points out that following the creation of man and woman, the word “blessing” appears for the first time when God blesses them. “They are the crowing glory of his creation,” Pat writes.  “Besides this blessed identity of being made in the image of God, a woman is doubly blessed because she has a destiny—heaven,”

But then, what went wrong along the way?  Why have so many suffered?  Pat takes us from the first broken relationship due to original sin, to the redemption of humanity, begun by a woman—the new Eve.  With the conception of Mary in her mother’s womb, Pat states that a radical new order emerged.  “Thanks to Mary, our identity as women is good, indeed, very good. Yes, it’s even blessed,” writes Pat.

This sounds good on paper, but how many women actually feel good?  How many of us feel like beloved daughters of God?  Pat commiserates with those feeling broken or even abandoned due to wounds from family failings and she seeks to pull them up through Catholic teaching and her own realizations.

“Over time, I found a key that I didn’t know I needed.  I had failed to embrace my deepest identity as a baptized person. Whether we know it or not, our Baptism is the deepest grace of our lives. It is the foundation on which all other sacraments are built.”  For it is there, she explains, that we meet the fatherhood of God and brought into his family.

Even if we were a prodigal daughter and did not always live up to the dignity God had blessed us with, Pat points out that we can turn our hearts back to the Father and he will receive us with open arms. Our baptism gives us entry into a lifelong conversation with God.

Pat reaches into scripture, Church teaching, and the hearts of women to give clarity to the gifts they have received from God and the call to be gifts to others.  It is a story of love–love received and loved given, or in Pat’s words, “our bodacious calling.”  She is a mother, a wife, a daughter, and a friend in Christ to other women. Through her book and through her ministry to women, Pat seeks to call us all to higher ground and a deeper understanding of how blessed, beautiful, and bodacious we all are.

Order Blessed, Beautiful and Bodacious: Celebrating the Gift of Catholic Womanhood and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Madonna (Richter) Silvernagel had a reason not to have more children. She had suffered a parent’s worse fear, not once, but twice—the death of two beloved baby daughters. Madonna could not have known that she herself would die young, but because of her courage, her legacy lives on in a powerful way. Her daughters, now grown, give thanks that their mother did not give into fear or to the angry judgment of others. This story is sad in many ways, yet, it imparts courage and meaning to all who are open to life.

The Strength to Trust Again

My two little sons Corey age four, and James age one, hovered around to see their new sister when I brought her home from the hospital. It was as if she was an adorable little doll. After all the blue around our farmhouse in Braddock, North Dakota, now we could not get enough of pinks, ruffles and ribbons.

From the start, Theresa was an easygoing baby. But at three-weeks old she awoke in the wee hours one morning and would not get back to sleep. I fed her and rocked her, but she refused to settle down. Even though her skin felt cool, I took her temperature. It was 102. I wrapped her up in a warm blanket, and rocked her some more. By 6 a.m. her temperature had reached 103. I told my husband Pat that he had better feed the cattle right away so we could bring her to the clinic when it opened. During our frantic one-hour drive to Bismarck, as we fervently prayed the rosary, Theresa’s lips began to turn blue. “Dear God, take care of her,” we prayed.

Once at the clinic, we sat impatiently in a waiting room full of sick children. I knew something was terribly wrong and I could not stand to wait any longer. “Either we see a doctor or you are going to have a dead baby on your hands,” I demanded to the receptionist. We were brought in immediately.

“We are going to do a spinal tap,” the doctor announced. “It will be better if you sit in the waiting room.” Within the hour, Theresa was transferred to the adjoining hospital. Throughout the day Pat and I prayed continuous rosaries. No one seemed particularly worried as they kept us updated on the tests that were being administered. At 7 p.m. a nurse came out with unimaginable news: “I am sorry but your little girl died. Would you like to come in and hold her one last time?”

It was if time stopped and none of this was real. My ears must have deceived me. “No, it couldn’t be!” I cried. I knew my baby was sick, but never once had I imagined she would die.

I held her limp little body, which was wrapped snuggly in a blanket and sobbed. “You can’t be dead,” I cried. “You can’t be gone.” Pat also held her and cried. We were devastated. When we buried her on December 23, 1976, we buried a part of ourselves. It seemed Christmas did not come that year.

Our boys were still babies themselves. Our grief had to take a backseat to the here and now of caring for them. They were sometimes confused to see mommy crying and they wondered where their baby went, but they were too young to understand the immensity of what we had lost.

No one was really sure why Theresa had died. Her death certificate read Reyes Syndrome for lack of any better clues. Two years later the blessing of another baby girl helped fill our loss. Sarah was beautiful, and perfectly healthy. Her sunny disposition brought us great joy and her intelligence amazed us.

When Sarah was eleven months old, and developed flu-like symptoms, I could not help but worry. Once you lose a child, that possibility seems to hang over every illness. Several doctors gave various diagnoses: “She’s teething…It’s just a virus.” It bothered me that they were brushing me off. I took her to an intern in Linton, a smaller town. He listened to my gut feeling and ran some x-rays. One of Sarah’s kidneys was shutting down and the other would soon follow. We were sent to The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Although I was scared, there was an element of relief at being sent to one of the finest, most medically advanced clinics in the country. If anyone could help Sarah, they could. I also believed God would not take another one of our children. Surely, we had already been through enough.

Once we got there, Sarah’s health deteriorated quickly. That evening a priest and nun came to our room. The priest offered to give Sarah the final blessing of the sick. At that point, Sarah was suddenly animated and cheerful, as if she was not even sick. It almost seemed inappropriate to be giving the final sacrament to a child who appeared so healthy.

When the priest took out the holy oils, Sarah quickly dipped her hand into the bottle then reached over to Pat and me and made the sign of the cross on our foreheads. We were in awe. Sarah was only fourteen months and had never done anything like that before. That evening she slipped into a coma. The priest came back later and said: “That blessing was for you not her. I believe she knew what you would have to endure in the days ahead.” Twelve days later, Sarah died.

Our grief was overwhelming. A year with an angel had given us such joy. Without her, the world was a darker place. There were no words to describe the loss to her two big brothers when we returned home without their cherished little sister. Life went on, but it was so much harder this time. Why did God allow this to happen? I knew of handicapped children in other families, but God chose to take our healthy, perfect little daughter. So many children suffered child abuse. Why had God not taken one of them and let us keep Sarah?

It was determined that Sarah had died of idiopathic infantile arterial calcification. Her vital organs had shut down and began to calcify. It had to be what caused Theresa’s death two years earlier. We were informed that any future children would carry a 75% chance of inheriting this genetic disorder.

The following year our drought-starved crops left no harvest in which to support our family. We drove to Oregon and stayed with one of my sisters that summer to earn money painting houses. Life was just so burdensome. I often visited Sarah’s grave and collapsed in tears. “Why, Lord, why?” I cried. I wanted to trust God but it was hard.

The following year, rains again renewed the earth. But I wondered, what of our own renewal? Did we dare have more children? Pat and I prayed the rosary every night. After two years of praying without any clear answers, we attended a Marriage Encounter weekend. During this time, I learned that Pat resented me. He believed our losses had not hurt me as much as it did him. I strove to be strong for the family and maintain a level of normalcy. I had talked about our losses in attempt to heal. Pat felt it hurt too much to talk. For the first time we uncovered pain and resentment that still lay buried. We cried and hugged and relived the pain we had experienced together. Then, just as the rains replenish the earth our tears renewed our relationship.

That weekend healed us and gave us the faith to be open to new life. It would have been easy to say we were not going to have any more children, but we felt we needed to give God a chance to work in our lives. We decided to be open to life and trust that everything would be in His hands.

Others did not see it that way. As my pregnant belly grew, so did the small-town gossip. Losing two children had brought sympathy because it had been beyond my control, but this pregnancy brought harsh opinions: “She should know better…. How foolish to have another child when they know the risks…Don’t they know what causes that? “

I gave birth to another girl. Cindy was born looking amazingly identical to Sarah. Of course there was a fear that we would one day lose her, but for the moment, we loved her with all we had. There was no test to determine if she carried the disease. Living to the age of two was the only assurance to know whether she was affected or not. When I became pregnant again just five months later, the cold shoulders of my neighbors grew frigid. Yet, our faith carried us through. God’s opinion was the only one that mattered. Susan was born looking exactly like Theresa did at birth.

Raising my beautiful daughters, under a cloud of uncertainty was hard. But every time I was tempted to fear, I recited part of the Lord’s prayer over and over: “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done.” I also prayed: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Our girls are twenty-one and twenty now. Through our faith, joy fully blossomed in our family again. Our faith touched someone else, too. For twenty-four years, on May Day–the anniversary of Sarah’s death–a lady in town sends us a card and flowers. She knew our precious Sarah and she never forgets. In her cards she expresses how much our example has helped her to grow in her own faith. “I truly know that there is a God and through your faith, you have helped me find my way to Him,” she wrote one year.

Our pain strengthened us because we allowed God to work in our lives. Without Him, we would have quit church, and stayed away from people with young children. Our losses could have driven Pat and me apart. Instead, we gradually learned to trust and embrace life again. God rewarded our trust and gave us two more little angels.

Madonna and her husband Pat were both the tenth child in their families. They had farmed and ranched west of Braddock, ND.

Madonna was a beloved aunt of many, including two priests from one family; Frs. David and Thomas Richter. Early on Nov. 1, 2005, Madonna and Pat were returning home from morning Mass when they collided with a southbound car with three men returning from the night shift work at Bobcat. Madonna, 55, died at the scene. Patrick, 57, died eight days later, never having recovered from his coma.

Madonna shared her story with me for the Amazing Grace for Mothers book, two years before she died. Three years after her death, I spoke at a retreat that her daughter Cindy attended. “Thank you for writing my mother’s story,” she said. “There were things I never knew until I read it. I am so thankful.” Both girls are married with children of their own, grateful for their lives and their mother’s legacy.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

The Broken Path

I opened my mail and found a review copy of The Broken Path: How Catholic Bishops Got Lost in the Weeds of American Politics by Judie Brown. I decided I was probably too busy to even read it.

Three chapters into it, I felt I had no choice but to write a review. When I gave my gift of writing back to God many years ago, my first book was a guide for passing on the Catholic faith. Judie’s book is about having the guts to live out that faith without hiding behind situational ethics. She has the courage to scrutinize the Church she loves by holding it up to Catholic ideals.  Her criticisms are only directed at those who do not love the Catholic faith enough to teach without compromise. She contends that failure to do so is hurting our society.

