One time, I was asked to come to a pizza social after Mass and to talk to them on a subject of my choosing. Here were my opening words (questions really):

Can you name a woman who:

-is being considered for sainthood by the Catholic Church?

-was married, divorced and married a second time?

-was married to a man who was married twice before?

-in her second marriage was married to a Catholic priest?

How about you, dear reader? Any guesses? Well the answer is Catherine Doherty, the co-founder of Madonna House in Combermere, Canada. While I realize this is a Catholic Mom site, I thought all readers might like to hear about Catherine’s husband, Eddie Doherty.

Edward J. “Eddie” Doherty (October 30, 1890–May 4, 1975) was a famed reporter, best selling author, an Oscar nominated screenwriter and much later, a co-founder of Madonna House. In his last years at Madonna House, he was ordained a priest in the Melkite Greek Catholic Church.

In his earliest years, Eddie dreamed of becoming a priest and tried it for two years. He left the seminary and married a childhood sweetheart, Marie Ryan. Starting as a newspaper copy boy and later becoming a police beat reporter, Eddie covered stories in the days of Al Capone and other gangsters. Eddie slowly built a reputation as a reporter and columnist.

Eighteen months after his marriage to Marie, she died in a flu epidemic of 1918 leaving Eddie with a son. Eddie became despondent and decided to turn his back on the Catholic faith. After a period of time, Eddie impregnated a co-worker and they were forced to get married.

Eddie’s reputation as a reporter soared, and he was called “the Highest Paid Reporter” in America. Tragedy struck again when his second wife, Mildred died. Eddie returned to Catholicism to help him in his grief.

In 1940, Eddie met a Russian born, later a naturalized citizen named Catherine de Hueck at her Harlem area Friendship House. They met while Eddie was writing a piece on Harlem. The two became friends and it later turned romantic. They wed in 1943.

The staff at Friendship house were pledged to live in celibacy and some didn’t take well to the marriage between Eddie and Catherine. There was a lot going on between Friendship House and the Catholic Church. Enough friction and problems were ‘boiling’ and eventually the Doherty’s moved to Combermere, Canada where they started the Madonna House Apostolate inside a small farm house.

It is interesting that the staff at Madonna House also took promises of poverty, chastity and obedience. And the same cohabitation issue that happened in Harlem surfaced in Combermere. The couple eventually came to the decision to live as brother and sister in separate facilities. Among other activities including prodigious writing by Catherine and books by Eddie, they started a newspaper called RESTORATION and it is still in circulation.

In 1969, Eddie was granted a transfer from the Latin Catholic Church to the Byzantine Melkite Catholic Church. They allow married priests, and so at the age of seventy-eight, Eddied was ordained a priest – satisfying his childhood heart’s desire. Eddie died in 1975, and I have visited his burial plot in a simple cemetery near Madonna House headquarters. He is buried near his wife Catherine. His grave is marked with a simple white wooden cross with a legend that I aspire to put on my own life from recent years of ministry: “All my words for the WORD.”

MAKE ME YOUR STONE

Words From Eddie Doherty

“ I am a stone in your hand, O Lord. Drop me not into the dirty street, nor hurl me into the abyss. Keep me close ‘till you have need of me.

Roll me down the mountainsides of the world as a warning, so sinners may beware the avalanche of your anger, and may flee to the shelter of your forgiveness. Skim me over the waters, shallow and deep, to your heart’s content so that all the ponds and pools and rivers and seas may become aware of you. Tap me against the millions of mystic windowpanes, so sleepyheads may be awakened to your love. Use me as a weapon against the wolves that eye your flocks.

I know not what sort of stone I am, granite or quartz or flint or common sandstone, nor whether I am round and flat or sharp and jagged. I know only that you, who make all stones, and have pressed rich veins of ore into some, and shining crystals into others, will harden me to your purposes and shape me to your ends. It is good to lie waiting, in your hands.”

(The late journalist) Eddie Doherty from his book “I COVER GOD.”

Copyright 2o12 Deacon Tom Fox

Hello dear watchers and waiters. I’m referring to those of us awaiting a new descent of the Holy Spirit. A new Pentecost is… is on its way, God willing. More on that shortly.

I often write of and preach about the organization called Madonna House. Excuse if you’ve read about this or know this from me or elsewhere. Madonna House is a mostly lay organization, headquartered in Canada, and with field houses in many countries, including the United States. Their mandate is to serve the people of God in whatever way God wills, as expressed by the bishop where they are located.

In Winslow, Arizona – some ninety miles from where I live, there is a Madonna House location. It’s known as La Casa – the House of Our Lady. There are six staff members living there and the bishop (His Excellency James S. Wall from Gallup) has asked them at this location to assist in teaching, faith community formation and in being Christ to the rather poor and drug-wearied area. Winslow was once a bustling town along Historic Highway 66 — no longer so as it was bypassed by the interstate system.

The ‘madonnas’ (as they are known) are involved in a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd faith teaching program based on the Montessori method of education.

They are involved in high school youth programs and in home visitations. They feed anyone who knocks at their door seeking food or drink. Madonnas are at virtually every funeral and wedding, and they live in the toughest of area in Winslow. But they’ve never had any damage, any threat or any problem. They are loved by the community. They are the face of God’s love amidst poverty, high cancer rates, a bulging state prison and addiction. I’ve been told that Winslow is the crossroads for meth distribution in the southwest.

The monthly newsletter from Madonna House (out of the Canada headquarters) is called RESTORATION. It is taken from the Biblical image of ‘restoring all things to Christ.’ And while I’ve only been to a few Madonna House locations, it would seem they are living out the mandate of restoration.

The late priest, author and speaker Henri J. M. Nouwen once said something related to this notion of being a small part of something much larger: “A mosaic consists of thousands of little stones. Some are blue, some are green, some are yellow, some are gold. When we bring our faces close to the mosaic, we can admire the beauty of each stone. But as we step back from it, we can see that all these little stones reveal to us a beautiful picture, telling a story none of these stones can tell by itself.

That is what our life in community is about. Each of us is like a little stone, but together we reveal the face of God to the world.”

Nobody can say: “I make God visible.” But others who see us together can say: “They make God visible.” Community is where humility and glory touch.

To prepare for the 2012 Pentecost in our lives – would you join me in a ‘novena’ of prayers asking God’s guidance for the next phase of our lives? A novena is normally based on the number nine… nine days or weeks or whatever. But let us use the time between now and Pentecost to seek ways of becoming a new stone in a new mosaic of the face of God here on earth.

Let us not worry about or compare our ‘puny’ activities or results to the great accomplishments of, say a Mother Teresa. Our goal ought to be whatever color and size stone God wants us to be in the mosaic of Christian life here and now.

In some small way, let us be a part of RESTORATION of all things in Christ.

Copyright 2012 Deacon Tom Fox

We have no trouble getting 75 people to come to our parish hall for Friday evening Lenten soup supper. But we have eighteen who show up for a ‘Call to Holiness’ speaker event night. We may serve 75 people with pancakes when the Knights do a Sunday morning breakfast. We have far less than half that number show up for a pro-life demonstration on our main thoroughfare in town.

Archbishop Charles Chaput last year said these words, “Believers can’t be silent in public life and be faithful to Jesus Christ at the same time. Actively witnessing to our convictions and advancing what we believe about key moral issues in public life is not “coercion.” It’s honesty. It’s an act of truth-telling. It’s vital to the health of every democracy. And again, it’s also a duty–not only of our religious faith, but also of our citizenship.”

The sometimes dismal participation I’ve suggested above isn’t unique to my current parish at all. Relativism, the child-abuse scandal, contraception, divorce and cafeteria choice mentality has brought a lot of ‘ticket punchers’ into the pews of U. S. churches. The Catholic Church has suffered at least two generations of people who have had weak formation, weak preaching, weak participation and let’s all get along niceness — a sort of Mr. Rogers neighborhood form of Catholicism.

