She sees what she wants to get done
and loves with her accomplishments.
A gift to her child,
a blessing for her husband.
Too busy to see how much
has already been done,
too concerned with tomorrow
to enjoy today.

Forcing herself to compete
and check off tasks
on an arbitrary list.
Gaining nothing of value,
yet missing the essence
of a child’s love.

A hug,
a kiss,
three small words
getting lost in the hustle.
A smile,
a laugh,
a story
too short to miss.

A mother’s love is strong,
yet weak in the busyness of life.
Letting priorities get shifted
and looking ahead
instead of down at her child.

Too fast,
too soon,
it will be tomorrow.
Regrets will then set in,
and she will mourn the days she wasted.
Her child will be grown
and she will be old,
but her love will still be inside
waiting to flourish through her eyes.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

The Three Joys of Vacation

1.  The days are slower.

When constantly surrounded by noise, traffic, and other houses, life becomes frustrating and almost claustrophobic.  It seems so busy with everything going on around our little house.  Vacating takes us away from the hustle and bustle, if only for a little bit.  The areas nearby our home are commercialized with a grocery store and Dunkin’ Donuts on every corner, along with a large congestion of mall traffic.  Signs and store ads bombard our eyes and bring stress to our souls on a daily basis.

2.  There is not a have-to list.

We can take the day as it comes and decide what we want to do.  We can look at each day deliberately and make choices.  There is a greater level of freedom and relaxation that can be enjoyed and relished in.  Daily chores are not as burdensome or time consuming.  Each day is like an open ended question waiting to be answered.  God is easier to be heard in the stillness of our minds.  The list is no longer a chain that constricts us, but a back burner project that will be there when we get home.

3.  The mess and stress are miles away.

All the things at home and work are no longer on our minds and family can be our main focus.  The piling up of mail and bills are not in plain view.  The telephone is not ringing off the hook along with hearing the neighbors sneezing, talking on their telephones, and throwing containers into recycle bins.  We can be more at ease and more of ourselves.  There are not eyes always watching our every move outside of our home.  Our family is our family.  God is the only one watching over us and guiding our every step.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

3 Lessons Learned at the Playground

I remember the playground being a fun experience as a very young child and more of a competition as I grew older.  Clicks began to form and lines were drawn.  Fortunately, recess ended in sixth grade, but the hallways and locker gossip filled its place.  My son is only four and the playground has already made its impression on his ego.  There are lessons at the playground one must learn.

1.  Not everyone is your friend.

There were two girls who refused to play with my son.  They kept telling him to go away.  He was trying to be friendly and I overheard one of the girls say that her daddy told her not to play with boys.  They were only four or five and already had been told to avoid the opposite sex.  I will assume that this rule was made out of love and safety, but at the same time, why are we segregating sexes at such a young age?  It is not even the age of cooties, boys chase girls, or even junior high dances.  Yet, it pains me to see my son subjected to this cruelty and rejection so early in life.

2.  Older kids might leave you out.

My son, Linus, insists on not only playing with every kid at the playground, but especially the older boys.  They see Linus as a little boy who can’t do everything they can.  He feels left out when they won’t include him and doesn’t understand that their games might be too rough or mature for him.

3.  Sometimes you have to share and take turns.

Children at the playground need to be reminded to take turns and share toys, swings, and slides.  There is sometimes pushing to be the first on the slide or grabbing away of sand toys, but time and again, parents nearby repeat the rules of sharing.  I often think that we, as parents, have a hard time sharing our coffee, wine, and cell phones.  Though those are things our young children shouldn’t be having anyway.  But to a young child, we are not sharing.

The playground is our first taste of the real world.  It is a glimpse into what dealing with different personalities is like.  God made us all unique, but most of us could improve our people and cooperation skills as any young child needs to.  After all, children mimic what they see.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

Writing through the Stress of Starting Homeschooling

Stress can create writer’s block.  It seems to shut out the truth from being set free.  I have a difficult time discovering what is bugging me when a lot is going on in my life.  Just living in the moment becomes a challenge.  Poetry is easier to produce as my feelings take up most of my reflective time.  But they are just feelings.  I can react more rationally if I remember that my feelings don’t define me.