As the president and co-founder of the American Life League, the largest Catholic pro-life organization in the United States, Judie has witnessed the political intrigue among laity and leaders served up as excuses to lower the bar of Catholic morality.  Although some would label Judie a radical, she would likely prefer to merely be called a Catholic– expecting that such a label means something.

There lies the problem that Judie addresses.  “It is obvious that something quite disturbing has happened to Catholic identity in the United States,” she writes. “Today it is nearly impossible to distinguish the Catholic American from any other American.”   Judie claims that as Catholics in America, our primary goal should be to stand firm on the truths of Jesus Christ and not embrace worldly values that dilute it to the point that sin is painted as a virtue.

Judie wants the name “Catholic” to mean something and not everything or anything.  Two popes have recognized Judie’s rock solid Catholicism, having been appointed by both Pope John Paull II and by Pope Benedicts XVI to the Pontifical Academy for Life.  Identifying Catholic clergy as part of the Catholic problem at first made me wince. Bishops and priests, after all, are representatives of Christ.  Judie acknowledges it’s not considered a polite tactic. “I have been told that, when we lay people make a public point of suggestion that the Church law in question should be obeyed, we are acting in disrespect and doing nothing but creating an unwelcome disturbance.”

But Judie’s criticism is not the hateful gruel of “Ha, ha, look what the priest did,” but rather, “Come on dear clergy, be Jesus and keep us on the Catholic path.”   In my own past, I experienced first hand the damage a priest can cause when trading Catholic values for secular ones. “It’s not realistic to expect couples to follow the Pope’s teaching on birth control,” our parish priest who also worked as a doctor once told me. One vasectomy later, we learned the danger of assuming all clergy represent Catholic teaching. We are eternally grateful that the truth was discovered and the error was reversed soon enough so as not to miss welcoming four more souls into our family.

HHS Mandate

The Broken Path was written before the current war over the HHS Mandate—the  Obamacare regulations that requires Catholic employers, hospitals and schools to provide health-insurance coverage to their employees that pays for sterilization, birth control and “morning after” pills.  Yet, it presents the path that has perhaps bolstered the administrations confidence to believe that Catholics would ultimately go along it. It also is a call to Catholics to step out and say: Enough and no more!

The book’s message reflects the sentiments that Pope Benedict XVI gave Catholics last January 19 in an address to a group of American bishops visiting the Vatican.

EWTN News reported that the pope was particularly concerned with “certain attempts being made to limit that most cherished of American freedoms, the freedom of religion.”  He  stated, “It is imperative that the entire Catholic community in the United States comes to realize the grave threats to the Church’s public moral witness presented by a radical secularism which finds increasing expression in the political and cultural spheres.”

Through the union of all U.S. bishops working together against the mandate, there is a surge of unity and leadership, yet it is only a beginning. The Broken Path explains the history that led so much of our laity to become weak and uninformed.  She covers a wide array of issues that have hemorrhaged away our strength, from health care and Catholic schools to politics and a lack of teaching on birth control. It is not an easy read in terms of facing problems, yet it is a good read.  It is good to understand how we got where we are today. And just as disappointing decisions and behaviors among our priests and bishops are reported on, so too are stories of courage and heroism.

There is Always Hope

Readers are not left feeling hopeless. The end of each chapter offers encouragement and suggestions on ways to strengthen our beloved Church. “Catholics are called to faith and reason,” Brown writes. “One place to start is by supporting seminarians of character and seminaries of good repute in the spiritual formation of our future spiritual leaders.”

We also read of good news within our Church such as the increase in priestly vocations. “Examining the United States’ upward trend when it comes to young men who are responding positively to priestly vocations, it is realistic to say that where inspiring bishops and holy vocation directors are found, a dramatic increase in vocations will also be found.”

Judie Brown is black and white on issues and that means that she is not without controversy and detractors, particularly on the abortion issue. Legislation that reduces abortion still does allow it so such compromise is not in her vocabulary. And yet, other dedicated pro-lifers often disagree, arguing that if backing imperfect legislation reduces abortions then it is best to support such bills than fight against them.

Judie’s love of the Catholic Church is without compromise. In the book’s closing she writes, “Teach your family members, your friends, and your enemies what it means to be Catholic by the way you live your life. Speak about your love for Christ and the teachings of the Church that brighten your life even when they are a challenge.”

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

My Weekend in a Women’s Prison

I recently spent the weekend in a women’s prison.  It was my first time in prison and I was there to assist with a two-day Catholic retreat.  Around the same time, I was also invited to a movie junket to Beverly Hills to watch a movie, meet the stars, network with others in the media, and then write a review. Since I still have children at home, I pace myself and didn’t feel right about doing both.  I love movie junkets, but I chose prison.

Those two days in prison gave me something not for sale on Rodeo Drive—love.  Love is not what one might expect in prison, but there are a lot of things there that might surprise people.  For me, it was an insider’s view at the other side of life. I have worked in the social work field, ran a group home and did foster care–the results of mothers who did not have their act together.  Meeting these women who are mothers, wives, and daughters,  humanized the people I previously viewed from a distance with not a little judgment.

Loving  Prisoners

As a mother myself, I have never been able to understand women who choose a boyfriend, a drug, or a crime over her children. I’ve seen the results of children thrust into the world without a stable mommy or daddy.  Yet, my compassion for them—the ones who let children down—began many years ago in a social work class.

Contemplating the command to love our neighbor as ourselves, I asked myself how I could possibly muster such love for someone who abused or neglected children. Immediately, I felt a divine answer:  Those are the former children of neglect and abuse—the ones you have such a heart for.

Suddenly, seeing the cycle clearly before me, I understood better how God could still love his children and through such a lens, how I could love them–my neighbor. Still, I did not expect the flood of compassion and love I experienced for them in prison.

The retreat was an optional activity the women had signed up for ahead of time. Initially, only 25 came. By the second day, that number dwindled to 19. But those 19 were fierce in seeking the Lord. My friend and fellow retreat helper, Shellie, and I got to know four women who sat at our table; Marion, Delores, Jessica and Shandra (names have been changed to respect their privacy).  Together, we grew to love these women who loved God and their family beyond anything we would have imagined. These women were not monsters or uncaring mothers. They were frail human beings with struggles and hardships. Every woman I met that weekend, blamed no one but herself for her bad decisions, but my heart broke for them just the same.  We cried together for their pain and regrets.

Their Stories

The poor women at our table often looked for little ways to be nice to us, like brings us coffee at lunch and cookies during a snack time. They felt like friends; fellow sisters-in-Christ with a love for Jesus and one another.

Marion got mixed up with the wrong guy. She thought he loved her.  Looking sadly at me she confided,  “My friends warned me. They told me I could end up in trouble.”  Marion paused with tears in her eyes. “I thought I might get a DUI or something like that, but I never imagined this.”  She said the apartment was in her name, so she is paying the penalty for the drugs that were found there. Her ex-boyfriend walks free.  Yet, I imagine Marion has greater freedom. When asked what times in her life brought her closer to God, her answer was immediate, “Coming to prison.”  She attends Bible study and shared with us the many spiritual books she reads to find God’s comfort.

Delores is thin and soft-spoken. I don’t know what she is in for.  Her “significant other” of 30 years was injured in a horse riding accident and ended up on a ventilator. She had to make the decision to pull the plug which her youngest of three children has not forgiven her for.  Shandra had been arrested for drugs previously.  She went to treatment and was straight for 5 years then relapsed. During her relapse, she tried to get help. She was on a waiting list for treatment when she got busted again. Shandra’s heart breaks that she will be away from her young grandson whom she adores.  Her own son was also sent to prison the day after she was.  She writes and encourages him to turn to God.

Then, there was Jessica. She cried more than she spoke. Several times we prayed together as a group. She prayed about her younger siblings and how proud she is of them and that she hopes they know. She prayed for safety for her younger siblings that they would stay away and protected from one relative–guessing some child sex abuse might be involved.

No Excuses, Just Grace

I know that many of these women have had hard lives, but not all. One women I met was selling meth and cocaine (they were not users) with her husband, bringing it in from Texas.  “The money was so good,” she explained. She knew it was wrong but gave into temptation. She and her husband were both sentenced to 5 years. Both have turned to God and often share Scripture passages in their letters to each other.

So often, those with compassionate hearts will consider those in prison and say, “There but for the grace of God go I.”  But I do not say that.  In my talk to the group, I explained that such a saying would mean they did not get the graces they needed to stay out of prison but God favored me with such graces. That is not true.  God gives us all the grace we need for our state of life. And he gives us the graces we need when we repent of our sins and seek him.

Sherry Grace, the founder of Mother’s for Incarcerated Sons, tells the men she speaks to in prison, “God loves you so much that he took you out of the world and brought you to this institution of higher learning, where you can give your life to the Lord and begin to serve him for the rest of your lives.”

The couple from middle class, educated families, brought humiliation upon themselves and their relatives when they were caught selling drugs.  But they have repented and are seeking God now. What of all those out of prison who sin in secret?  What of those in high positions who have extramarital affairs, are hooked on porn or have their own drug problems?  Society holds them in high esteem while heaping scorn on prisoners.

God sees all and surely, in God’s eyes there are some in prison living in freedom and those on the outside chained to sin. There will be prisoners who will be saved in the end and those never convicted of a single crime who will spend eternity in bondage.

Christ came to set the captives free. As his followers, we are called not to judge but to love our neighbor as ourselves. When we pray for the conversion of sinners, we are often praying for those we least suspect are at risk for eternal damnation.

I am thankful for a criminal justice system that exists to protect society. I am also thankful for a merciful God who forgives and grants mercy to sinners and sets us all free. It is truly an honor to partake in God’s mercy through prison ministry.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

To Forward or Not to Forward?

“This is Amazing…It is no wonder there are scriptural references to the eagle!”  Thus began an email forwarded to me. An inspirational message about pain as necessary for change stated that an eagle must go through a painful process of ripping out its beak and talons when it is forty years old so that new ones will grow. Then, the majestic bird is allotted another 30 years; able to reach the age of seventy. And when it rains, this mighty bird soars above the clouds—just as we should.

Photographs worthy of National Geographic were spaced between words of encouragement that ended with a command to “forward this message to others”.

The goal of this email, however, was not to inspire. It was to dupe. Eagles only live 30 years, they don’t rip out beaks or talons, and there is no tradition of their flying above the clouds when it rains.

