Parenting Humor with Lisa Barker

Parenting Humor with
Lisa Barker

Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane Doesn't Mean You Are a Bad Parent! by Lisa Barker

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Lisa Barker writes from home amid the chaos and confusion of a busy household. A mom to five kids and nine cats, she uses the "Bloom Where God Plants You" Rule of Faith and has more than enough material to keep the grins and chuckles coming. Read more from Lisa at JellyMom.com--Parenting humor to help preserve your sanity!

Easter Surprises
© Lisa Barker

I can't believe that Easter is here already! How fast has it arrived?! I'll tell you how fast. There's not an egg in the house and the kids are all expecting to paint eggs tomorrow.

"Mom, this is an apple."

"And it's a GOOD apple, let me tell you. Here just peel it. The food dye will stick to it better that way."

"I don't want to paint an apple!"

Meanwhile, the four-year-old is happily munching her blue Easter Apple.

"Ew, Mommmm! Becca's lips and tongue are all blue."

"Well, who put the dye straight on the egg--I mean apple? You're supposed to mix it with water and vinegar first."

"Can't we just dip them in caramel?" one of the ten-year-olds ask.

"That's for Halloween, dummy."

"Mom, John Daniel called me a dummy!"

And so it begins. Another holiday hits us faster than a train can wreck a port-a-potty on the back of a bus. And somehow I feel like I'm in that port-a-potty and not quite ready to face the world.

Where did all the time go? They just started their Spring break and before I know it the whole vacation is sprung. It doesn't help that half the kids are home this week and the other half are home the next week. Why aren't schools in sync?

I'll tell you why. The home-schooling moms are giving them some real competition, so the schools are getting even by changing the dates all around. If they confuse enough moms, those moms will never believe they have what it takes to teach their kids at home.

I know I don't. Today was one of those days that I prayed the two youngest, still years away from starting school fulltime, would suddenly speak in complete sentences and demand to start kindergarten.

But that time will come too quickly and I'll be tearfully reminiscing over the years I will never have back. Years where I cuddled and snuggled with my little ones...in my dreams.

Every try to type in a hailstorm of pastel colored apples? "All right, who painted the cat's tail?"

Easter - a time of renewal. A time of renewing the vow to never again fall for the sexy way my husband wiggles his eyebrows. When I'm neck deep in newspaper soaked in vinegar and I'm frantically sopping up the bowl of egg dye that was spilled I'm absolutely certain that I will never offer more than a firm handshake to my better half.

I mean look at what a few little hugs created. They stand there all in a row, sorry little faces all of them, cheeks speckled like robin's eggs. What do you know, Becca's tongue IS blue and a pretty darn deep shade at that! "What did she do, swallow the bottle of blue food
coloring?"

The older children crowd around the smallest and encourage him to approach me. He grins and holds out a folded piece of construction paper, mottled with egg dye. What's this?

"Dere Mom, We love you verry much. XXXXX OOOOO"

Does it matter if the basket is full of painted apples? You bet it doesn't.

Copyright 2006, Lisa Barker
4/24/06

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Amazing Grace for Mothers
Amazing Grace for Mothers will lift your heart and send your spirit soaring. You will laugh, you will cry, but most of all you will refresh your mothering through stories of love, inspiration, miracles, and God’s amazing grace. This collection of 101 stories will bring you the warmth and support of other women, all dedicated to the same glorious role—motherhood.

Book Club
A Mother's Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul
by Holly Pierlot

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For more fun with Lisa Barker, visit www.JellyMom.com