We have recently started homeschooling our 4-year-old son using the Kindergarten Catholic Heritage Curricula.  It was a struggle last week to get our son to sit for even a short period of time since he wanted to play with his new birthday toys.  Today our school time went more smoothly since his new toys are now a week old.  I also credit his birthday party last week with creating his tired attitude that prevented him from wanting to learn.  I had already been teaching him letters, numbers, math, and religious education, but now I actually have a curriculum to follow and stick to.  My husband helps teaching some of the religious education and enjoys watching our son learn about God.  Homeschooling will always have its stressful times, but it is worth trying to pursue.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

A Girlish Size

Petite,
yet not a woman.
Uncomfortable in my own skin
but loving my shape
until I step inside a store.

Less than a zero,
I am not a person.
They tell me to go down a size
when there is no where else to go.
Gravitating toward the girls department
just to clothe myself.
Surrounded by pink tutus
where staple clothing is nonexistent.

A stature all my own
the way God made me.
Cute,
tiny,
and miniature.
But big things
can come from small packaging.

On a mission
to find the woman under all the wrinkles.
Too much fabric getting in the way.
Searching for myself
underneath the gigantic tent.
Hoping to find a suitable home
to rest my body in.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

3 Things I Dislike About Being Sick

1.  I don’t feel like myself.

I am unable to accomplish daily tasks with the same energy as normal.  This lack of zest gets the best of me and leads to frustration.  I am accustomed to always being on the go, but sickness stops me from continually moving.  My attitude toward others is more negative because of how I feel physically.  My level of interaction is also decreased since I don’t feel like saying or doing much.

2.  I am forced to slow down and rest.

Lent is a great time to fast from doing too much, but my type A personality can’t stand not finishing everything on my to-do list.  I have a difficult time asking for help and sitting still for a long period.  Resting a sickness is a power struggle on my part.  I become aggravated with my disabilities and being forced to stay put.  I am trapped within my own house and want to get out.

3.  I have to miss out.

Whether it be a grocery store sale, a party or other special event, being sick prevents me from going to it.  There were certain sales I wanted to make it to this past week, but the winter storm and my sickness got in the way.  My husband and I also couldn’t attend our town’s monthly event for the same reasons.  Though, I dragged my weak body to the writers’ conference.  Once you pay, you are expected to attend because there are no refunds.  I tried to enjoy the conference as much as I could, despite my illness.  I am glad I lasted through the day because this specific conference only happens once a year.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

-Luke 2:48, Good News Translation

It seems that Jesus ran off on Mary and Joseph as well.  But in today’s world, I worry that something could happen due to our son’s fearless attitude.  We constantly tell him that he needs to hold hands and stay with us to be safe.  He then responds, “You know, adults have to be safe too.  You have to hold my hand in parking lots and when we cross the road.  You could get hit by a car, so you have to be safe.”  I often wonder if his almost four-year-old mind comprehends what we are trying to teach him.

He likes being in control and thinks he can do whatever he pleases.  My son’s strong opinions are just his way of being his own person.  Like Mary and Joseph, we get very nervous when he runs off.  We worry that something could have happened to him.  But even Jesus had trouble obeying his parents.  It is comforting to know that even Mary and Joseph could not always get Jesus to listen to them.

When I feel like I am the worst mom in the world for having a strong-willed and on-the-go child, I try to remember that our example for parents, Mary and Joseph, also had trouble with Jesus.  Children are not the same as us and we can’t make them behave.  Though when other moms glare at me after my son has pushed their child, I am discouraged that I have done something wrong.  It is like they blame me for my child having a mind of his own.  I can only try and shape him in the ways of the Lord, but he will make his own decisions and mistakes.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

Battling Snow

It is amazing what one person is capable of when given rough circumstances. God is there every inch of the way, we just don’t always notice his presence until later on. The state of Connecticut recently got dumped with an average of 3 feet of snow. My husband spent all day Saturday trying to dig us out. He only came in for small breaks, such as, for a snack and for lunch. While working all the way until dinner, our neighbor was nice enough to give him a Bud Light for his hard work. Bud Light is at the bottom of the list when it comes to his favorite beers, but at the end of a long day of shoveling, he said it was the best beer he had ever had.