Who would do such a thing?  The same sort of people who have perpetuated some of the top urban legends such as the claim that Mr. Rogers had a former secret career as a trained assassin, and that ATM users can quickly contact police in the event of an attempted robbery by entering their PIN in reverse. The cyberspace is full of lies disguised as inspiration, political alerts, health warnings, and prayers. Many come complete with enhanced photographs. The ones that are especially ironic are those that state, “Even Snopes has confirmed this,” along with a link to Snopes that attributes it as false.  People who forward such emails, obviously do not check the link themselves.

A popular forward among Christians are prayers promising something wonderful if the email gets forward to 10 people in the next 10 minutes.  I’ve had devout Catholics send me prayers and words of inspirations about angels or saints with big promises attached if I forward quickly and to many.  Some people forward them stating, “I don’t usually forward these but….”

There are the anti-Obama emails that claim he and Michelle surrendered their law licenses and another story that college transcripts reveal that Obama received a Fulbright Scholarship only awarded to foreign-born students.  There are so many true stories of concern regarding the current administration that the totally made up ones easily pass into the email traffic.

So what’s the harm? some ask. I don’t like Obama anyways and it won’t hurt people to read a prayer and forward it to 10 friends.  The problem is that such emails discredit the cause that the sender supports.  When people against the President ‘s actions send out these emails, they end up looking like scaremongers. It has the opposite effect than the sender intended.

Do you support Catholic prayers?  If so, then attaching a superstitious formula denigrates true faith. God will answer according to what is best for us. Some accuse Catholics of following formulas when we pray novenas for nine days. The first novena began when the Blessed Mother and the Apostles prayed together for nine days between the Ascension and Pentecost. It is a tradition, not a magic formula. How did the first email forward promising results begin?  Not within our Catholic tradition or authority.

Prayer involves trust and faith, not forwards with demands attached.  Recipients of such emails either think the sender is foolish or they also forward and thereby perpetuate the notion that prayers are superstitious. The person forwarding did not stop to ask:  “By whose authority will I get what I want if I forward to 10 people in 10 minutes?”

Before Forwarding

*  Pause before hitting the forward button and ask, “Can I trust the contents?”

*  Be wary of stories that don’t include names of people and cities where events supposedly took place.  Can the story be verified?

*  Do you like the prayer and find it inspiring?  In such a case, go ahead and forward, but first remove the demands to send to a particular number of people within a set time.

*  Check the message at sites that investigate email claims.

Snopes

Scambusters

Truth or Fiction

*Follow up.  If you discover the email is a hoax, let the person who sent it to you know and ask that the correction get sent back up the chain.

*  Rely on credible news sources. Avoid messages with no author or news source.

It is sometimes hard to know what and whom you can believe.  I’ve learned the hard way not to forward even convincing sounding emails. My brother, who is a computer expert and very internet savvy would catch the hoaxes and warn me to check out the stories before forwarding.

Forwarding false or scandalous information does not build up the Body of Christ. We can’t completely hoax proof our emails, but by using good judgment we can at least slow down the traffic.  In the meantime, we can pray that the hoaxers find a better hobby.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms

Years ago, a local newspaper columnist praised the fare of TV prime-time viewing.  She supported modern examples of broken families as being the sit-com subject of choice.  Betty, the columnist, cheered the portrayal of brokenness in place of idealistic programs such as “Leave it to Beaver,”  “Father Knows Best,” or the “Brady Bunch.”  There were many such programs in the Fifties and Sixties where love and respect were key and there was a moral for each episode.

Betty, pointed out that such positive examples left families that did not measure up feeling as though, well, that they did not measure up.  So, she applauded TV’s dysfunctional family.  According to her, people could finally watch TV and not feel so bad if their family was a mess. Instead, there would be support and camaraderie.

I’m not opposed to portraying all sorts of families, because brokenness is not beyond God’s mercy.  However, I found a critical error in Betty’s logic.  She ultimately was saying that as a society, it’s best to lower the bar so that no one feels badly for not achieving the ideal. But in the process, goals and expectations are also lowered.  I don’t like people to feel bad, but I do like people to see that there is an ideal; that if a family works to live a Christ-centered life, there is a better way.

My Dad grew up with his mother running a boarding house to support him and his three siblings. His own father was an alcoholic (there was no Alcoholics Anonymous for help back then).  Yet, my dad was a wonderful, loving, respectful spouse and parent.  Rather than resenting ideal families on TV, he saw what they looked like.  I’m not crediting TV with making him the wonderful father he was, (and still is at 87) but my Dad reached higher than his own family experience.

This is a long introduction for my suggestion of taking a Lenten journey with the aid of Lisa Hendy’s two books: A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body and Soul and The Handbook for Catholic Moms: Nurturing Your Heart, Mind, Body and Soul. My reason for beginning as I did is because Lisa is doing exactly what the wholesome TV programs of old did— raise the bar and provide ideals.  She does it in a very real and very Catholic way.  Lisa’s books don’t pretend we are all sitting pretty in our perfect Catholic families. Instead, she takes us where we are and lifts us higher.

In The Handbook for Catholic Moms, Lisa shares her joy of having had wonderful parents, a loving husband, and two great kids.  At first glance, a suffering soul might feel as Betty did about ideals: They make me feel bad when I compare myself with them.  But Lisa shares her own shortcomings, such as the 15 years of her marriage in which she struggled. During those years, parts of her life were not the ideal she wanted, including a husband that was not Catholic.

“I was confounded by the fact that we weren’t one of those seemingly perfect couples I saw seated around me every Sunday at Mass,” she wrote. In time, she came to understand that marriage is not about control.  “How very selfish of me to insert myself and my needs into the spiritual life of my husband, rather than seeing the situation for what it was—Greg’s unique journey toward a God who loves him unconditionally.”  When Greg joined the Catholic Church after going through RCIA, (Right of Christian Initiation of Adults), they had been married 17 years.  “I wish I had spent the first fifteen years of that initiation process praying more fervently for my husband, just as he was, than judging myself and not truly appreciating the depth of his quiet, unassuming spirituality.”

Lisa also shares the pain and feeling of failure when one of her sons kept getting his name on the board for talking in class.  But along the way, Lisa learned that it’s not about perfection, it’s about reaching for God and reaching out to one another—something Lisa is an expert at.  Her website CatholicMom.com is a virtual neighborhood of Catholic Mom’s.  (http://catholicmom.com).

The best part of this book is that it is not just Lisa’s insights (although those are very good) but that she brings together a community of women who also share their struggles and insights. Divorce, disabled children, anxiety, health, fitness, housework, and the spiritual…. every issue, like the subtitle says:  heart, mind, body and soul.

It’s a whole earth catalog of living well as we journey to heaven. The book includes personal testimonies, inspirations quotes throughout, “Mom’s Homework” (nah, it’s not really work, just helpful suggestions), and a list of resources at the end of each chapter.

Lisa’s second book, A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart Mind, Body and Soul, is a PERFECT compliment to The Handbook for Catholic Moms.  It’s not just a saint book, but it is a way of taking a saint with us through the day as our companion. Beginning with the Blessed Virgin Mary—the perfect saint above all others, and our Heavenly Mother—each of the 52 chapters tells of a saint, provides lessons and wisdom, explains traditions associated with the saint, daily scripture, saint-related activities for Mom and also for children, a prayer, and something to ponder in your heart.  Whew!  In other books, one learns about the saint, but in A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms, saints become close companions for the week.

In both of Lisa’s books, she extends a “come as you are” invitation and invites every Mom to join her on the journey.    Everyone needs support and help to do better—especially during Lent. Lisa gives us both, and like the old TV shows, she  points us to the ideal—and all without commercials!

To spend some time with Lisa, learning and and loving your faith, vist to her on Catholic Moments Podcast and visit her at LisaHendey.com.

Order The Handbook for Catholic Moms or A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Navigating the Interior Life

If you are faithfully Catholic, you are feeling the heat.  The spiritual battle is raging. Vices are masquerading as virtues and truth is being vilified.

The bigger picture it’s obvious–heaven vs. hell; God, his angels, and saints vs. the devil.  In the day-to-day however, lines blur and absolute truth often escapes us. There’s no question we want to one day be with God in heaven for all eternity, but getting there is a moment-by-moment journey, and as they say, the devil is in the details.

For Catholics seeking holiness, some tools are obvious—Mass, prayer and the sacraments. But it is the little things that can trip us up and leave us wondering: How can I do better to live a holier life?

In medicine, there is a cliché, “A doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient.”  We lack objectivity when it comes to ourselves. To bring this example home in a sad and real way, my husband’s brother was a physician who did not have a personal doctor. He died of a heart attack two years ago at the age of fifty-two. In spite of getting regular exercise, he failed to realize that his arteries were blocking; gradually, without detection. Although he was a kind, compassionate, and highly intelligent man, objectivity for his own case escaped him.

Blind Spots

As author Dan Burke describes it, we have blind spots when it comes to ourselves.  In his new book, Navigating the Interior Life, Spiritual Direction And the Journey to God, Burke begins by sharing an experience in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains. He was fly fishing alone. Having come across fresh mountain lion tracks, Burke carefully surveyed the surrounding terrain before turning his attention on the river that rushed through the canyon before him. That, after all, was where the fish were—the goal—and where he needed to put his attention.  Focusing on the goal clouded his ability to keep track of what was around him until a feeling of unease mounted and “with a teeth-bearing growl” he quickly hiked back to safety.

It is our blind spots that harbor spiritual attacks. ”The best among us work very hard to develop virtue and to avoid or eliminate sin, yet often have only a vague understanding of the fragile nature of our souls,” Burke writes. “Saints and sinners alike, we all have blind spots.”  He reminds us of Scripture’s warning:  “Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in faith” (1 Pet. 5:8-9).

Burke credits spiritual direction with forming him and keeping him on course. He is the Executive Director of and writer for EWTN’s National Catholic Register a regular co-host on Register Radio , and the co-founder of the blog, Roman Catholic Spiritual Direction that he began with Fr. John Bartunek.  He had hoped that at least a few people would stumble upon it. When thousands responded the first year and tens of thousands the second, and then, hundreds of thousands from 190 countries, he knew he had hit a nerve.  Clearly, there were many like himself seeking greater union with Christ.

Burke’s love for Jesus initially brought him to the Baptist church, and then after intense study of Scripture and the Church Fathers, he entered the Catholic Church. But the feast before him was daunting. There were so many spiritually rich ways to go. A wealth of written material offered information, but much of it had the potential to harm those unfamiliar with the Church’s teachings related to mystical and ascetical theology.  It is through spiritual direction that Burke says he made profound gains in his spiritual development.