The late priest and author Henri J. M. Nouwen says that ‘the Church, as the body of Christ has the larger task than supporting and nurturing its own members.’ And so, it’s nice that we serve each other in a demonstration of Lenten soup community building. But that isn’t evangelization. Feeding only our own members, most of whom are well-enough off to feed themselves isn’t a fitting response to THE GREAT COMMISSION. Jesus prayed for his followers, “As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world”  (John 17:18).  Part of the essence of being the Church is being a living witness for Christ in the world.

As I said in a recent column on the Catholic Family Podcast home website, this Catholic Faith is only LENT to us — and I propose a ‘come to meeting with your Lenten conscience’ before Easter. Are you practicing faith which is made up of serving only those inside the parish buildings. If so — I pray that you will visit with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. Ask Jesus to send His Spirit of Wisdom to shape your heart for the Easter and Pentecost Faith that God would have you set out on.

When Pentecost happened to the Apostles, they immediately took the message outside. Out of the Upper Room… to the streets. And 3,000 joined in the first days.

There are more people outside of the Church than ever inside of it. Many haven’t been baptized. Many don’t know that you are on fire for your faith.

Are you on fire? If not — there’s another thing to pray about between now and Pentecost. Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful. Enkindle in them the Fire of Your love. Send forth Your Spirit and we shall renew the face of the earth.”

Copyright 2012 Deacon Tom Fox

Let me share some background about Catherine before moving into my topic for this reflection. Catherine was born into well-to-do Russian circumstances, and she and her family had to flee Russia during the Revolution. She became a Catholic ‘activist’ in Canada, then Harlem, and then again in Canada. Catherine had a raging love of the Catholic Church, and sadly, for a while she was vilified by it.

Catherine is the foundress of a wonderful organization called Madonna House. She knew and associated with many influentials of her time: Dorothy Day, Thomas Merton, G. K. Chesterton and others. And yet, Catherine was not after notoriety or recognition — she was often a workhorse in her Combermere, Canada headquarters, sometimes dictating to two secretaries on separate tasks at the same time. Books about her life and her work can be ordered from Madonna House publications. ( http://www.madonnahouse.org/publications/ ) Catherine is now being considered by the Church for sainthood.

That’s a thumbnail, but let me share a few points that will, I hope intrigue you to want to find out more about Catherine, and to read any of her works during Lent.

Catherine opened what were called Friendship Houses — places for poor people, lonely people, hungry people to come in and get warm in winter, and nourished in any season. Catherine was (I believe) a holy mystic who slipped in impatience or frustration using the words which fit with the letters B. S. (Insert smiley face in your mind.) She was married twice and her second husband became a priest. Catherine wrote a lot, and it would be so easy to distract myself by beginning to talk about her various works, or about her public speaking.

One of her books is a spiritual classic called Poustinia – a Russian word meaning ‘desert.’ I would so much hope that you’d be willing to obtain a copy of Poustinia during Lent. I will venture a ‘spoiler’ and share that the book is about the necessity of silence (and retreat from the world) in our lives. Don’t let this topic turn you off because of how busy and perhaps out of control your life seems to be. Catherine wrote the book for us in the western world. The book is such a worthy read.

Catherine’s words from Poustinia include these:

Deserts, silence, solitudes are not necessarily places but states of mind and heart. These deserts can be found in the midst of the city, and in the every day of our lives. We need only to look for them and realize our tremendous need for them. They will be small solitudes, little deserts, tiny pools of silence, but the experiences they will bring, if we are disposed to enter them, may be as exultant and as holy as all the deserts of the world, even the one God himself entered. for it is God who makes solitude, deserts, and silences holy.

And so the book creates an appetizing appeal — like a beautiful fruit salad for ways to be in silent communion with the bridegroom of our soul.

Catherine is far from a lonely voice crying out against our super-connected, always doing, catch-you-later society. In her book Where There Is Love, There is God (Doubleday), Mother Teresa wrote these words:

“The fruit of silence is prayer;  the fruit of prayer is faith;
the fruit of faith is love;  the fruit of love is service,
the fruit of service is peace.”

Now I respect that you may have your hands full. I respect that ideas concerning silence and retreat and a crackling warm fireplace with no one around may be as far off as being able to enjoy a sweet summer fruit salad right now. But Catherine leads the reader on a journey that helps you to desire and to then to accomplish that which seems impossible at this time.

It’s funny to me. I didn’t start this column to be an invitation to read a book. I really thought that I would write and explore some moments of intimate union with the Holy One that have happened for me when I succumbed to silence. And there have been some beautiful experiences for me.

But Rocky Mountain highs, or uncontrollable chaos in the valley, I don’t believe that the practice of silence should be ‘rated’ or graded. What Catherine lays out is the necessity for us to enter Poustinia, to convert our hearts to Poustinia wherever we are. Whatever we are doing or involved in.

As Debbie Woodbury, a cancer survivor wrote about — let us not let silence pass into legend. Let us enjoy the nourishment of a refreshing Lenten salad, in Poustinia.

Copyright 2012 Deacon Tom Fox

Have you ever experienced this problem? It’s a dryness that winter seems to gift me with. It started when we lived in Colorado (up at 7,500 ft. elevation), and it’s happening in north central Arizona (at 5,000 ft.). The area of pain is small but acute and I guess I must be a wimp. The cracked, sore skin distracts me at times. Imagine being distracted as I type on the keyboard of my computer, or when I go to wash off a dish or something at the kitchen sink. Imagine not wanting to wash something for the sake of a bit of pain or adding to the damage to the cracked area.

And yet, there are things I can do. I can just put up with it, quietly. I can put on rubber gloves and go ahead and wash the dishes, or clean the toilet or whatever else I might try to avoid when not wearing the gloves.

This aridity reminds me of the faith journey that we all experience. I have times of seeming good progress in my faith journey. Perhaps coincidental, this seems to be more often in summer than in winter. And then there are times when I experience faith-aridity. During these weeks, I don’t feel that enthusiastic about some of my regular prayer practices. Adoration can be rote. I try to fast once a week, and a lot of times I don’t look forward to it.

The great mystic, St. Padre Pio once said, “Winter is necessary for us to practice self-denial and the thousand and one small beautiful virtues that one must practice in times of sterility.”

And so, I think this means that we are to continue the journey whether we are pleased and joyous or dry and brittle. And yet — there are small things we can do. Therese of Lisieux is one of my favorite ‘simple’ saints. She gave us her famous ‘Little Way.’

She said:

“In times of aridity when I am incapable of praying, of practicing virtue, I seek little opportunities, mere trifles, to give pleasure to Jesus; for instance a smile, a pleasant word when inclined to be silent and to show weariness. If I find no opportunities, I at least tell Him again and again that I love Him; that is not difficult and it keeps alive the fire in my heart. Even though this fire of love might seem extinct I would still throw little straws upon the embers and I am certain it would rekindle.”

Isn’t that beautiful? Little things done even when we don’t feel like it are like straws upon the embers of our faith walk. The Little Way is filled with such images. I can smile at someone that I may not feel inclined to acknowledge. I can reach out to someone who doesn’t seem that attractive a personality. Like Therese, I can pick up a pin that fell to the floor and which most people would just ignore. We can pick up the pin (or the socks or pajama bottom) that someone else let behind — and we can put the item where it should be. And then rather than calling attention to it – just smile and say, “That was for you, Jesus.”

For over ten years, I’ve tried to emulate an Irish priest from Ocala, Florida. His name is Fr. Patrick J. O’Doherty. He taught me (and countless others) about The Little Flower and about the use of Sacrifice Beads. His team at Queen of Peace parish have made something like 100,000 of these Sacrifice Beads. Imagine the countless little sacrifices they’ve inspired all over the world.

And now, for over a decade, I’ve been in the habit of giving these beads away as well. I send along a little instruction sheet which tells about Therese of Lisieux and her Little Way. I share that these beads helped bring about change in my life. They’ve probably helped bring about change in hundreds and hundreds of other lives. And yet, they are such small things. Ten beads with a Crucifix at one end and a medal of some saint at the other. Ten beads that people carry on their person to remind themselves to practice little things. It’s such a Little Way to make changes — and to get past the dryness we all experience.

If you’d like a set of Sacrifice Beads, please send me your mailing information. I’d love to help you to bring about small change in your life. Even during the winter days of your discontent.