Now, I am not a big Bud Light fan either, so that statement really said something to me. We really appreciate the little things when we have hard times, work like crazy, and have God showing us there is a way out. It was tiring to watch my husband be the sole shoveler of the family, while my almost 4-year-old and I got off the hook. Though, I had to spend all day keeping my son from going outside to bother his daddy. My husband, Chris, was also a little under the weather, so spending all day in the freezing blizzard didn’t help. My son, Linus, wanted a job and he wanted it now. Linus planned to shovel right next to my husband, but unfortunately, his little body and sand shovel probably would have been defeated by the massive mounds of snow.

After one trial comes another. Two days later, on Monday, February 11 at 4 a.m., I noticed water leaking into the bathroom during a nighttime bathroom run. I was already having trouble sleeping, so this situation made it even harder to return to my slumber. I awoke my husband to let him know what was going on and he was not pleased to hear such startling news at an early hour. He was planning on working from home, but instead he had to use vacation time to clean off our roof with a roof rake. It felt like I was saying, “I told you so,” which I may have in some form. But he was so tired and sore on Sunday, I didn’t want to push the issue of him clearing off the roof all day.

The leaking has stopped since the roof being cleared. I really hope there isn’t any major water damage. If there is, we are in serious trouble. I do feel like God was with us through all our trials today, as worried as I am about our house. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, who will fight to save his family by shoveling us out and clearing off our leaking roof. As a mother, I am also blessed with a sweet son who loves my pepperoni pizza. God is always there, just not always in the way we would want or expect.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

Party Burnout

Whenever our family has a party to attend, we are then invited to another one.  On top of that, the next party happens to be the same weekend.  By the end of the weekend, we are so tired from running around and putting on a good face that we end up crashing.  I thought that after the holidays the parties would calm down, but it seems that every single person we know has decided to invite us to birthday parties all at the same time.  We were not expecting the invitations for some of them and were told of one event at the last minute.  We always try to attend all the functions that we are able to, but sometimes it becomes too much.

When we are on the verge of a major family meltdown, we have turned down invitations to events.  I sometimes feel bad letting the person down by not coming, but we only have a finite amount of time on the weekends.  We need some time for relaxation.  Being at a party can be exhausting because it feels like acting in a show.  Everyone is watching and noticing every little thing that happens.

I like staying at home and having “party foods.”  We often party at home for New Year’s Eve and the Superbowl.  Though, our party is an Un-Superbowl Party where we watch movies and eat typical Superbowl snacks.  I enjoy being in my own environment without anyone to impress.  It is a slower pace and more peaceful.  Also, I find that all the activity from parties keeps me up at night.  My husband and son are the only people I need to party with and I enjoy the time we spend together as a family.  When it is just the three of us, we can be ourselves and have a lot more fun.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

Enough for God

At times I feel alone,
yet so loved.
So unworthy of His love
and sacrifice.
A selfish human being
living in sin;
I am imperfect.

How is it that He humbled Himself,
but I have trouble caring?
Too concerned with possessions
I find myself in darkness.
When I start to change myself for good,
I end up a step behind.

Praying to be a better person,
but never feeling anything.
The daily grind haunting me
and clouding my mind.
Helpless, yet strong,
a strength that comes from God alone.
Yet never enough.

Enough passion
or commitment.
Enough mother,
wife,
or person.
Enough is enough.
To God I am more than enough.

I must have faith
that He needs me
as much as others do.
Trying hard not to focus
on my shortcomings,
for they are many.
My talents are my strengths,
though they are few.

But through my talents
I will find myself in God.
For He gave me my gifts
with good reason
and I need to trust in His providence.

Copyright 2013 Tanya Weitzel

Control Wars

Toddlers always want to feel in charge of a situation.  But as a parent, I need to be in charge of my toddler.  This tug of war can last for a long time.  When it comes to disciplining, our son seems to listen more to my husband.  Partially due to still nursing, I think he has a different bond with me and almost feels as though he controls me.  When he is acting up, I refuse to answer his plea for breastfeeding.  He becomes so upset that he starts screaming.  I was hoping he would self-wean, but at this point, I don’t know if he will.

Taking away toys and privileges doesn’t seem to phase him.  But, when I respond with a firm, “No,” when he asks for “memes,” he is definitely shaken.  Our son, Linus, says he is not big enough to stop nursing and likes my milk.  I think being home with him all the time influences his attachment to the act itself.  It almost seems like a ritual, which doesn’t surprise me (considering the obsessive-compulsive nature that runs in my family).  If it is just a routine that he has become accustomed to, then the next step would be to fill that time in with something else.