What is Spiritual Direction?

Burke defines Spiritual Direction as a relationship between the Holy Spirit, the director, and the directee with the main focus being union with God. He points out that even Jesus put himself in the position of being born of the Blessed Mother and submitted to her care.  Scripture also shows that although Jesus revealed himself to St. Paul in a personal encounter on the way to Damascus, St. Paul was still told to receive spiritual direction from Ananias.

Navigating the Interior Life is personal in that it reaches our deepest most important self—the spiritual. It is a blueprint for seeking guidance and support, a compass to point the way, and is presented by a companion, walking alongside us on the journey.  Burke explains, “My hope is that this simple effort will provide a light on the path to the great, but often forgotten treasures that lie waiting for any heart who sincerely desires them.”

This week, we’re giving away two copies of Navigating the Interior Life by Dan Burke – to enter, leave a comment below by midnight on Friday, February 15, 2013. Two winners will be randomly selected to win the book. 

Order Navigating the Interior Life at Amazon and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase.

Update: Congratulations to our winners, Elizabeth and Patricia. Thanks to all who entered!

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

From Catholic School to Prison

Recently, I began corresponding with a young man who once walked down a dark, destructive path.  Eric is sentenced to twenty years in a Jamestown, ND prison for his third drug offense. He tracked me down through Ascension Press, the publisher of my co-authored Amazing Grace books.  After reading Amazing Grace for Survivors and discovering that I was also from Bismarck, ND, he wanted to let me know how inspirational he found the book and to share his own conversion story.  

I contacted Fr. Justin Waltz, a priest in our diocese who was friends with Eric while attending the same Catholic high school my children attend.  “What is your impression of Eric?” I asked him.

“I knew him in high school and considered him a friend,” Fr. Justin explained, “But I lost touch with him when he got involved with meth.”

He has visited Eric in prison and again considers him a friend. “Eric is a gentle, loving man and got himself in a pile of trouble,” he said.  “His conversions is one of the most heartfelt I’ve seen in my prison ministry.” Fr. Justin has shared Eric’s story in homilies and says it is changing lives. “Eric’s life is touching others in a powerful way, even people he knows nothing about find hope and healing in just hearing about him.”

Here is Eric’s story in his own words.

From Altar Boy to Addict

For many, youth holds memories of good times with friends; sporting events, concerts and plays…. a carefree time before the bigger responsibilities of life set in. For an addict however, it is a time of missed opportunities, pain, and delusions. I was addicted to methamphetamine and was caught by the law three times. My third offense at the age of thirty earned me twenty years in the North Dakota Penitentiary.  I am serving my third year at the medium security James River Correctional Center.  In 2018, I will be eligible for parole.  Although it is six years down the road, I think of it with thanksgiving. Through God’s mercy and love, he allowed me to live and repent so I have a chance of life with him. Had I died and went to hell, there would have been no parole in eternity.

Locked away from friends, family and the outside world, it would be easy to feel sorry for myself or blame others. Alcoholism runs in my family. My parents often argued with each other over how to handle me.  At times, I thought that everyone was against me.  Now, I understand, that I was against me.  Those who really loved me never abandoned me even when I gave them no reason to still love me. And God, was always there–waiting, waiting, waiting until I finally opened my heart up to him.

I was once an altar boy, oblivious to life beyond my day-to-day desire for a good time.  The teachers at St. Ann’s found me challenging; always talking and goofing off.  In third grade, a teacher moved my desk up near hers. It seemed to be the only way to keep me from disrupting class.

In high school, getting drunk was just another way to have fun.  I did not understand the battle waging for my soul. Perhaps “battle” is not the right word since I put up no resistance and willingly joined the ranks of evil. Sex, drugs and rock and roll took away my feelings of insecurity and a tendency towards depression. I added marijuana to drinking and gradually tried other drugs, settling on methamphetamine as my drug of choice. Selling drugs made me cool and gave me friends—or at least my idea of cool and friendship back then.  By high school graduation, I was using needles. That August, I was charged with two offenses—one for selling marijuana and one for meth–and put on probation.

Betrayed

Probation did not go well for me. Feeling isolated an alone outside the drug world, I quickly slipped back into it. During my time on probation, my girlfriend dumped me.  I thought I had acted heroically—confessing that everything was my doing and getting her out of trouble. Her response was to break up with me.

Shortly thereafter, I was driving around with someone I thought was a friend looking for meth one evening. He asked me to drop him off at our buddy’s house. I recognized cars of old friends and my ex-girlfriend wanted to go in with him and hang out. “You can’t come, Eric,” he informed me. “Just drop me off and leave.”  (The buddy whose house it was died in the Nineties from a heroin overdose.)

Loneliness burned through me. I would be better off dead, I thought.  The feeling of failure and worthlessness intensified as I was coming down from meth at that moment. I drove home and then argued with my parents.  After the argument, I admitted to my mom that I wanted to kill myself.  She took me to the hospital. When the nurse rolled up my sleeves, black and blue marks from bad aim with needles, spotted my arms. I was put in the psychiatric ward for a couple weeks.  Unfortunately, I soon worked my way back into the same old drug seen, making new friends and living for the next high.

Eventually, I was caught for violating probation and sentenced to eight months in the Missouri River Corrections Center, (MRCC) a low-security prison.

Time to Grow Up

My parents were divorced by the time I was released in 1996. I went to live with my Dad and slipped back into the same druggie lifestyle.  In 1999, I was busted again and went to treatment for ten months then sent back to the MRCC where many of my friends were. My fellow-drug using girlfriend had gotten pregnant but thankfully sobered up once she realized she was expecting. Our son was born while I served my sentence. It’s time to grow up, I decided.  Even when friends had drugs smuggled in, I abstained. After my release, I enrolled in welding school at Bismarck State College and made the President’s Honor Roll. I then added a certification in pipe welding.

It seemed my life was finally headed in a good direction.  My girlfriend met up with another guy, but I saw my son often; we were very close. Then, it all faded away. I started getting together with old friends and one night gave into the temptation to get high again. One time won’t hurt, I thought.  But the old pull into darkness took over and I fell back into the drug scene. I lost many high paying jobs due to my drug usage, began dealing again, and eventually got caught again. This was my third offense so I knew it meant a mandatory twenty-year sentence.

While the charges were pending, suicide seemed my best option. I had failed as a father, as a son, as an employee, and even as a dealer by getting caught three times.  A complete feeling of worthlessness filled my every waking moment. I considered different ways I could kill myself.  One particularly low night, I went into the garage and started up my truck with the garage door closed. Soon, it will all be over, I thought.  I took a deep breath and wondered how long it would take the carbon monoxide to kill me.

Sitting in the dark and waiting for death, the putrid smell of exhaust began to sicken me. What if hell is like this; with this sickening smell, sitting in darkness forever? I suddenly thought. I had ignored God for so long, but looking death in the face, I thought of eternity. How could I enter eternity like this? I realized.  I belong in hell.  I turned off the engine and went into the house.  I didn’t want to go on living but I realized killing myself wasn’t the solution.

A Way Out

Shortly thereafter, a family friend who knew my situation began visiting with me and encouraged me to turn to God. I felt too unworthy to ask God for help. “Jesus died for your sins,” he told me. “He wants you to go to him.”   I had nowhere else to turn.  So, I found the courage to pray.

“Dear God, I don’t deserve your help,” I prayed.  “I am sorry for what I’ve done with my life. Please help me to get through this. Please give me the strength.”  It was like reconciliation with a friend I had not spoken to in a long time. Once the communication began, I kept talking to God and began to feel his presence. I was no longer alone.

The lies of my life fell away. I saw how wrong I had been for so many years as the light of God shone through.  My mother, who I had once hated, had been right about so many things. It amazed to me after so many years of hurt, she and other family members still stood by me.

Going to prison loomed before me, but through Christ, I began to celebrate life as a gift. Many of my friends were dead from drug overdoses and suicide. I had been seriously beaten up and left for dead more than once. My mom once received a terrible phone call from the hospital at 2:30 AM.  She was told I had been in a serious car accident after leaving a bar drunk and would probably not make it through the night. But for some reason, I was still alive. God still has a plan for me, I realized. Even in prison, he has a plan for me!

It was agonizing walking into prison in 2009, sentenced for twenty years. Leaving my poor innocent son, even now breaks my heart.  Yes, I was afraid but I did not feel alone. I felt God’s presence with me.

In prison, I have the opportunity to attend Mass and catechism class.  I have some amazing spiritual leaders here, a wonderful counselor and boss, and access to many great Catholic books. For the first time, I learned how truly amazing our Catholic faith is, and about Jesus, Mary, and all the saints.  I am especially fascinated by St. Padre Pio who I had never heard of before. The spiritual life is so much richer than the small world of an addict.  In prison, I came to truly understand that when we receive the Eucharist, we are receiving Jesus Christ. I compare that to the times I got drunk and used drugs. How foolish I was, opening myself up to the devil when all along I could have been receiving Jesus.

Now, I pray for the people from my past, even those who hurt me. No one is to blame but me for the bad choices I made.  I am blessed to have family that still stands by me; writing, visiting and praying.  I have not seen my poor eleven-year-old in over a year. His mother returned to a life of drugs and ended up having other children.  Fortunately, his grandparents are raising him with lots of love. Still, my son is struggling with feelings of anger and abandonment to have a father in prison. I love him so much and pray for him to heal from that hurt I’ve caused.

I don’t want to be here, but I know I needed to be put in here. God must still have a plan for me that he has allowed me to live. I am so thankful for all he has done and I hope to spend the rest of my life serving him. To some, it might seem my life was over when I was sent to prison, but through Christ, it has only just begun.

Wherefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold, they are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong 

St. Mary’s Messenger Magazine

How would you like to be splashed with water as you walk down the street?  In Poland, that’s how they say, “Happy Easter!”

If you had read last Easter’s issue of St. Mary’s Messenger magazine for children, you would have known that.

I recently stumbled upon St. Mary’s Messenger through a phone call from Kris Weipert. She had come across my name by putting “Catholic” and “North Dakota” together on an internet search. Being a writer with those credentials, my name popped up. Her family was considering a move and she had heard good things about North Dakota. She just wanted to visit about that.