Blessings.

Deacon Tom

catholicvitamins@gmail.com

Copyright 2012 Deacon Tom Fox

Copyright 2012 Deacon Tom Fox

One caring moment? After four years of studies and formation, I remember when, at my ordination liturgy and Mass, the head of formation verbally ‘testified’ to our worthiness to be ordained (on behalf of his position representing the Church). We were then asked by Archbishop Charles Chaput to stand up, to turn around and face the 800 or so assembled family members and guests. Thunderous applause broke out. My family was near enough for me to see them. I believe that an adult son had tears streaming down his cheeks — this from a non-practicing young man who cared enough to be present at this special time in my life.

A tender moment? I vividly recall a time that I was delivering the weekend homilies at our parish back in Estes Park, Colorado. The church is a gorgeous, small-mountain town type place of worship. There’s an intimacy for those in the front sections; they were able to see my expressions and emotions, and I could see their’s.

The weekend that comes to mind was when I was preaching about emotional wounds that many of us carry — some carrying them like heavy baggage all through our lives. I spoke about having in my own life a father wound. I shared at this Sunday Mass about having a father who seemed disappointed in me. He was never that happy around me, and was mostly remote. In my processing of and reaction to this, I was smart-mouthed, sometimes insulting and unloving. In that Colorado homily, I shared about how sorry I was that I had never healed the relationship with my dad (or mom) while they were alive. And now they were deceased.

But what I did share was that I eventually went to the cemetery in Windsor, Canada where they are buried. It was a warm, sunny summer day. I went to their gravesite and I knelt down. I prayed for their forgiveness and I told them how sorry I was for my sinful behavior of earlier years. I told them I would pray for them. I asked for reconciliation and then I walked over to the car that I had driven there. I opened the doors and invited my parents to get into the car and to take a ride to a family reunion that I was attending. It was a family reunion for my late mom’s family. And since that time, I’ve become a daily Mass goer, and have prayed for them hundreds and hundreds of times. It is a part of my inner healing from wounds that I carried for years.

How well I remember delivering this homily in Colorado and seeing a man about my age sitting there with tears streaming…. streaming down his cheeks. I don’t know whether I was ‘opening’ a painful wound that he carried, or whether he was being ‘called’ to start a similar reconciliation in his own life. I’ll never know.

But I am convinced that many of us carry the baggage of painful wounds in our lives. Each of us come from differing circumstances. We may struggle with self-hatred, resentments, undue concern about sins we’ve committed and confessed, anger, guilt — our wounds are as many and as ‘mixed’ as the variations on the theme of the brokenness of original sin.

The wounds that we carry, like mine can originate from events of a generation or more ago. And yet they damage true happiness at times such as Christmas or New Years. I read once about the example of trying to push a basketball down deep into the water at a pool. The further we push down, the more the ball struggles to free itself from our grasp. That image comes from the struggle so many of us have to repress our wounds.

And so — if it sounds like a too-unhappy a topic to be bringing up at the season of the newborn Christ-child, remember that He said ‘Remain in Me and I remain in you. And ‘come to Me, all of you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.’

And so my prayer for any who might see this is a prayerful wish for healing one or more of the demons you carry with you in the form of wounds. This in turn can become a great gift to those around us: they are blessed by the healing of our inner wounds.

And so we pray:

“Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You and ask You to be present from the moment of my conception to this very moment, filling me with your infinite love and mercy; filling me with every grace and blessing: gifts to heal every hurt that I carry. Hurts known; wounds unknown.

Provide me with the fatherly or motherly love that I may not have had according to your plan. Provide me with forgiveness for parents or siblings or others who have hurt me in my walk in life.

As I journey through each new day in the New Year, I ask you to cleanse, heal and refresh me. Refresh and renew my life that I may be the gift to others that may have been missing in my earlier years. Help me to love and appreciate the gift of acceptance that I know you will give to me. Hold me close to you. Heal my wounds. Amen.”

I pray for you a holy and blessed Christmas, and a healing and happy New Year.

Deacon Tom
www.catholicvitamins.com

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

While I worked hard and with much love to prepare couples, I’m not naive; troubles often come early in a marriage. I recall doing homilies at all the Masses at the parish one weekend. I preached on God’s plan for man and woman and about the gift of self to each other. One couple came up to me as I greeted people outside. It turns out there were visitors and were honeymooning in Colorado. They had been married elsewhere one week and a day by the time they talked to me. I broke into a big smile but they weren’t smiling.

“How can I help you?” I asked, my face turning ministerial. They said they had done nothing but argue since the time they left on their honeymoon. They were beginning to wonder if they had made a mistake. The opening 200 hours of their new life were a horrible disappointment. I did the best I could in short moments in between Masses. After counseling a bit, I asked if I could have them join their hands and let me put my hands on their shoulders and I prayed for them and gave them a blessing. I’ll not forget them and their pain where great joy and peace should be. What did they go through for preparation? How mature were they? Did the prayer and blessing help?

Fade to years later: Today, I was taking Holy Communion to people in a couple nursing homes that I visit on Thursdays. As I drove from one location to another, I resumed praying a rosary I had started earlier. I was on the Second Luminous Mystery, the Wedding at Cana. I thought about the gift of my wife, and about our marriage. I prayed for a blessing for us.

Interrupting my prayers again, I pulled up to and entered the second nursing home. In the ‘living room’ area of this pleasant home, there in the same as always seats were Gene and Alice. They are a couple I recognize because Alice had been a patient and resident at the other nursing home for perhaps a year. Gene was always with her. When I didn’t see either of them in the first nursing home, I suspected the worst — the outcome that so often happens in a place of late-aging. And so imagine my surprise when I started going to this second nursing home and found Gene sitting right next to his wife. She does sleep a lot but when she’s awake – she’s talkative. He dotes on her. He is with her virtually every day. I would guess they are in their mid 80’s. His love and constancy in attending to his wife… his desire to be with his all-of-life spouse is so beautiful.

Thank you, Lord for the gifts of Church and Sacraments. Thank you for sanctifying the all-of-life union between one man and one woman. Thank you Gene and Alice for your Protestant witness to your marriage. We all have so much we can learn from you.

Below is the reading that is probably the most requested of readings for the weddings I’ve done as a deacon. It’s often called the Hymn of Love. These are words worth rereading and sharing with your spouse.

Blessings.

Deacon Tom
www.catholicvitamins.com
catholicvitamins@gmail.com

A reading from the first Letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians 12:31–13:8a

Brothers and sisters: Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts.
But I shall show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge;
if I have all faith so as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

The word of the Lord.

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

Paul says that we are to give our lives in love and service to others. A question for each of us is this: What exactly and specifically is God asking of us today? I don’t think I can get myself off the hook by saying “I guess God wants me to go to Mass. (Or insert other practice such as the Rosary or an Adoration visit)” It may well be that God is very pleased that we take the time for Mass because it’s our most powerful and potent prayer. But I ask again: what is God asking of you and me today? I hope you will wrestle with that — and wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a group of Catholic friends who would be willing to go to coffee and sit and talk about such things… talk and share about God in our lives.

Okay – here’s the story from this past weekend at our parish in Arizona. After the 11AM Mass, along with our priest, I was greeting people as they left Mass. Two young women were exiting and trying to talk with Father and they couldn’t get a clear shot at attention from him. My greeting area finished first and I started talking with the ladies. They were a part of an organization called Holy Love Ministries and they had reading tracts that they wanted me to take. I agreed to speak with them after I went inside and finished cleaning the vessels and setting up the altar for the next Mass.

When I began to talk with them, it turns out that the two women seemingly had some sort of separate but powerful religious experiences. One women had been raised as a poorly formed Catholic child in Mexico. She had gone to medical school and became a doctor. She was educated and formed to give women prescriptions for contraceptives and she also gave out condoms. In Mexico, she was trained to give things to women to let them have free-wheeling sex without complications.

The second woman was much younger. She had been raised in the rough areas of Los Angeles. Her mother had been born a Catholic but gave up faith practice and the young girl that I met Sunday had been an agnostic, someone who believed in nothing. By age 13, she was into drinking… heavy drinking. She was running around — dressing the way some Hispanic girls do when they want to look older and sexy.