I have tried reading, cuddling, or playing trains to distract his thoughts from breastfeeding.  But every time, he turns and asks me for my “memes.”  I am still hoping he will outgrow nursing, especially if he wants a sibling.  The frequency of his suckling would make becoming pregnant difficult.  God has the last say as to if and when another baby shall come, but Linus doesn’t want to let go of my complete attention.  And oftentimes, I need a break from his attachment.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

Patiently Waiting to Celebrate Christmas

During Advent, we are bombarded with store advertisements of toys, electronics, and games.  Our society goes from a self-centered world to an unfriendly, fast-paced “me, me, me” mentality.  As quickly as I recycle the store advertisements before my son sees them, new ones are delivered.  The mountain of stuff that one could buy never seems to end.  Advent is a time for reflection, prayer, and fasting.  We are making our hearts ready for Jesus.

It is hard to stay focused when every weekend is packed with parties, shopping, or just the everyday errands, but we must do our best to pray for the strength in keeping our eyes on Jesus.  Christmas is not here yet, and we must remember to remain open to his coming.  The decorating and hanging of ornaments can wait.  Write out Christmas cards, but don’t send them yet.  Wrap gifts, prepare the house, but don’t sing Christmas carols.  Let’s be patient in anticipation for our Lord’s arrival.

Jesus does not ask that we celebrate during Advent.  The true feast begins on the eve of December 24 and lasts until the Epiphany of January 6.  This period from Christmas until the Epiphany is the “Twelve Days of Christmas.”  The time from The Epiphany to the baptism of Jesus is also part of the Christmas season.  Jesus wants us to get ready for him as we would any house guest.  Prioritize, make lists, and look forward to His coming.  We should be excited when He arrives and able in every way to enjoy His visit.  Jesus is the honorary guest of Christmas in which we are preparing our spiritual homes.  Our souls should be cleansed and ready to receive our Lord.  Step back and be patient.  Jesus will come on the same day He does every year, but He is already working with us in our hearts.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

Making New with Thanksgiving Leftovers

When most families think of leftovers, there are usually a few moans and groans.  Being creative with leftover food can be fun.  After Thanksgiving dinner, our family had a bunch of leftovers to eat for the next few days.  In our home, the Thanksgiving meal is not a spread of foods we normally eat.  I am not fond of mashed potatoes, and without trying to influence my son, he is also not a fan.  So I decided to make “pizza” out of them.  I took the mashed potatoes and added a little oat bran, cheddar cheese, and an egg.  I smoothed them out into a crust and baked it until it was golden in color.  Next, I put a thin layer of tomato sauce, shredded mozzarella cheese, leftover chopped broccoli and ham, and a little more cheddar cheese on top.  I baked it until the cheese was melted.

My son was so excited to try my soft “pizza.”  He loved it so much and was eager to have the leftovers the next day (not that there was much to put in the refrigerator).  My husband and I chuckled inside at the fact that our son was eating a food that in the past had come back out of his mouth, due to his dislike of it.  Leftovers made into something new can be an enjoyable adventure.

God is asking us for our “leftovers.”  He asks us to give Him who we are right now, so He can make us new.  Being grateful at Thanksgiving, and all year, is a good way to see ourselves through God’s eyes.  He is waiting to help us make something new and delicious out of our “leftovers.”  We may be imperfect and have pieces missing, but God can create miracles just by giving ourselves to Him.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

God in Our Friends

God reveals Himself through others.  When I go for a long period of time without seeing my friends, I feel even more separated from God.  Other people in my life are glimpses into His eyes.  They speak truths, wisdom, and guidance that may help me get closer to Him and find my path.  Sometimes I may not listen closely enough, but God is there.  My friends’ company and support uplifts me and gives me strength to strive for my purpose.

My husband and I recently set up a monthly wine club.  Each couple brings a bottle of wine and food to share.  This club was started in order to try new wines and enjoy spending time with our friends.  We successfully had our second wine club event, and the next one is already in the works.  We were disappointed when this last event was delayed, but it ended up turning out great.  Everyone had a wonderful time and they are looking forward to the next date.