We talked for a while and learned a lot about each other. I learned that Kris is the mother of eight, going on nine, kids who homeschools in the state of Washington. Somehow, in the middle of such a life, Kris publishes a beautiful, inspirational, children’s Catholic Magazine. This is not paid advertising, so you can believe me when I say it is something every Catholic family should consider getting. To show it’s not just me talking, here are three comments I got when I posted a link to the magazine on my facebook page: “We get it and it’s wonderful”….”We subscribe and love it too”…”I ordered it for my son. It is beautiful.”

About the Publisher

Although I love to write, I’ve never had the slightest desire to shoulder the responsibility of getting a magazine published. So, I’m impressed on many levels. If you are as curious as I was as to what sort of barefoot-and-pregnant mom manages to homeschool and publish a magazine in her spare time, read on.

The family currently lives in the state of Washington and attends Sts. Peter and Paul church. Her children, four boys and four girls, are ages three to 20; the oldest is away from home attending Wyoming Catholic College. Baby number nine is expected to join the family this April.

The idea for the magazine began with a novena to St. Theresa of Lisieux while her kids were attending a Catholic school. “I felt there was a need for a children’s magazine to offset influence of secular magazines and fit their needs,” explained Kris. “Adults have so many more resources to choose from.”   After the novena, the inspiration to publish a Catholic version of Highlights came to her.

The idea took shape when Kris put together a team to donate everything from art and graphics to printing. The first issue, “All Saints” 2005 was born with 1,000 copies distributed to schools and parishes in the Salem, OR area where they lived at the time. This first endeavor made two things clear: people loved it, but it needed professional support. After a move to Washington, Kris put together another on-line issue and had staff at the University of Steubenville evaluate it. More good feedback led to two trial mini issues in 2009 sold as inserts with the Catholic Digest. The first full-sized 32-page magazine was born, fittingly, on Christmas of 2010.

Kris said she puts together the magazine in her spare time. “I use my down time while nursing, driving, putting kids down for naps, waiting in traffic, etc. to pray for ideas and content and to work it out,” Kris explained.  She types it up and then sends it to editor Bill Powell who lives in Front Royal, VA. “When we need content, we pray for it,” said Kris. “We also have two priests who have a special devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, praying for the intentions of St. Mary’s Messenger.”

One time, when Kris was thinking of how to explain the concept of Jesus present in the Tabernacle, she prayed to the children of Fatima for inspiration.   The idea of comparing the tabernacle to a treasure box holding the most special think in our Catholic faith came to her.

Magazine Content

Magazine content sometimes comes from contributors and have led to some fun coincidences. For instance, twin girls from Tacoma wrote a story about their pet rabbits for Easter. After it was published, one of the girls was doing virtual school for writing class and a classmate from Georgia asked if she was the girl in the article he had read.

Another fun coincidence happened with editor Bill Powell. A friend of his stopped by his home and saw the cover on the first Easter issue; a photo Kris had sent from Washington. “He was so surprised to see his youngest brother and sister pictured with their parish priest here in Olympia WA!”

The magazine is a slice of Catholic life from a child’s perspective. “We utilize what we have around us from our own children and parishes for inspiration,” said Kris.

Some favorite articles were Joe McDermott’s sword making article and another one about a Catholic teacher/coach who always picks silly nicknames for his students such as: Awesome Alex, Jumpin John, Honest Anna Maria, and Maddie Mo.

It’s a magazine for kids and by kids too. And if you count the prayers and divine inspiration that Kris says she depends on, it’s also a magazine for God and by him too.

Subscriptions for this quarterly magazine are $19.95 a year. Go to http://stmarysmessenger.com/ to learn more.

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire-Armstrong

Little Red Wagon

Kids are not always realistic. They believe anything is possible—Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and saving the world. Adults don’t believe in such things. So, it was a good thing for thousands of homeless children that Zach Bonner was just a gullible kid. In 2005, at only seven years of age, he became the youngest person ever to establish a 5013C non-profit foundation. He began Little Red Wagon Inc. to relieve the suffering of the homeless; particularly the children. “These kids don’t have a home, they don’t have a safe place to sleep at night. They’re out on the streets not because they want to be, but because it’s out of their control,” he said.

Zach is not what you call a “high achiever” because it was never about achievement. He acted out of compassion for others and today, at the age of fifteen, he continues the fight. The movie, Little Red Wagon, portrays the real life story of Zach Bonner. In 2004, after he survived unscathed from Florida’s Hurricane Charley, Zach learned that tens of thousands had lost their homes. Wanting to relieve their suffering, he took his little red wagon around the neighborhood, gathering for the relief effort.

From such a beginning, Zach’s awareness of homelessness expanded. He could not ignore the suffering across the country of those who were homeless due to poverty. As adults, we are all aware of the problem of suffering, but for Zach, his childish indignation melded with a determination that he could make a difference. He already had made a difference collecting donations in his little red wagon and he had no intention of stopping.

The movie Little Red Wagon, would seem almost too far-fetched if it was not true. For proof, go to Zach’s bio page and listen to his passionate plea to for people to make a difference in the lives of others. (Go to the 6-minute mark to hear his passion.) Little Red Wagon goes beyond family entertainment with a mission to inspire each of us, to go beyond what we thought we were capable of doing.

“When your room gets messy and it becomes too big of a problem, you shut the door and ignore it,” Zach says in the movie. “But closing the door doesn’t make the problem go away. If you just get started with a little part, it does not seem so overwhelming and it begins to make a difference.” And with such a down-to-earth perspective, people responded and donations poured in to help relieve what most of us feel is an overwhelming problem.

Little Red Wagon is produced by The Philanthropy Project, a non-profit initiative funded by the John Templeton Foundation. It was produced by three-time award-winning Dr. Michael Guillen. Zach (Chandler Canterbury) is supported in his efforts by his mother (Anna Gunn) and older sister (Daveigh Chase). Initially, the three collected over twenty-seven truckloads of supplies for the hurricane victims. As his compassion grew so did his activism. Zach came up with the idea of backpacks – “Zach Packs” for homeless children, filled with basic necessities plus, a toy. From there, he continued to raise money, put on a Christmas party for the homeless and then, he took his mission on the road.

Zack began raising money and awareness by walking from his hometown of Tampa, Florida to Tallahassee with his mother at his side and his sister driving a support vehicle. The film ends at the end of the first walk to raise money and awareness, but the story continues to this day. At the end of the movie are photographs and information about his other walks, which took him across the country. In 2009 he walked from Atlanta, GA to the capitol Washington, DC, and in 2010, Bonner walked from 2,478 miles from Tampa to Los Angeles in six months.

This is a movie for the entire family. Not only does it have the power to dampen the undeserved importance of childish interests such as video games, but it also serves notice to adults: There’s a big world out there, get out in it and dig in! Given that a mere child made such a difference, it leaves no room for excuses.

Little Red Wagon, rated PG released on DVD Tuesday, January 8.  To view the trailer go to:  http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=090091NU

We are pleased to have three giveaway copies of the Little Red Wagon on DVD. To enter to win, leave a comment below by Friday, January 18, 2013. Three winners will be randomly selected to win this great family DVD.

Update: our winners have been notified. Thanks to all who participated. LMH

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Father Mateo Crawley-Boevey

At times, an ardent Catholic is tempted to think that ignorance really is bliss and knowledge can be downright depressing. We know too much to be politically correct and go along with what is actually sin.  But how can we, in our smallness, set the world on fire with the light of Christ?

It often feels that we are perceived as a Catholic nut job. Yet, all we want is to do is follow Christ and spread his message.  We are no more extreme than the first apostles; at least that is the extremism for which we should be reaching. Sometimes, however, it’s hard and feels so lonely.

Firebrand for Our Times

Father Mateo Crawley-Boevey, SS.CC, a priest from Chile who spread the devotion of the Sacred Heart Enthronement around the world, understood this feeling. He was a firebrand who preached consolation and power through the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  After his health was restored at the shrine of the apparitions of the Sacred Heart in Paray-le-Monial, France, he was commanded by Pope Saint Pius X to devote his life to work on Christian renewal and empowerment through spreading the work of enthroning the Sacred Heart of Jesus home-by-home, heart-by-heart.

Beginning in 1907, he traveled the world for forty years, imploring families to invite Jesus into their homes and serve under his kingship. Although Father Mateo had been invited to preach in the United States as early as 1918, he did not finally come until 1940. He had heard so many bad things about our country’s lack of spirituality; perhaps he put off what he imagined to be a formidable task of conversion.  Instead, he became smitten with Americans and stayed for several years, preaching missions and retreats throughout the country.

Here is an excerpt from the now out-of-print biography of Fr. Mateo Firebrand by Marcel Bocouet, SS.CC.  It is taken from a retreat he preached to the Columban Fathers in Nebraska on May 24-30, 1942. His words are still salve to our spiritual wounds and ammunition for the battle.

I have been astounded by the great qualities of the people of the United States. You have here rich, rich material. In this dark hour your people can help the Church powerfully.  How? With sanctity!”

But he had no illusions concerning the dangers that menace Christian living in America.

Perhaps the devil realizes that you are likely to have a great future. Maybe that is why there is such a terrific attack against the home—an attack on marriage and on the natural laws; a fight to eliminate Christ and His influence in the home. What is the bombing of cities compared with the awful destruction of the home? There are worse disasters than those of war.

Then think of the ravages wrought by neutral education—neutral in regard to God. Imagine a child being neutral towards his mother! And yet, in spite of all these evils, you have wonderful gifts. The Lord Jesus seems to be preparing you for a great mission.

How will this, or any other mission be fulfilled? Listen to the answer of a veteran of many apostolic fields:  With utter disillusionment in everything else, I believe in no method that is not, first of all, sanctity and the Mass.

And what is sanctity?  To be on fire with love. And what makes the lover?  The knowledge that God loves him.  He has first loved us.  From this realization comes confidence, the trust of a child in a loving merciful Father. The next step is a return of love for love. This is the doctrine that opened the furrows for the seed of Christianity in the pagan world twenty centuries ago.  This is the great Gospel understood by the little ones and by the learned. And this Gospel is summed up in the adorable symbol of divine Love Incarnate, the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ.

Where, above all, can the soul be set on fire with love?  At the Mass. How can we best enkindle other souls?  Through the Mass. The Mass is the wonder of wonders. The Mass is the greatest action.  Your mission begins at the Mass. The priest is, as it were, the incarnation for the Mass.

One of the Columban Fathers jotted down some of Father Mateo’s striking affirmations:

There is pretext for discouragement, but no reason for it.  We can become saints in the simple accomplishment of daily life, in the beaten track, the simple path of Nazareth, without adding anything but the great sense of faith and the flame of charity.  Look at Mary in Nazareth–no halo, no pedestal, no miracle. Yet she is the Queen of Heaven.