These two women didn’t know each other. Independently they were led to go to a place in Cleveland. And both of the women… the Mexican doctor and the trampy-acting teenager had alleged religious experiences. The teen girl said she had what might be called an illumination of conscience. While visiting a shrine, in an instant, her mind was opened to see the reality of the sins that she had been committing…. disrespect for God, for her body, for her earthly mother.

The teen girl came home and immediately got rid of her slutty clothes, and her whole life changed. She is now a daily Mass goer. She also spends at least an hour in Adoration every day. She is in college and she is a changed woman. The Mexican MD had a conversion of her heart about the way she was promoting free sex with no consequences. She is now a daily Mass goer and she is looking to find a way to join a medical clinic concentrating on Natural Family Planning and with total respect for God’s loving plan for marriage and reproduction.

These two women happened to be traveling back from a visit in California and they stopped at our Sunday Mass. After Mass, they were going to resume driving back to Ohio. Yet what were they doing along the way? They were being missionaries, trying to help tell people of the beauty of God’s love and mercy. As travelers, they were also looking for hospitality. We gave them three hours of welcome and hospitality. And God willing, their visit will wind up being an interview on our Catholic Vitamins Podcast in a few weeks.

And so I ask again. What is it that God wants of you today? To say your daily prayers? To go to a Mass if you can? Most surely. But is that all God wants of you? Of me? Of us?   We’ve been given so very much… And our Gospel tells us: Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more.”

Blessings. 

Deacon Tom

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

Have you ever thought about sharing these struggles with the Lord? Take a look at this excerpt from Fr. Michael Scanlan’s book, Appointment With God, the Apostolate for Family Consecration:

“There are times when I have gone to prayer and said, ‘God, I don’t even want to be here. Every feeling I have wants to be somewhere else. I don’t feel holy, I don’t feel like praying and I don’t feel like talking to you or listening to what you have to say. I just want you to know, Lord, where I am right now.’ Do you know that God blesses such honesty? Of course God knew how I felt all along, and when I admitted it, at least I got out of my illusion and then God could deal with me. So, be yourself with God. Be real and don’t try to be someone else.”

I’ve often said my mom was the midwest distributor for guilt. Or maybe it’s just our heritage as we Catholics are grafted onto Jewish faith roots – and Jews have always known how to soak in ‘guilt baths.’

But. But, dear friends, the Jews of the Old Testament knew how to pray to the Lord God in all circumstances. Take the Psalms for instance. St. Thomas Aquinas viewed the Psalms as encompassing each of the main emotions of the Jewish people. There are Psalms of praise, Psalms of penitence (which, by the way includes days when you might say ‘Lord, I don’t even feel like talking to You today… but down deep, I know that isn’t the way I really want to feel!’), and Psalms of justice or judgment.

The Psalms and the author or authors of them created a cadence that recognized that one day we may feel the Lord has hidden His face completely from us. And on another day, we may want to cry out “Have mercy on my, O God,” and the next day look at a hummingbird and smile at the warm sunshine as we literally want to sing out loud, “Let everything that breathes praise the Lord.”

To simplify this struggle with living life while trying to remember Him who gives life to us — I thought to recommend some key Psalm-thoughts. Maybe we could type one or two liners from the Psalms and put them some place where we can use them to gauge what today is like. Here’s what I mean…

“Your word is a lamp to my feet.” Reserved for those days when some thoughts from Scripture or from a recent Mass stay with us.

“You have made us a little lower than You, but you have crowned us with glory and honor.” On those days when we recognize how much God loves us and how we are remaining in that love.

“He will be our guide forever.” Stick with me God, because I’m confused right now and I need to know you’ll be with me in this next decision I’ve got to make.

“He who keeps you will not slumber.” I want to go into my room and pull the covers over my head and I need the assurance that You’ll be in charge for the next six hours of my downtime.

“To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.” I ain’t much Lord, but I’m all I’m thinking about these days. Help me to make a meaningful offering of myself to you.

“Oh sing to the Lord a new song.” I don’t know why I’m happy today Lord God… I want to thank you and raise some sort of happy song to You.

St. Ambrose said that a ‘Psalm is a blessing on the lips of the people… it’s the voice of the people of God (the Church), and it’s a confession of faith in song.”

About a year ago, we were blessed to have the prolific author and teacher Sr. Kathleen Glavich on our Catholic Vitamins Podcast show. One of her more than fifty books is The Catholic Companion to the Psalms. I highly recommend the easily readable book, published by Acta Publications. In the book, there is one page that summarizes much of what I wanted to share in this reflection. Sister Kathleen created a page titled Finding the Psalm for the Occasion. Did a friend disappoint you? Need forgiveness? Do you feel hopeless? God has inspired an author to provide company for that part of your journey.

Whatever our mood, let’s do our best to open up and share the mood that we are in with the God of Isaac and Jacob and Moses. The God of all seasons. The God of knowledge that surpasses all understanding.

“All you birds, Bless the Lord.”  That’s my mood for today

Deacon Tom

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

Many of you may know of the play THE MAN FOR ALL SEASONS – written by Robert Boat. In the play, the scene in the play is the courtroom in London – Thomas Moore is the prisoner in the dock. And he will not – he absolutely will not sign the Act of Supremacy that will make Henry the Eighth head of the Church of England. He, Thomas hasn’t spoken; he’s just been silent. So there’s no written document – nothing to convict him.

Thomas Cromwell is the prosecuting lawyer in this play. He is speaking to the jury made up of the Lords of England. He uses this argument to prosecute the case against Thomas Moore – “But gentlemen of the jury, there are many types of silence. Consider first the silence of a man when he is dead. And you walk into the room where he is lying – what do you hear? Nothing… that is silence pure and simple.

“Consider now another type of silence. Consider if I were to draw a dagger from my sleeve. And I want to kill the prisoner and your Lordships, instead of crying out for me to stop, sat silent. What would that silence say? It would say that you agreed with what I was planning to do.

“Now, consider the nature of Thomas Moore’s silence – Is there a man in Europe, is there a man in the whole world that does not know what this man thinks? This is not silence – this is eloquent denial that bellows up and down Europe.”  And now you may know that today we call the man in the docket St. Thomas Moore.

Now what about your silence? What kind of silence is it? How do you pray, speak or act about the life of the unborn? How did I react in a coffee shop when a young, studied and forceful fellow challenged me – me a customer and he a worker. He challenged me that certainly no one in this day and age would be Catholic after all the sins of the Roman Catholic Church. Come to think of it – did I sin in any way by my reaction to that event? How would you act if you inadvertently stumbled into a conversation with someone that challenged, or worse yet, smirked at you and your faith? I admit it was sort of an odd happening that caused a worker in a shop to volunteer his criticism to an unknown customer.

How do we act – what do we say when our young adult offspring live with another without the benefit of marriage? What should we do or say? What do you say or do when you know that there are old folks who are lonely and would love for someone to bring over a coffeecake and sit for a spell? Just to listen and to let them know that their life has been important – even if you’re the only one they get to tell about it.

What do we say to the Lord? Or – do we sit here in eloquent silence concerning our beliefs?

Deacon Tom
catholicvitamins@gmail.com

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

I do wonder a bit about the age-profile of those who read columns on the Catholic Mom website. And again, maybe some contributors are more widely read than others. As I start to pull together words for this month’s column, the reader that I envision might be a busy mom in, say her early to late 40’s, although what we’re about to get into could effect a mom in her 20’s. This is about a mom who along with all the other things she’s juggling, she and family have found out that mom’s mom has developed the beginning symptoms of Alzheimer’s or any of the related dementia type illnesses.

The onset presents a frightening and then demanding set of circumstances. Behaviors in the loved one begin to change. Loud noises or environment or simple tasks take on new realities. It is important to know that the person isn’t acting this way on purpose. Among the behavior-affecting situations are these:

-Physical discomfort caused by medication or other illness

-Overstimulation caused by loud noises or a busy environment

-Inability to recognize what used to be familiar — even in the home or remembering where things go

-Difficulty with activities or chores

-Problems with interaction or communication

Just picking the last one of these, there is a person that I’ve taken Communion to. She can respond in simple yes and no type communications. She can recite the Our Father with me and receive the Eucharist. But if you ask her to explain something from her earlier years, she becomes tongue-twisted and confused. It’s seems as if most of her ‘retrieval circuits’ are scrambled, especially for things which require clear ways of expressing multiple events and reasonings.