When we are surrounded by other young married couples, we feel less alone in our lives.  There are other people we know who are going through similar trials.  Especially as a mom, it was comforting to talk to another young mother about parenting issues.  The more loved ones on our side, the more I feel God’s presence and support behind us.  It is an important part of life to take advantage and be open in situations where God might be speaking.  He is always there, we just don’t always notice His hand in everything.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

Fallen Love

The cool fall breeze
reminds me to change.
I feel Your breath upon me.
Awakened, I hear You
whispering words of passion.

The scent of the harvest,
rainbows in the trees.
Everything around me
in an array of beauty.

Wrapped up in emotion
I feel the necessity to be with You.
To talk,
to ask,
but mostly just to listen.

So quiet from the busy week,
I find I might explode.
Yet, You wait for me.
In desperate need of Your compassion,
for no one else will do.
Only You can love me
the way I long to be.

Perfect in every way,
the only man who will ever be.
I place too many standards
on the ones I love.
For they never can be You,
and I shouldn’t expect them to be.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

Wine and Dine at Home

My husband and I have enjoyed going to a hip and fancy wine bar a few times nearby our home.  We can’t always afford the prices of the wine, considering the markup on the wine and food, so we often have a date at home.  We buy a bargain wine, but a very good one, anywhere from $5.99 to $14.99.  Then we buy fancy cheeses and crackers to eat along with some fruit and vegetables.  Chocolate is sometimes an accompaniment as well.  The cheeses are usually purchased from a nearby discount grocery store with very competitive prices.  They only get certain items in seasonally, so the variety is always changing.  With these few ingredients, we make our own cheese plate to have with our “special” wine.  Sometimes we buy meats to add to the display as they do at the wine bar.  It depends a lot on the wine that we have decided to drink as to what foods we will consume with it.

Also, when dining out and ordering a bottle of wine, the server does not intend for the customer to bring any home.  In Connecticut, we are allowed to bring the rest of a bottle of opened wine home from a restaurant as long as it’s not within reach of the driver.  We actually only bought a bottle of wine out once, due to the half-price deal on Mondays.  But while dining, the server continually came back and top off our wine glasses, thus ensuring that we would lengthen our stay and buy more food.  This technique often works in their favor.

This one occasion is still clear in my mind.  My husband and I were planning on bringing home half of the bottle for later, but since it was already poured, we had to drink it there.  As the server had anticipated, we bought a second appetizer, coffee, and dessert.  We needed time to let the alcohol wear off and we also enjoy coffee, especially after having wine (not that it helps with the alcohol).

Drinking at home, we could have stopped at half of the bottle and saved money on more food, tax, and tip.  When I am at home, I feel safer and more relaxed about drinking, because we will not have the risk of driving home a little bit under the influence.  The pressure is taken off to finish the bottle all at once and then it is split over two or three days.  It is more enjoyable because the wine is like new each day we have a glass.  The best part is, I don’t have to wear high heals.  We can curl up to a movie in our slippers with our wine, if we so desire.

There are occasions where we will get take-out food to have at home with our wine and we usually have a decent coupon as well.  That way, we have restaurant food at home.  Or we may purchase a nice frozen meal to share.  But we seem to save money and have more fun at our home “wine bar.”  It is more intimate and less crowded, we can dine without shoes, and we can pace ourselves.  As fun as it is to dine at a fancy restaurant, I would much rather be at home.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

A Three-year-old Psychologist

Often our son reminds me that, “It’s okay.”  This comment may refer to his unacceptably bad behavior, or maybe I got upset over his spilled soup, but he truly believes these words.  One may need to be reminded that everything in God is “okay.”  Things will work out if one believes that God is taking care of it.  He truly loves each one of us and he wants us to trust in His will.

When my son explains to me how, “He just wants to hang out and be a family,” and that, “You get mad at me sometimes, but it’s okay,” it makes me stop in awe.  A three-year-old comforting me that everything will turn out fine in the end is amazing.  He truly is a God-given gift.  His words don’t always make me feel better, but I am glad he tries to empathize with me.  We must be doing something right.