A saint is always a penitent. The daily inconvenience of life:  there is the great penance, to be borne without grumbling. Grumbling makes us suffer three times and without merit.

If we gave Jesus one hundredth part of what soldiers give for their country, we would be saints.

A young man who is afraid to strive for sanctity should not be accepted for the seminary.

The saviors of mankind have always been saints. Dominic and Francis have done more for mankind than 50,000 politicians.

Austerity with pride can be found anywhere.  The great moral austerity of humility is rarely found.
When you have no wings of prayer to go against the law of gravity, you fall down.

Through the chalice of the Mass, through your interior life, you can save souls every day—in the measure of your interior life. This is a mission for everyone in the Communion of Saints.

If I have said, ‘Be a saint to become an apostle,” now I add, “Be an apostle to become a saint!”

Sacred Heart Enthronement

Father Mateo preached that through the enthronement of the Sacred Heart as King of the home, families are preserved and sanctified. Jesus promised St. Margaret Mary: “I will establish peace in their homes.” Love and devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus strengthens families under the kingship of Christ.

By enthroning our homes to the Sacred Heart we honor Jesus and Mary daily as the King and Queen of our homes. Father Mateo’s idea was that by entering a picture or a statue of the Sacred Heart into homes, each household member would be permeated with the love of Christ and would show it by a truly Christian family life. Extending his message further, Father Mateo asked families to commit to be nighttime honor guards for Jesus, King of their homes. Beginning in 1907, he traveled all over the world for forty years, imploring families not to welcome Jesus into their homes, put him in a place of honor and keep him company.

Father Mateo Crawley-Boevey, the great Apostle of the Sacred Heart passed away in 1960. His work continues through the promotion of the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  To learn more, go to: http://www.sacredheartapostolate.com/

Copyright 2013 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Rock the World!

Do you want to rock the world?  Like St. Francis who moved spiritual mountains and Mother Teresa who moved heaven and earth to serve the poor, we can change the world. We would not be here if God did not plan for just that. He put us here to make a difference in every walk of life.

God has a plan for each of us that will reverberate throughout the world and down the generations; a mother who fills her home with love that overflows into the world, a father whose strong example passes down through generations, or someone like Joan of Arc who led soldiers.

The best possible way to make a difference is to say one little sentence:  “Lord, use me according to your will.”  Consider that each of us has a maximum potential for serving God in our lives.  We can ask him to help open our hearts to receive the graces to reach our potential.

Let God

I have been inspired this week, by the story of two different kids who ended up homeless due to negligent parents. These determined kids; David Boone from Ohio and Dawn Loggins from North Carolina became homeless. We are wowed by their determination to overcome huge obstacles to get into Harvard.  As I read the stories, however, I was not just impressed by the students’ success, but by the people who took them in.  In David’s case, a teacher, and also a friend, often gave him a place to sleep in between park benches and the ballpark. Dawn was taken in by her school’s janitor where she also worked cleaning before and after school to earn money.  How many of us would have taken in a homeless teen?  If we knew they’d end up on the news for getting into Harvard, would we be more willing to take them in?  There’s only one good reason to take someone in: out of love for God and our fellow man.

When my husband and I took in a boy from Kenya, it was a risk. Two years later, his younger brother joined us—our tenth child. There were no guarantees but in the end, these two boys immensely blessed us; one is now in medical school and the other has a college running scholarship. Both are wonderful sons.  But they came without guarantees. However, I believe God brought them to us because we volunteered for such a task. We were no longer doing foster care or considering adoption, but I told God to let us know if there were children he wanted us to take in.  A missionary friend asked us to take in the boys. Surely God took md up on the offer. In the end, our family was humbled by the extent that we received far more than we gave.

There is no shortage of human endeavors that inspire and amaze us. Sometimes it the small and meek whose littleness create enormous waves of good will or accomplishments. There are the hidden such as St. Theresa of Lisieux, a cloistered nun who became one of the most well known saints of modern times, St. Margaret Mary who received the Sacred Heart Devotion, and St. Faustina who spread the Divine Mercy messages. There are many prayer warriors who we will never hear about who are making miracles possible. It’s all about letting go and letting God throughout the day and throughout our lives.

Get Fired Up!

How many of us actually put our lives in God’s hands and tell him, “Lead me on, Lord!”   Getting fired up to change the world is of no value if we do not first ask for the fire of the Holy Spirit to ignite our hearts and lead us down the path God sets for us. Otherwise, human enthusiasm is in constant danger of misinterpretation when it stands alone.  For whether we save starving children, negotiate a peace plan between two countries, or take our children to a fun day at the park is for God to decide.

In Mother Angelica’s book Mother Angelica’s Answers, Not Promises she relates a time when she ended up on the wrong plane and landed in California rather than her intended destination in New York. “There was nothing wrong with the plane, it was a perfectly good plane,” she recounted, “but it wasn’t my plane.”  Likewise, there is perfectly good volunteer work to be done but is it what God wants us to do?  That is for him to decide and for us to ask.

Even a bedridden person can make a difference in the world given the power of their prayers, offering up suffering, and showing love and appreciation to those around him. God has a plan for us all, so get fired up and “Go Make a Difference!”

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Support an Evangelist, Shop Catholic

When Pope John Paul encouraged us to become part of the “New Evangelization” Catholic bookstore owners were ready.  They had already been evangelizing.  After all, no one gets into such a business for the money. They do it for treasures not of this world.

“I need an ordination card,” a female customer told Phyllis Nentwich, owner of Generations Religious Gifts and Church Supply in Columbus, Ohio. “It’s for my friend. Her son is going to be a priest in four years.”  It seemed a bit early for such a card, but then the lady continued. “My friend is dying, so she won’t be there on his ordination day.”

Phyllis took her over to the card section. “Together, we read ordination cards and shed a tear or two imagining the moment that the newly ordained priest read the card from his Mother four years after her death.”

The very next customer was a young woman. “Can I have a holy card custom made for a funeral?” she asked.

“Of course,” Phyllis replied, sensing the loss was personal.

“I gave birth four days ago to twins,” the women said quietly. “They did not live.”

“Oh, I am sorry,” Phyllis said gently.  She helped the mother select holy card pictures and then turned to the Mother’s Manual, to comfort her; finding a selection of prayers for mothers with children in heaven. The grieving mother then selected three guardian angel coins; one for each of her living children as a remembrance of the angel sisters they now have in heaven.”

According to Phyllis, those were not sales that will keep their doors open but they were sales that demonstrated that Catholic books stores are not just about business. “I do not want to be remembered because I sold a book or a bracelet or a candle, I want to be remembered because I made a difference in someone’s life in just a small way,” she said.

Phyllis and her husband Larry—a pediatric nurse and a man who sold church candles—became marriage partners and business partners. He runs a tight ship and she is ever the nurse, teaching and comforting souls who walk through their doors.

Not Dead Yet

In this world of online purchases and mega stores, the independent books stores seem threatened for extinction. Indeed, The death toll is rising. During the last two decades, independent bookstores have dwindled from 4,000 to about 1,900 in the United States. And even the biggest chain stores that once cozied up to the small independent stores, cutting off their customer support, have felt the pinch of online buying.  Although, “pinch” is too mild a term for B. Dalton Books and Crown Books that went out of business years ago while Border Books gasped mightily until closing the doors of their last remaining stores on Sunday, September 18, 2011.

Now, only Barnes and Noble, remains alone in the big chain stores. But they too are fighting to survive in the online age with Amazon as enemy number one, offering discounts and easy shopping. The introduction of Kindle and e-books has brought yet another challenge to B & N and independent stores alike, where stocking inventory is more expensive and labor intensive than sending a book through the internet.

If one only looked at the numbers and buying trends, it would seem Catholic stores are doomed. But if variables such as faith, prayer, and ministry are added in, then they have the tools to overcome. Catholic bookstore owners possess characteristics superior to digital service and share a common trait:  a deep love for their faith. Selling books and gifts is secondary to loving God, their faith and their fellow man. You cannot get that online.

The Catholic bookstores provide a dramatic alternative. For instance, this past summer, Amazon founder and CEO, Jeff Bezos, donated $2.5 million to support same-sex marriage in Washington State. And Amazon carries most anything that will sell with no regard for Christian morals.  The inventory and owner  of a Catholic store are less likely to undermine Catholic teaching. The bonus is doing business with someone who cares about our faith and about you.

Personal Encounters

Laura Smith, co-owner with Terri O’Connell of Abundant Graces bookstore in Bethlehem, PA, recalled a customer who entered her store several years ago.  She was frail, in her late fifties and on oxygen.  Her daughter, in her early thirties seemed to be overly helpful to the point of agitating the older woman. “I stepped in to help and told the daughter to look around, that I would look after her mom for her,” said Laura.  She brought a chair for the lady then brought items to her.  “When her daughter was out of ear range, Mom whispered…I have cancer, my daughter doesn’t want me to know how bad I am.  I am here to buy a special gift for her for all she is doing for me, and something for her two brothers.”

The lady picked out two beautiful rosaries for her sons and a few items for her daughter. Every time her daughter came near, the lady hid the gifts, and shooed her away.  “We laughed, we cried, and she struggled to breath so we prayed,” Laura recalled. “When they left, I was reassured I was working in the right place, I was thankful that God brought my business partner and I together and that we were able to open His store.”

A month later came a note, “Thank you to your staff person that took the time to make my mom so comfortable in her final days of life. Her trip to your store was the last time she was able to get out of the house….I saw and heard my mom as she was in the past, joking around, laughing, and telling me what to do, thank you for the gift you gave both her and me.”

Ann Strozzo and Ann Marie Rowe have written a book From Hysterical to Holy about their fifteen years operating The Catholic Shoppe (sold and now St. Anthony’s bookstore in Spartan, SC.)  A favorite story of theirs was when an older gentleman came halfway through the door. “Psss!” he said and motioned for someone to come over. “Could you help me? I’m a Baptist and my favorite song is the Ave Maria. Can you tell me what it means?”

“Now this is scriptural,” Ann Rowe began. “Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of they womb Jesus.” And he started to cry.

She handed him a holy card with a picture of the Blessed Mother on it. “Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen,” she finished. He put the card in his wallet and said, “I’ll carry this with me until I die. Thank you.”  They never saw him again but trusted he was lovingly in the arms of the Blessed Mother.