If it’s your mom who is in the early stages of this sort of disease, it takes great prayer and patience to deal with someone who isn’t acting in the normal or predictable manner that she did before. Do your best to avoid challenging or criticizing or being impatient with her.

And in the later stages, when mom is trying to care for mom and still continue the with all previous routines and family demands — it doesn’t take much for caregiver stress to enter into the household.

What are the signs of caregiver stress? According to the Alzheimer’s Association, the signs include denial, anger, social withdrawal, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, sleeplessness, irritability, lack of concentration and your own personal health problems.

Another experience from my work as a deacon. There is a late age gentleman that I’ve been taking Holy Communion to. We visit and share experiences. The man is still up to doing that. But his stamina and his own patience has waned dramatically. His dear wife called me one time and just broke down. She absolutely was at the point of breaking.

At one point in the conversation, I said, “I understand, I understand…” I meant that I understood what she was saying. But she took it that I understood exactly what it was like. She lost it and in a loud impatient voice, said to me, “NO YOU DON’T. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH.” Gosh did I feel sad for her. I knew the outburst wasn’t really aimed at me.

I tried talking to her about going shopping with my wife. Or going out for a meal with us. She put up the next and most frequently used defense for not changing anything: “I’m the only one that can hold this (situation) together.” Restated: “He needs me and no one else can help.” When in fact — she is at the very edge of not holding anything together because she is caught in the controlling web of trying to live and cope with the circumstances of an often unpredictable and draining disease.

If you or a loved one is struggling with the entry into this illness, I’m hopeful you’ll use the resources of the national Alzheimer’s Association. There are also state and often local chapters as well. The federal government has resources.

In all things… and this is far easier written than done… stay in prayer. Silent, before daily demand sets in type of prayer. And, take care of yourself while managing the stress that you carry. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Contact Lisa Hendey. Contact me as my wife and I do carry on a prayer ministry. Reach out to saints and holy ones. Reach out to your guardian angel. Reach out to your doctor or organizations at your hospital or other respite resources.

Blessings.

Deacon Tom

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

Bob knows a stigmatist who lives in a small, out of the way midwest town. The stigmatist – also another man has the marks of a crown of wounds on his head, and both of his hands are marked with the appearance of the wounds of Christ. This man seeks no publicity. In fact, like the late St. Padre Pio, the stigmatist doesn’t want attention directed to his wounds. He isn’t the center of attention — Christ is. But by his wounds and by his holiness, the midwest stigmatic is giving locals direction for our times.

So what is this about? If you have ever listened to Catholic Vitamins – our weekly podcast coming out of Arizona – we have featured a wide range of guests who in their ways may have helped some to find direction for the times we journey in. One of our Catholic Vitamins’ guests was a young woman – maybe in her late 20’s. Her name is Nora McCarthy and she’s a member of an organization with the name Direction For Our Times (DFOT). And, you might ask ‘what is DFOT?’

Direction For Our Times is a 501(c)(3) (non-profit)  organization dedicated to spreading the eight-book collection entitled “The Volumes.” These books were given to Anne, a lay apostle, through a process known as interior locution. Many who read these books are discovering a renewal of faith and love that is changing their lives forever. It is a change in direct line with God’s plan, implemented in one soul at a time.

I am reluctant to talk about ‘non-profit’ because we immediately think of so-called Christian organizations which seek to raise more and more money under various schemes. This organization, DFOT seeks to give away most of its information (by free download of PDF files and such). But I will hasten to say that no organization can live in a vacuum — so yes, they do welcome donations — but it’s obvious that isn’t their ‘primary’ mission.

Anne is apparently — I use that word apparently to separate this from formal Church approval — Anne is apparently receiving interior locutions (strong messages placed on her mind and heart) from Jesus. Her material — an extensive amount of these messages have been turned over to her bishop in the diocese where Anne resides. The bishop has given her permission to distribute and promote these words and messages. The consistent image that comes to me from some years of reading the books and communications from DFOT is that Jesus is active, through current day apostles in a ‘renewal’ of the Church. Most certainly, the pontificate of the late John Paul II would be an example of the ways that the Lord is renewing the faithful in the Catholic Church. Jesus (and His Blessed Mother) are active in many ways in our world — from stigmatics to Eucharistic conversions to strong pro-life groups and an energized base of young Catholics.

If you happen to be struggling with your faith, or with the life and circumstances you are surrounded with… or if you are uncertain about your path and you are looking for direction in your life, I might recommend that one place to look would be at this organization called Direction for our Times.

Below, I’ve included the April, 2011 message from Anne — a message which is apparently from Jesus as His call for us to give faithful witness and service during our lives. I thought you might want to read one of these ‘locutions.’

Blessings.

Deacon Tom

April 1, 2011

Jesus:

Dearest apostles, you are serving Me despite trials and temptations. That is why you are called apostles, because you follow Me and serve Me. No life is easy or without strife, and I know, dear apostles, that you experience your share of difficulty. These difficulties are important for you because through the suffering of them you gain mastery over yourself. When you conquer a difficulty, using the holiness you have received from Me, you become stronger spiritually and then when the next difficulty comes, you both view it differently and treat it differently. You view it as expected, because your experience tells you that life in general, and service to Me specifically, will include these difficulties. You treat it differently because you know that I am with you today as I have been with you in the past. Additionally, you understand that all difficulty passes. What is it that remains, dear apostles, when the difficulty passes? Your commitment to Me remains and the work I will for you remains. You are not overcome and I need your help. And so we go on, Jesus and His apostles. The work continues and comfort and salvation are brought to God’s children.  Be at peace, dear friends. I am with you and I am factoring in your presence as I plan for the advancement of the Renewal.

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

My wife Dee & I recently had a long lunch with Bob and Eileen D’Aurelio. It was a couple hours of good bonding which included a visit to our home. I happened to notice that Bob is outwardly wearing a crucifix — not an insignificant little piece of jewelry. It’s a real, noticeable cross and Bob is making a quiet statement by committing to wear this: “I am a Christian and I will act like one.” I’m sure people put him in a box or some corner of their mind as soon as they see him and his cross. That cross probably effects the way people act towards and with Bob; it most surely effects the way Bob acts and presents himself.

This reminds me of the Irish priest we had in Florida who talked about what it was like in the 1980’s to put on one of the WWJD bracelets. What Would Jesus Do? Put one of those on — and talk about being put into a box or a corner. I’ll say.

I think there is Scripture which says, “let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble.”

And somewhere, I read that a Pentecostal preacher in one of his preaching efforts remarked how Jesus told some that He had cured to ‘go and tell no one.’ The preacher said that this is one command many (most?) Christians are careful to obey. A sad commentary, with more than a tinge of truth.

Considering that thousands upon thousands have died as a public witness to the faith they professed, what is it that’s happened to us Catholic Christians? Most especially we Catholics who profess to believe that we have the fullness of truth? Why are we fearful or embarrassed or uncomfortable about sharing much evidence of what is supposed to be the Good News?

I’ve been thinking about this and wondering if there isn’t a Lenten challenge to consider in this? What would you be willing to do? There is a Catholic goods company that 2 inch by 8 inch signs that proclaim “This is a Catholic Home.” Would you consider putting that on or next to your front door? Would you consider obtaining a Mass card and sending it for a sick non-Catholic friend? Would you consider starting a rosary in the home effort in your neighborhood? Neighbors would slowly see your gentle witness in any of these.

We have Lenten Stations of the Cross each Friday afternoon in our parish. This is followed by a Lenten soup and bread supper with 7 or 8 crock pots of different meatless soups. Would we be willing to invite a Protestant friend to join for either or both the Stations or the soup event in our parish hall?