Our son is still too young to understand why we may get upset to the extent that we do, but he is right, it is okay.  As long as we have God and each other, everything will turn out good in the end.  Maybe we, the parents, stress the small stuff more than we should instead of seeing the bigger picture.  God will help us through our hardships when we turn to Him.  We are blessed to have our family and all of our needs met.  So as our son, Linus, always reminds me, “Sometimes I am bad, but it’s okay.  I just want us to be happy as a family.”  God wants the same of us.  We may sin, but it’s okay.  He is our father and loves us.

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

They Are Watching You

Parents are the primary role models for their children.  But who is really teaching our children?  Do we, as parents, take the time to sit and have a conversation, or do we continue to overlook what they are asking us?  Children learn by watching, and if they watch their parents ignore them, they will do the same.  They may even find another, less appropriate, way to get attention.  Parents and children are busy running from place to place without much time left for family dinner or quality time.  Being fully present, even for a couple of minutes, can have a positive impact on a child.  A child knows when you are focused on something else and not paying close enough attention to them.  They want and need your undivided attention.

Sitting down and playing with cars, cuddling up to a short story, or looking at the moon together are things that mean the world to a little one.  They want to let you in their world and share in your own.  Children look up to their parents and often mimic what they say and do.  I am amazed at all the little phrases our son copies from us.  He shows his affection by listening and watching us.

Parents are teaching their children without realizing it.  Children are shadows and copy their parents out of love and respect.  They know when they are being ignored and it frustrates them.  Giving a little time to your children will teach them to be better citizens and people.  Displaying patience will help them to develop the quality as well.  The primary teacher is an irreplaceable role that can only be filled by a parent.  It is a vocation to raise a child.  God has given us our children to be care for, and it is essential that we step up and take on our full potential.

Image Credit: Morguefile, Monsterdimka

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel

Embracing Beauty Gracefully

As a stay-at-home mom, it is difficult to find the energy to dress up and put a little makeup on. Though when I do take the extra time, everybody is better off. I stand up a little straighter, I feel a little more beautiful, and I have more grace throughout the day. There is more dignity attached to my job as a “Mom.” Since I am feeling better, it rubs off on my husband and son as well. Dressing to impress my employers, my husband and son, gives me more confidence in myself and my abilities.

I grew up with a mother who rarely wore makeup, so I never felt the need to wear it. I was often told I was beautiful without it, so wearing it felt like a mask. The rare times I wore makeup, I did it for the wrong reasons. Fixing myself up out of love for my husband and myself gives more meaning behind the makeup. My husband married a cute girl who dressed up nice for him, so switching to sweats or pajamas is a big change. He deserves a little extra primp time from me, even if we are married.

Being a married woman, allowing myself to enjoy my beauty is part of the equation. I am a woman and should embrace my elegance. Never being a “girly girl” in my youth creates barriers for me now. In high school, I enjoyed painting my nails every week, but now my toddler would probably knock over the nail polish when he desires my attention. Adding a little more pampering time for myself will be good for me and my marriage. Hopefully my husband with appreciate the extra time I am taking to fully display and enhance my beauty.

This rediscovery of beauty, womanhood, and marriage came about after attending a facial party. I had forgotten how wonderful it felt to take care of my skin. In the past, I had made my skin a priority, even though I didn’t wear makeup. I miss the feeling, smell, and essence of facial products and masks. My skin and soul felt so beautiful after the facial party. I want to keep that for myself and attend to my need as a woman and a wife to feel beautiful. Embracing my womanhood makes me more whole and at ease with myself.

The Walls’ Memories

The walls still whisper
the pains of the past.
Bleeding on the inside
and still standing.
Strong and silent,
but yearning to tell
every secret they remember.

Feeling so depressed
and living with the hurt
I never knew existed.
Beating myself up
over every little thing
and never having fun.

A poor body image,
yet self-confident,
so confused to the core.
Hormones racing
without direction.
Fear taking over
the numbness in my heart.

Misguided by others,
screaming from my soul,
“They must be lying.”
Well-intentioned and good,
but it was wrong for me,
I needed so much more.

Deep and reflective,
meditating in solitude
I felt nothing.
So much was missing
from their words.
I felt betrayed and disconnected.
They never felt like friends
in the way they meant to.
The walls speak these truths.
They have heard the lies.
Scars have healed.
But they still remember.

Image Credit: Kevin Rosseel

Copyright 2012 Tanya Weitzel