Networking and Support

For many years, Catholic bookstore owners had to go it alone.  Alan Napleton, founder of the Catholic Marketing Network , changed that. He left the corporate world over twenty years ago with the desire to serve the Church. While running a small video production company that distributed to bookstores, he was surprised at how unconnected the Catholic marketplace was.  He founded the Catholic Marketing Network as a way to support both stores and suppliers by bringing them together and offering support including an annual trade show. The shows have been hosted all over the country and are part networking and part retreat with Mass and talks by priests and Catholic speakers.  

“Catholic Bookstores are real outposts of evangelization and provide an invaluable service for the Church,” said Napleton.  “These operators are primarily mission driven and spend countless hours helping their customers  individual needs with little if any financial compensation.” He lamented that most are struggling financially and encouraged Catholics to support them.

Although buying with the click of the mouse is easy, supporting a Catholic evangelist is better. With the holidays coming, shopping at a Catholic books store would be a gift to the owner and to you—a far richer experience than the alternatives.

“From Hysterical to Holy” can be also be ordered P.O. Box 37, Columbus, N.C. 28722, for $10, plus $3  for shipping.

Ten Reasons to Celebrate Post Election

1. Pope Benedict XVI’s Congratulation to President Obama

In his message, the Holy Father offered best wishes to the President, and promised continued prayers on his behalf. The Pope assured the re-elected President that he will ask God to help him in his high responsibility to the country and the international community. The Pope also said he will pray that the ideals of freedom and justice, which guided the founders of the United States of America, might continue to shine through the nation as it makes its way in history.

2. Our Bishops are United

Since Catholics largely do not submit to the Catholic teaching regarding contraception, the Obama administration likely translated the weakening practices with a weakening Church. Our bishops, proved otherwise. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) is unanimously against the HHS mandate, which tramples religious liberty. In a news release last summer, the bishops asserted: “To be Catholic and American should mean not having to choose one over the other…We have been staunch defenders of religious liberty in the past. We have a solemn duty to discharge that duty today.”

This is very unlike the way it was during the English reformation. When King Henry VIII declared himself head of the church in England and succeeded from the Catholic Church due to Pope Clement VII’s refusal to grant him an annulment, all but one bishop followed.  St. John Fisher refused publically to condone King Henry’s actions.  He and the king’s Lord Chancellor, St. Thomas Moore refused to compromise their conscience and were martyred in 1535 by beheading.

St. Thomas Moore and St. John Fischer, pray for our bishops to lead us in strength and holiness!

3. We Still Have Freedom to Worship

The United States is not ruled by a regime that obstructs our worship or closes churches. Such examples are many but one recently popularized in the movie, For Greater Glory, was Mexico’s Cristero War (1926–29), a civil war fought over religious freedom. The Mexican government under the masonic, atheist ruler, Plutarco Elias Calles, suppressed the faith by enforcing anti-Catholic provisions of the constitution. Worship was severely restricted, bishops were exiled and many priests murdered. This sparked a mass popular uprising and counter-revolution.

We cannot take our religious freedom for granted and must be willing defend it with the same passion as the Catholic Mexicans did. “¡Viva Cristo Rey!”—Long Live Christ the King!

4. Free Speech is Still a Right

Those who attack Catholic values are often aggressive.  It’s up to us to pray and then diplomatically inform others on the non-negotiable issues of life from conception to natural death, marriage between one man and one woman, and religious freedom.  Although it often feels overwhelming and thankless, consider that some of the most influential Catholic converts once rejected Catholic teaching. The seeds of truth were planted through the words of others.

If we shy away from doing so, is it out of love of others or love of self, fearing rejection or anger. “For whoever is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:38). 

5. There is an Arsenal of Catholic Sources

The Catholic Church is at the forefront of the movement to protect life from conception to natural death so it’s easy to access information that is scientific, logical and religious. Fighting the HHS mandate is a Catholic cause with 27 lawsuits by organizations against the government. The website, Stop HHS Mandate is a good source for the latest news and information.

Same-sex marriage advocates like to paint Catholic values as hateful and homophobic.  It’s an area many shy away from discussing since it’s a more complicated argument. The value of marriage has been minimized in our culture due to no-fault divorce and the acceptance of sex outside of marriage but like all non-negotiables, the teaching is consistent and Catholic resources are abundant. One good source for logical and scientific reasons not to redefine marriage can be found in the article Same-Sex Marriage: Not in Kids Interest by George A. Rekers

6. There are No Lions’ Dens

Courage is essential to be a Christian in this world, but it’s nothing compared to the early Christians who went to the lions’ den.  And any time we speak out and go against the culture, we do so out of love of Jesus.  “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me” (Matt 5:11).

One of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Matthews, in her book Precious Treasures related a stressful situation as being in the “monkey cage”. She recalled her childhood commitment to go to the lion’s den if necessary and realized that living for Christ is so much easier than being ripped apart by lions. So, if we are willing to die for our faith, we must be willing to live for it.  Just consider that we are in the monkey cage, which is far preferable than the lion’s den.

7.  We are Not Alone

We are the Church Militant, those still on earth fighting the good fight. We have each other and Catholic TV and radio for support.  Also, the Church Triumphant, our brothers and sisters in heaven, are interceding for us. Many of them were martyred for their courageous practice of the faith.

St. Michael continues to fight for God, defending the Church and goes before us in this spiritual battle.  Our Blessed Mother is the woman who will crush the head of Satan and she is our mother, interceding for us to her beloved son Jesus Christ. We have nothing to fear when fighting for righteousness in such company. Instead let us fear and pray for those who risk the eternal fires for fighting against the teachings of God.

8. Our Weapons are Lethal (to evil) and Limitless

The Mass is a refuge and strength as is Eucharistic adoration, prayer and fasting.  St. Padre Pio called the rosary “the weapon”.

9. The New Media

As Catholics, we have the full truth.  Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI have encouraged us to spread this truth through all avenues including social media as part of the“ New Evangelization”.  Yes, we are often speaking to the choir; for instance, our Facebook friends share our disappointment over the election results. But we can also engage in conversation with those not in agreement with our values.

10. Jesus is Our King No Matter who is President

We can place ourselves under the sovereignty of the King of all nations.  An old devotion that is growing in popularity in this country is to enthrone the Sacred Heart of Jesus over our family. By physically enthroning Jesus in our homes, we put Him over us in a concrete as well as physical way. Through this devotion, we publicly proclaim our allegiance to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, placing our families, schools, churches, cities, etc., under His divine protection and guidance.

When we make a covenant with the Sacred Heart of Jesus to live under His Kingship, we need not fear for we have the protection of the King of all Nations.

For an information package on how to enthrone the Sacred Heart of Jesus go to www.sacredheartapostolate.com.

Prior to the election, I witnessed a Catholic fervor I have not seen before. I pray that this is just the beginning of the fervor that will ignite the fire of the Holy Spirit in our hearts for whatever lies ahead. 

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Self Marriage, The Ultimate in Self-Centeredness

“Until death do us part,” is becoming “Until death do I part,” as one more way to undermine the sacredness of marriage. In a traditional marriage, selfishness is the kiss of death, so, in a self-centered society, it seems to be the perfect solution for wedded bliss:  me, me me!

While hardly an actual trend, self-marriage is happening.  It was in the Netherlands that the first self-marriage made the news.  In 2003, Jennifer Hoes married herself.  In the Art and Perception blog, 2006 article,  Wedded to art: Jennifer Hoes, the woman who married herself Jennifer explained what kind of partner she is to herself. “My wedding ring says, ‘I will return to my heart every time.’ I read this every day. I think the values to an individual life are pretty much the same as in a marriage, it is about how you’ll behave, about taking responsibility, about being a loving person.” Jennifer recently celebrated her ninth wedding anniversary.

Last March, Nadine Schweigert, 36, from Fargo, North Dakota, read her marital vows in front of forty of her closest friends. “I, Nadine, promise to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self.”

Nadine appeared recently on Anderson Cooper’s talk show to explain why she married herself. After a traumatic divorce, she decided that instead of feeling sorry for herself when her husband left and her two children decided to go with him, that she would be satisfied with just herself.  She had a wedding ceremony complete with wedding presents

In November of 2010, Chen Wei-yih married the love of her life—herself. The The China Post reported that the thirty-year-old office worker, no longer considered herself single after the ceremony attended by thirty of her friends and family. Chen explained her reason for doing it was,  “I was just hoping that more people would love themselves.”  She even honeymooned with herself in Australia.

Confusion

Brad Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project, told Anderson during the show, that marriage is not a solo act but about bringing two different people together.  “I think, regrettably, Nadine’s a bit confused. She’s kind of the poster child for what’s wrong in our culture when it comes to marriage.”

Catholics would take it further and define marriage as specifically about bringing one man and one woman together.  The self-marriages are not marriages in the eyes of God, any more than same-sex unions can ever be.

Explanations for why people have married themselves are filled with nice sounding thoughts but two important ingredients are missing: God, and a person of the opposite sex. Ultimately, loving self is so that we can totally give of ourselves to God and others. Thus, we must also die to ourselves and empty ourselves so that we can fill our hearts with the love of God.   In a Catholic marriage, love is to be shared and we must be willing to put the other person before ourselves. A self-marriage is about serving self—no interference from others.

Intimate Partnership

Marriage is a sacred, life-long, conjugal covenant entered into between God and one man and one woman. The Administrative Committee of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, in their defense of marriage have stated, “Marriage is a faithful, exclusive and lifelong union between one man and one woman, joined as husband and wife.

The Catholic Catechism explains that this love opens the possibility to the couple that new souls will spring forth from their union. “By its very nature, the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory (1652).  While marriage does not always result in the procreation of children, “Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice (1654).

Strong marriages make for strong families and strong societies. It is a symptom of a weakened society that marriage is under attack.  Since the idea of same-sex marriages initially evoked a majority response of “No way!”  we can only hope and pray that this one does not catch on.

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Dying to Live

If it were up to me, death would be a door we walked through when the time was right rather than something that comes for us.

During deeply spiritual moments, we sing God’s praises and embrace eternity, but most days, death scares us. Since no one gets out of here alive, we might as well surrender our lives to God and begin living for eternity today. For once we die to ourselves, we can begin to truly live.

Live Fully by Dying

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”  Luke 9:23-24

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” Jn 12:24

There are many ways to die to ourselves; through prayer and fasting, putting others needs before our own, staying out of department stores, etc.  The last one is my way of not wanting so many things in this world. Put me in any department (except the tool aisle) and I’ll find a multitude of things I want; a multitude of earthly goods that I can’t take with me.