I didn’t set out intent on bringing up anything related to politics or current events in this column. But if you think about the shredding of the idea of marriage as between one man and one woman, and if you think about the absolute tripe and filth depicted on sitcom TV programs, and if you know that condoms are being given to school kids in the name of safe sex (which is really an invitation to casual sex)…. then what are we giving witness to by our quiet?

Today is a good day to give praise and make a little noise about what we believe in. Do we have the courage of our convictions to go and tell someone? Anyone?

Lenten blessings.

Deacon Tom

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

Some time ago, Catholic adoption advocate and columnist Heidi Hess Saxton wrote of a woman friend who was going through divorce. In her column, Heidi said, “In at least one of these cases, the woman has endured years of selfishness and immaturity, supporting her family herself as her husband found one excuse after another to abdicate his financial responsibilities to his family. Before they married, he said all the right things. After the wedding, the truth emerged with alarming clarity.” This column by Heidi sounded like a reprise of things that I’d heard.

And so our daughter who was and thankfully still remains a mostly sweet, caring woman toughened up in negotiating with and through her lawyer. Gosh was there vitriol, negativity and dishonesty in this process. Three kids. Forced to adjust. They can’t help but take sides at any age. In laws on both sides forced to take sides. One party in this sought out church practice. The other parent doesn’t believe in organized religion. Guess how confused the children will be about the image of a loving God. And there are other pains in these situations: a working mom unable to get home in time to fix a proper meal. Or a former spouse who won’t negotiate about visitation schedules when special situations present themselves. Kids overdosed with materialism as parents contend for who can be the best gift giver.

As a minister in the Church, I’ve been involved with other end-of-love situations. I’ve heard the words, “Where is the Church in this?” And in some ways I have great sympathy with that hurt. And yet – you might ask where is the Church when addiction enters a home. Or pornography. Or infidelity. Or boredom. And while I have concern to try and help — most must suffer outside the Church with perhaps some limited help from Marriage Encounter (marriage improvement), or Retrouvaille (pronounced Retro-vie and intended for helping couples put the pieces back together when things look like the worst is going to happen). There’s also Christian Family Movement and other good programs for couples still in love. But nothing that I’m aware of in the Church at large for single parents. This doesn’t seem like the Church is serving where and how it ought: those who follow such matters tell us that even in Catholic families, the marriage failure rate is near fifty percent.

In 2008 on the feast of the birth of the Virgin Mary, Holy Father Benedict the XVI said the following:

“[Her birth] constitutes …. an event that touches all of us, because every gift that God has given her, the Mother, he has given thinking also of each one of us, her children. Hence, with immense gratitude, we ask Mary, Mother of the incarnate Word and our Mother, to protect every earthly mother: those that, together with their husbands, educate their children in a harmonious family context, and those that, for so many reasons, find themselves alone in facing such an arduous task.

“May all be able to carry out with dedication and fidelity their daily service in the family, the Church, and society. May Our Lady be sustenance, comfort and hope for all.”

So it seems that the Holy Father recognizes the singular pain that takes place in a significant segment of our society. Maybe because I’m family-close to one of these situations, I am sensitive and pained where others are hardened or accepting of this as the new way of life. Blended families have created such a polyhedron of what society has become that people seem dulled to it all. And yet….

I pray for single mothers. I ache for them. All too often, they are sort of isolated from historically ‘normal’ families. Heidi Saxton raised questions about what it must be like to try to be an all-things-parent. As a grandfather — I come to visit and I see evidence that those children need a stable male influence. Our two visits a year just don’t cut it. We say grace before meals and they now associate that practice with us and our visits. On this last visit, I gave a ‘father’s blessing’ to each of the children — a practice that I urge on all fathers or mothers, whether happily married or not.

If you know of any single moms in your parish or circle — please don’t isolate them further than they already feel isolated. There probably is some worry about bringing a newly single woman into your happy or normal family situation. Pray about it — talk it over with your spouse and then open your doors as Mary in Nazareth would have done.

And if any man happens to be reading this column — let me share something from recent days of traveling. I saw a billboard sign in the midwest as we returned from our recent trip to babysit those wonderful kids. The sign said, “Change Your Life… Not Your Wife.”

Or as it is said these day, “Man Up!”

Copyright 2011 Deacon Tom Fox

About a year ago, Joe seemed to struggle with on-going colds and congestion in his chest. His illness continued through several doctor visits until he was diagnosed with lung cancer. When discovered, it was metastatic and the prognosis included options to only delay the inevitable. Joe and Joanne traveled to the M. D. Anderson medical complex in Houston and they were given a ray of hope with a new treatment program that showed promise for Joe’s type of cancer. Ultimately, it was determined that his cancer was one in ten that refused to respond to the treatments. Joe died on January 7th, surrounded by his wife and a few family members.

Another deacon and myself had been the primary Ministers bringing Jesus in the Eucharist to Joe during the months that he was too ill to get off his couch. Sometimes, his pain was so bad that he didn’t want to move anything. And yet, I was so impressed at the good humor and appreciation that Joe manifested when I came with Holy Communion. A few times, after Communion, we prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy together. I often noticed Joe’s Bible was open and there were highlighted text and underlined areas everywhere. Joe loved Holy Scripture.

Why I’m sharing this with you is that many of us have gone through this hell in one form or another. I lost a brother at age 45. He too died a horrible death due to a lung cancer that went into his spine and elsewhere. There are so many memories of that period of less than a year. One is the number of times when there would be small glimpses of hope or promise. There would be really good days, followed all too soon by a violent crashing into the waves of a disease with ultimate physical power.

There was the day when I met with my brother Eddie for a personal talk — sort of a beautiful talk of what we would do when his cancer was cured or put into remission. We talked about going together into upper Michigan and visiting Mackinac Island and staying at the Grand Hotel where the movie Somewhere in Time was filmed. There was the suggestion that I would be Eddie’s caretaker pushing him around in a wheelchair but he’d be directing because he had been to Mackinac before. He wanted me to see and experience it. We also skirted about the other not so positive possibilities — but not too much. For that was a day of hope.

Cancer cures for many types of cancers are going up, thanks be to God and medical research. All too sadly, some forms of breast and lung and pancreatic cancers still seem in control and in power in spite of much work.

Nothing — absolutely nothing will make it much easier for victims or loved ones in this area of battle. It was Winston Churchill who said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” And that is what the best witnesses have demonstrated as far as patients or their family members are concerned.

What I mean by that is found in the example of Joe who was prayerful and positive through much of his final months. What I mean is found in the little snippet of experience from my brother Eddie’s battle. Eddie was a good looking, single person when his epic battle started. Several of the nurses enjoyed taking care of Ed — his personality, smile and appreciation for them was Irish in its magic.

When Eddie passed away, I was at the funeral home during one of the visitation periods. A nurse that I think had virtually fallen in love with Eddie came to pay her respects. She wrapped her arms around me and held me and she sobbed, “This wasn’t supposed to have happened… it shouldn’t have happened.” They wanted Ed to win the battle.

It was Eddie’s ways… and the ways of those who kept prayerful watch with him that demonstrated a loving commitment to keep slogging through hell — to keep going and get to the other side. Joe and Eddie are on the other side now. It might not be the way that living family and friends desired. But, like martyrs, they gave great witness and hope.

If you are caught up in this battle these days — I pray that God will speak to you during those silent periods of seeming abandonment. And along with His love and His arms wrapped around you, may you also hear His voice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Blessings.

Deacon Tom

Without suggesting that this is judging the hearts of people, I have heard a man repeat over and over that he doesn’t believe in going to a priest to Confession. Yet this same man for years has come to Mass each weekend and goes to Holy Communion. I may not know his heart — and only God will judge him — but I do believe that man sins at least by speaking against the wisdom and the practice of the Church.

We also have people who live together with benefit of marriage. We have people who are in a second marriage without benefit of an annulment to allow them to marry in the Church again. We have people addicted to pornography who believe it doesn’t hurt anyone because it’s just the person and a computer.

I often think to myself… if only I could show them in words and documents where they are wrong in what they are doing. If only I could show them the way. And then, for this Christmas column, I remembered this old ‘parable’ written by Louis Cassels many years ago. He was with the United Press International as one of the religion editors. His words explain God’s problem. Not my problem — but the 2,000 year old problem that even God had with mankind. I’ll let Mr. Cassels finish my writing effort for this month.

“Once upon a time there was a man who looked upon Christmas as a lot of humbug. He wasn’t a Scrooge. He was a kind and decent person, generous to his family, upright in all his dealings with other men. But he didn’t believe all that stuff about Incarnation which churches proclaim at Christmas. And he was too honest to pretend that he did. “I am truly sorry to distress you,” he told his wife, who was a faithful churchgoer. “But I simply cannot understand this claim that God becomes man. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

On Christmas Eve his wife and children went to church for the midnight service. He declined to accompany them. “I’d feel like a hypocrite,” he explained. “I’d rather stay at home. But I’ll wait up for you.”

Shortly after his family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window and watched the flurries getting heavier and heavier. “If we must have Christmas,” he thought, “it’s nice to have a white one.” He went back to his chair by the fireside and began to read his newspaper. A few minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound. It was quickly followed by another, then another.

He thought that someone must be throwing snowballs at his living room window. When he went to the front door to investigate, he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the storm. They had been caught in the storm and in a desperate search for shelter had tried to fly through his window. “I can’t let these poor creatures lie there and freeze,” he thought. “But how can I help them?” Then he remembered the barn where the children’s pony was stabled. It would provide a warm shelter.

He put on his coat and galoshes and tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the door wide and turned on a light. But the birds didn’t come in. “Food will lure them in,” he thought. So he hurried back to the house for bread crumbs, which he sprinkled on the snow to make a trail into the barn. To his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs and continued to flop around helplessly in the snow. He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around and waving his arms. They scattered in every direction – except into the warm lighted barn.

“They find me a strange and terrifying creature,” he said to himself, “and I can’t seem to think of any way to let them know they can trust me. If only I could be a bird myself for a few minutes, perhaps I could lead them to safety. . . .”

Just at that moment the church bells began to ring. He stood silent for a while, listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. Then he sank to his knees in the snow. “Now I do understand,” he whispered. “Now I see why You had to do it.”

Merry Christmas from Deacon Tom (and from DW Dee). We invite you to visit us at www.catholicvitamins.com

Copyright 2010 Deacon Tom Fox

The other place where I had equally good… no make it great leadership was in the Archdiocese of Denver under his excellency, Archbishop Charles Chaput. During our time there, we went through four years of deacon formation. It changed me from a marginally trained and formed Catholic to one who recognized his shortcomings, and the power of the Sacraments in the setting of active and faithful participation in the Church. I went from opinionated and more wrong than not — to opinionated and often going to Confession for it. I became a daily Mass goer — and may it please God that I never become anything but.

What all this is leading to is that in the last 15 years, I’ve seen some church and diocese situations where the young people are formed in a mixed bag of truth and love but without much excitement or worry about orthodoxy.

The parish CCD programs have been okay; well, perhaps with a bit too much of cut-outs and coloring exercises; the later classes have been a bit better but with not enough emphasis on lively, joyful faith practice.

During deacon formation program, one of our books was Patrick Madrid’s Search and Rescue: How to Bring Your Family and Friends Into, or Back Into, the Catholic Church. I loved the book and still have it on my shelves. It’s very gentle. Near the beginning, Madrid says that everywhere he goes, he asks the question how many of you have family members who aren’t practicing or have left the Catholic Church? Invariably, the majority of hands are raised.

In a May 6th, 2010 article by Kathryn Jean Lopez, she wrote about this topic under the title WHY YOUNG CATHOLICS ARE LEAVING THE CHURCH. She said that there are a number of reasons: hypocrisy, damage from those in authority, disagreements with the teachings, etc. I’d like to agree and disagree.

For Catholic parents who care about the faith and about their young people staying with the Church — what can be done? In Kathryn Jean Lopez’s article, she shared the following:

Conservative radio talk-show host Hugh Hewitt, who is author of The Embarrassed Believer: Reviving Christian Witness in an Age of Unbelief, says he’s “on leave” from the Catholic Church. He argues, “The American Church… needs a reformation.” But, he despairs, “none is even remotely close to occurring.” Hewitt points to the cathedral in Los Angeles as “the perfect expression of the American Church today — so sterile it could be an air conditioning plant and designed to please non-Catholics with the taste of the leadership.”

From my perspective, that kind of observation may have legs about things going on (or NOT) in the Church at large. But the problems that bring our children to the point of abandonment have more to do with the way they are faith-reared in their homes, and in their faith education programs in their parishes.

About a year ago, we interviewed a family from our parish. It turned out to be a two-part show. (Catholic Vitamin F: Family) and we’ve gotten so much feedback concerning that family. They raised 13 (yes, thirteen!) children to know, love and practice the faith. There were evening rosaries, bible readings, statues and images of Mary and the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There were Holy Days of Obligation and daily Masses whenever possible. Those children left the family firmly grounded in their faith.

Now to be honest, not all of them have stayed active as Catholics. But from what we hear, they are Gospel-activated Christian adults. They are people who have God in their hearts. And they carry that witness to others, especially the poor.

The parents of that family didn’t and don’t make any apology for or excuse for raising the kids as REAL CATHOLICS. In one case, I seem to recall that the parents took the kids out of a parish religious education program because it was heavy on felt banners and Kumbaya, and light on real Catholic teaching. In one example of a problem – the teacher wasn’t going to teach the children about mortal sin. What’s that about?

I wonder if you feel that you are doing the best at faith witness and leadership for your children. May it please God the answer is yes. We will have to stand before Almighty God and give answer to how we formed our children. If you have time to do anything about it when they are young — do so. And if they are grown up and away from the Church, please consider Patrick Madrid’s book.

Oh — one other resource: may I refer you to the wonderful website and booklet by Lisa Mladinich. You can find her at www.AmazingCatechists.com.

While her book and the site may seem oriented to catechists (and this is true) — Lisa’s work is equally brilliant and valuable for parents to help bring the faith alive in the precious souls given by God to you for a few years. Lisa’s also a columnist on the Catholic Mom site. Visit her here and on Catholic Moments.

We are in prayer for you.

Blessings.

deacon tom

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Well — we are all dying, aren’t we? A former pastor used to say that one out of every one of us is terminal. We do a lot to not think of such matters – but the priest is right. And so, while I pray for the man I’m visiting each day, I am praying for God’s miraculous release from this fellow’s ‘sentence.’

And then I come upon a quote from a priest that I really care for and believe in a great deal. He’s Father Michael Scanlan, TOR from Franciscan University. In his book LET THE FIRE FALL, (Franciscan University Press), Fr. Francis writes these words,

“Before you pray for healing, pray for faith. Pray for a charismatic faith, a faith that is infused and certain. Pray for a certain knowledge of what the Lord wants to do in any situation involving healing. When a person who is sick or crippled or dying stands before you and asks for prayer, you pray first in faith and ask the Lord what he wants to do.”

The difference jumps out at me. I’m praying for healing as I walk into this man’s home, when what I ought to be doing is praying, “God, share with me your will for this man. What is your perfect plan for him?”

That’s a significant difference. In the first case, I’m telling the Lord… or at least begging for God to reach out, right there, right then and to start the curing process for this fellow. What I really need is to be on my knees asking for God’s will to be manifest in the fellow’s life, and that I may know it and pray for this to happen. Hello, Tom. I mean I’ve been praying the words, “Thy will be done….” since I was a whippersnapper. And yet I’m going around filling in the blanks of what God ought to be doing.

This theme – these thoughts are mirrored in a popular book now in its 22nd printing. It’s called HEALING, and it was written by Francis MacNutt, Ph.D. (Ave Maria Press). In his writing, Dr. MacNutt says that there comes a time in the lives of people, e.g. the elderly when it is time to die. When we come upon someone in the late years of their life and they are suffering from a terminal disease, we should pray for the light whether to ask God to take away he sickness, or whether we should pray for a happy death.

In that same book, MacNutt shared the experience of Agnes Sanford when she prayed for her late-aged husband. She prayed for guidance and she asked, in prayer, “Lord, how long does he have.” And the answer came to her: “He has three years.” And so Ted, her husband did last three more years, and then suffered a massive stroke. Sanford didn’t pray then for his healing because she knew it would mean more suffering and agony. She prayed for God’s will to be done.