Most days, I don’t think of death but I do try to think daily of dying to myself and living in Christ. Scripture tells us as much. “If we died with him we shall also live with him.” 2 Tim 2:11

Walk with Jesus

I’ve also become a big devotee of accompanying Jesus on his death walk through praying the Stations of the Cross.  Not until the writing my book, Catholic Truths for Our Children: A Parents Guide did this prayer become important to me.  In the last chapter, I was putting in an assortment of Catholic prayers. It had been a long year of working on the book and I was very tired that afternoon. The baby was napping and I put 3-year-old Teresa in the room with me with a big pile of children’s books to keep her occupied.

I had typed in traditional Catholic prayers including the rosary and the Chaplet of Mercy.  When I considered the “Stations of the Cross”  my fatigue took over. That will be long and monotonous to put in and no one will miss it if it’s not in here, I thought.  At that exact moment, Teresa was at my side.  “Here, Mom,” she said. “You need this.”  I looked down to see The Children’s Stations of the Cross.

“What did you say?” I asked. I had heard clearly but was in awe at what had just happened.

“Here Mom, you need this,” she repeated. Teresa handed me the book and returned to her pile of books, leaving me to contemplate the magnitude of what had just happened. She had not said, “Here, Mom, read this to me,” but rather:  “…you need this.”

“Okay, God, they are in,” I prayed. I knew such a message at that exact moment, could only have come from him. Not only did I stop wondering if I was really supposed to be writing that book, but also I realized that the Stations of the Cross must be a very important prayer.

The Stations of the Cross is a popular Catholic reflection to follow Jesus Christ on his way to Calvary.  According to Fr. Victor Hoagland C.P. “It is one of the most important devotions honoring the passion of Jesus.”

He writes on the Passionist Website on Stations of the Cross:

“What matters most in the Stations of the Cross is to follow Jesus Christ in his passion and to see ourselves mirrored in him. To face life’s dark side in ourselves and in our world, we need images of hope, and Jesus offers images of hope in his passion.”

Jesus goes before us always, so walking with him to Calvary, I believe we will feel his presence walking with us in life and also as we enter into eternal life.  And with him at our side, we have nothing to fear and can best can on with living.

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong

A Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy

Everyone needs a pregnancy buddy. Husbands are wonderful. After all, they are proud papas. But that’s not what I’m talking about. What sort of man would want to hear the day-to-day drama that goes with navigating the physical, mental and spiritual journey of mothering a new life within?

Men are not made that way and really, would you want them to be?  “Tell me again, honey, what the baby is doing, how you feel about it and what your prayer life is like. And hey, lets’ buy fabric to make curtains and then get salads together.”  Uh, no thanks. Closeness is great but husbands are not girlfriends. There’s nothing like being pregnant at the same time as a girlfriend, because we are women and we think and talk differently than the men whom we love.

A Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy, Walking with Mary from Conception to Baptism, is a pregnant Catholic girlfriend written by Sarah A. Rienhard. Her book is everything you wanted in a pregnancy guide and more. I say “more” because she offers women a complete guide that even includes walking through pregnancy with Our Blessed Mother.

I had nine pregnancies, although one ended in a miscarriage, so I read Sarah’s book not with a been-there-done-that attitude, but more of a “now that’s a good idea.”  And that is what friendship is all about—support, love, and sharing new ideas.

Sarah shares her experiences and insights on a week-by-week progression. Chapters include scientific explanations, meditations on Mary, suggestions for growing in faith, and a prayer.   Two of my favorite parts of her book are right in the beginning. Sarah tells her readers, “I am praying for you and your baby.” Bravo! Just like giving birth to a baby, writing a book is only the beginning. After the labor, comes the real work in which we do best relying on God. To pray for her readers is a gift beyond mere advice.

My other favorite part are her statements in the introduction, “Everything he needs to be a complete human being is in place and growing within you….This is a journey with an end in sight and the prize is another human being.” Those two statements are simple to the point of duh! Yet, complex to the point of divinely profound. Pregnancy is both basic to human life while at the same time miraculous.

Reality and joy combine as Sarah gives permission to her pregnant reader to rant but then she tells her to eat some chocolate and then pray to the Blessed Mother and brew some tea. “Picture Mary across from you, smiling gently and know you’ve been blessed even if the road to it feels like a pile of rocks to climb.”

In the course of this book, Sarah and Mary walk along every step. For instance, during the first trimester, Sarah helps us meditate on Mary during her first trimester when she went to visit her cousin Elizabeth.  “In Mary’s embrace of Elizabeth, I find an example of serving when I least want to expend extra effort to others and of giving in the most generous way.”

When fear creeps into pregnancy with all the “what if’s”, Sarah shares that keeping busy and serving others is an effective antidote. Then, finding time to spend in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament offers peace. “I find that praying for others—there’s never a shortage of people who have bigger prayer request than I do—and giving some of my time to Jesus, to be the best balm.”

One of the biggest fears of pregnancy is labor. Sarah suggests going into labor with Mary. “Mary is with you through labor, feel your hand in hers.”

Again, she takes something basic, that women have been going through for thousands of years and puts it in divine perspective:  “The world will never be the same after your labor is over. Whatever the outcome, however unexpected parts of it may be, you are making an eternal impact on humanity.”  Where most pregnancy guides tell women to pack their hospital bags, Sarah includes going to confession and being open to the graces that will come with labor.   Once the baby is born, the handholding does not stop.  With a new baby and perhaps other little ones needing Mommy more than ever, Mommy needs support while adjusting to a new schedule usually with a sleep deficit.

Sarah encourages moms to sleep when they can and to prioritize by concentrating on the essentials.

In the end, life becomes routine again and the pregnancy guide tucked away perhaps to pull out again with the next pregnancy or to give to a friend. But through Sarah’s thoughts, prayers and meditations, I think women will find that as their baby was growing, so where they, in ways they never imagined. And so, life may be routine again, but it will never be the same.

Order A Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy, Walking with Mary from Conception to Baptism and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong

Who’s Got You?

If you do an Internet search for “Catholic Fatherhood” how much data would you find in comparison to Panda Bears, Applied Linear Algebra, and Welding Theory?  According to John Clark, author of Who’s Got You, Catholic Fatherhood comes in last.  The results respectively were 1,914, 1,706, and 284. Catholic Fatherhood netted 270 results.  Clark surmised that the results would lead one to think that fatherhood was irrelevant, at least in relation to welding linear algebra and pandas.

As the homeschooling father of nine and husband to Lisa, he begs to differ with such a woeful assumption. “The relationship between a father and his children is not merely a monetary affiliation. Raising children does not mean handing them a paycheck. It means preparing them not merely for this world, but for the next.” And such a task is incalculable.

So, Clark aims to lift the status of fatherhood with wisdom, wit and stories from the trenches. He takes the reader through the everyday life of homeschooling Dad intent on getting to heaven and taking his family with him.  Recognizing that the responsibilities of fatherhood are enough to make one tremble, Clark shares a secret more powerful than kryptonite for Superman: “God has me.” For in the end, that is enough because it is everything.

The Soul Trumps Academics

Clark begins by suggesting the three things that will bring us all closer to Jesus:  confession, adoration, and the rosary. He sells us on their power and then lays the spiritual cards on the table by asking what is at stake?  The answer is, the souls of our children.  Clark acknowledges that there is more than one path for schooling, but for his family, homeschooling is the way. He points out that regardless of the choice for schooling, it is our children’s grades are not of greatest concern.  Thus, he gives points to ponder for anyone with the desire and inspiration to homeschool but lacking the courage.

“For the record, I have never heard a tear-jerking story about a child behind in math class. A father doesn’t say things like:  ‘Mine is a tragic tale of woe…my son is a year behind in algebra.’ A mother doesn’t sob herself to sleep because her daughter didn’t finish her Phonics 5 homework. I have never heard a distressing story about a boy not making it to professional soccer.”  Instead, he shares that the painful stories are about one thing—children losing their Catholic faith.

Clark acknowledges that homeschooling does not ensure salvation but he explains that it does guarantee other things. For instance, rather than spending six hours a day away from home, it allows parents to be the primary influence in their children’s lives.   Although much of Clark’s book is relevant to anyone homeschooling, he speaks specifically to dads. A male perspective amid humor and foibles, leads to laughs along with inspiration.

Wit with Wisdom

Even though I’ve never been a dad, the book was entertaining enough that I read the whole thing. Otherwise, I would have missed gems such as Clark’s description of his inept swimming—like on a treadmill only underwater. Then there were scenes from his adjustment at college. Rather than start out with his superior writing skills thanks to being the son of Dr. Mary Kay Clark, founder and director of Seton Home Study School, he candidly shares aspects of his adjustment. One of the biggest adjustments for him was that there were other people in his classes.

“Even more distracting was the fact that there were pretty girls in class, and that clearly has its ups and downs  (after all, I am male.). Until that point, the best-looking kid in my ‘classroom’ was my brother Paul. Coming from a family that prides itself on academics to such a high degree, I’d like to say I delved right into the scholastic life, but in truth, I spent the first few classes trying to figure out whom I wanted to date.”

Whereas previously he could lift weights and clean his room while listening to Christ the King Lord of History on audiotape, now he had to sit still and take notes. Taking notes was so foreign to him that he was not sure how to do it. He promised himself right then that he would teach any future children how to take notes.  Admitting to being somewhat AD/HD, he had asked his composition and rhetoric teacher if he could leave class early. When she wanted to know why, his reason was that his attention span was nowhere near an hour and fifteen minutes. He did adjust to college life and his ability to write stellar research papers, led the way to a degree in political science and economics.

Between comical memories and inspiration, Clark provides practical advice on how to homeschool well:  perseverance.  He states that, “in homeschooling, as in life, the principal virtue isn’t organization—it’s perseverance.”  The dictionary definition reads:  “steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spirit of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.”  But then Clark provides a second definition of perseverance especially directed at homeschoolers:  “continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.”

Throughout the book, Clark breaks down fathering and homeschooling down to it’s ultimate value—to lead our children to Christ not by sheer brilliance but by love, desire and seeking to put God first in our families.   It is a book written by a Dad speaking to other Dads, but that does not mean women can’t read it too.  But given that there is so much more written about mothering, this book is a welcome addition to homeschool reading.  And personally, I think it’s way more entertaining than anything you might read on welding theory, applied linear algebra or even those adorable panda bears.

Copyright 2012 Patti Maguire Armstrong