As I approach the end of the column and I think about a purpose for these words, I have come to these thoughts. In all things, praise God. Let us strive to remember the words from Job that if we accept good things from God, should we not also accept the bad?

Next — to enter any area of illness or apparent death with an openness, asking God for knowledge of His will. And from whatever is placed (firmly) on our heart, to move forward in prayer for that intention.

Finally – over the years, I’ve written and preached about intercessory prayer. I believe in it. I believe many of us are called to be intercessors for others. And when we are dealing with children, young adults, young marriages, middle age illness and such — I firmly believe we can stand boldly before God’s throne and beg His mercy in these situations. Even if we have previously prayed to know His will and it doesn’t look promising for a young person or a couple — I am confident that God welcomes intercessors as part of His plans for the Kingdom. Yet some illness may serve a higher purpose — to us unknown. And so again, God’s will be done. Amen. And Amen.

Closing note: From time to time, I get prayer requests ranging from marital issues, to troubles with children, etc. It is an honor to participate in these matters at a distance. Please send an email (ask@deacontomonline.com) or call our Catholic Vitamins feedback line (206-350-3789) if you have need for prayer help. And rest assured, these matters are treated with respect and confidentiality.


Copyright 2010 Deacon Tom Fox

I love spending time around young people these days. I love to work with pre-marriage situations and I like doing the weddings. I even like the mother of the bride and all that that’s supposed to bring about. I like it when I get to talk with young couples who want to have their children baptized. What an opportunity to share about the beauty of being a practicing member of the faith, and about passing that practice on to the young gifts that God has given them to watch over.

My love for young people spills over into young families. For example there is a family in our community with five girls under ten. I baptized the youngest and we have watched over and fussed about the girls a little bit. Just recently, the mother told us she was going to home school their three older girls — while trying to keep the other two very young girls content and occupied. My wife Dee and I volunteered to watch the second youngest — her name is Clara and she can be a handful! We know that she can be outspoken and a little disobedient at times. But under it all she is such a loving and sweet girl.

What happened when we had Clara out and away from her mom and siblings was sort of eye-opening. Completed unsolicited, Clara said “I love you” a couple times. We started by taking her to a local place for a donut and a drink. A little later, there was a drop in comment like “I hate you.” If you looked quickly, you could see that the ‘I hate’ words were really said to see if we were really paying attention to her — and this was pretty quickly followed by “I love you and I’m so glad we are together today.”

What I was relearning was what some parents struggle with: not every child is cut from the same mold. Yes, they are all from your seed. But one can be born with genes that drive the child to excel. Another is born with the need to have precise schedule and order. No strange babysitters or foreign houses for these children.
And another is born with a need for continuing, almost consuming amounts of reinforcement.

Okay — I’m almost two thirds into this article and I’m still struggling with what I concluded the other day, and about it’s importance for moms and dads. Couples often have times… days without end of disillusionment, internal anger, frustration. I know this will sound terrible — but I’ll bet that in tiredness, some parents might secretly harbor a few hours of the desire to treat their circumstances like we might treat a dog adopted from the humane society. Take it back and end the disappointment and frustration and feeling that none of it is right. Is it a matter of toughing it out or is there some magic to this reality?

I invite you to turn to the U. S. Conference of Catholic Bishops website www.foryourmarriage.org. The sharing they provide to us about marriage also speaks to these children issues. On the bishop’s site, three things are said to be present in couples who persevere through difficult times.

The first is the ability to hope. Hope in marriage is about believing in a shared but unseen future. Hope is more than optimism. Hope in a child’s graduation ceremony and you with tears running down your cheeks. “We did it. We made it. It wasn’t always like it seemed ten years ago.” As St. Paul said in the eighth chapter to the Romans: “For in hope we were saved.  Now hope that sees for itself is not hope.  For who hopes for what one sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance.”

Continuing with thoughts from the U. S. Conference of Bishops, the second key to perseverance is the ability of both spouses to sacrifice for a better future. One of the couples may have the patience to give all that extra attention to that one child with extra needs and demands. Knowing that it won’t go on forever — one of the parents needs to go with what’s needed now. But for this to work, you need the third leg of the stool: perseverance. The third characteristic of persevering couples is faith—in themselves, in one another and in God. Sometimes, a visit with a priest or a deacon or a trusted friend … or visiting a Morning Mass without the children — these are the actions that can provide another few days of balance and internal composition. Even when we have only a tiny bit of faith in ourselves or in God, prayer can sustain us.

We have a grandson that is in second grade but he remains a very dependent ‘mamma’s boy.’ What is strange is that he is a notable achiever in any sports he participates in. He’s a champ. Yet, he can and will cry if his mom is out of town on a business trip. No amount of reinforcement or words suggesting he ‘grow up’ will do anything to change where he is now in his journey. I suspect he won’t be this way when he is a junior or senior in high school . But he has to be accepted for where he is today. And it causes some issues with those who are in his immediate family. Such is life. Such is the human condition. It’s not all that stranger than having a three year old child say to me, “I hate you. Do you love me?”

Blessings.
Deacon Tom

Copyright 2010 Deacon Tom Fox

Our first town to stop in was Lindsay, Ontario, population about 15,000. Mom directed me through some side streets and she pointed out a few homes: “That’s where so-and-so used to live. And there’s where we lived when I was a young girl.” We came upon a river nearby and she asked me to stop. We got out and she said that she had many memories of that area: swimming (although I thought she was afraid of water), swinging on a tire attached to a tree branch… and having fun with contests like skipping rocks along the top of the water.

Such innocent days; such great times. Days when only the good memories survive. Days and memories before the great depression or at least before those sad times caused moves because there was no work and no money. Days before addiction and cancer and divorce in other family members. These are the good times and the memories that my dear mom held on to.

In fact — it was common occurrence that every time my wife Dee and I went back to Detroit to visit mom — we’d wind up driving someplace to revisit places and neighborhoods. And as we did so, we listened to an oft repeated tour of earlier times in the east side of Detroit. The ‘flat’ where mom and my dad lived before I was born. The second floor where mom worked in a dentist’s office. The place called Belle Isle where the two young marrieds would go with a blanket to sleep outside because it was too hot and humid to sleep in their apartment.

Mom used to be a melancholy person from time to time. I think she drank some to soothe the loneliness and re-enter the time machine that would take her back to happier days. We tried to coax mom to move close to us — but she didn’t want to give up her familiar east Detroit neighborhood. And so we drank some times worrying about my mother — feeling guilty about separation and pain that we had been a part of by living our lives away from Detroit.

Mom passed away in 1994; she died from the effects of congestive heart failure. Other factors contributed.

The last intelligible conversation we had – mom wanted to know when I was going to return to the Church and the sacraments. I made a sort of smart aleck reply about good people and Protestants going to heaven. I was neither a good person nor a Protestant. She slumped into resigned quiet.

Mom used to skip stones; I used to skip stones, but I would like to be a stone – a rock for the Lord. Just as I found in these words by a former newspaper fellow:

” I am a stone in your hand, O Lord. Drop me not into the dirty street, nor hurl me into the abyss. Keep me close ‘till you have need of me.

Roll me down the mountainsides of the world as a warning, so sinners may beware the avalanche of your anger, and may flee to the shelter of your forgiveness. Skim me over the waters, shallow and deep, to your heart’s content so that all the ponds and pools and rivers and seas may become aware of you. Tap me against the millions of mystic windowpanes, so sleepyheads may be awakened to your love. Use me as a weapon against the wolves that eye your flocks.

I know not what sort of stone I am, granite or quartz or flint or common sandstone, nor whether I am round and flat or sharp and jagged. I know only that you, who make all stones, and have pressed rich veins of ore into some, and shining crystals into others, will harden me to your purposes and shape me to your ends. It is good to lie waiting, in your hands.”

(The late journalist) Eddie Doherty from his book “I COVER GOD.”

Blessings,

Deacon Tom

Copyright 2010 Deacon Tom Fox