Being Your Kids’ P.A.R.A.

Being a P.A.R.A. means 1) Paying Attention, 2) Responding, and 3) Arranging; it’s the Mary at the Wedding of Cana approach to relationships.  The story about my daughter’s gymnastics team experience delivers on my promise for real examples.

The coach of the East YMCA Flyers gymnastics team approached Gianna two years ago to be on the team.  Unwilling to be a gymnastics widow, I loved the East Y’s balanced approach to competitive gymnastics: reasonable hours in the gym minimizing time away from family and family meals, super affordable rates, and the encouragement of the girls to work smart to be the best they can be without the stress of Olympic-bound kids’ sports philosophy.

Gianna beamed her first year.  Her scores gradually improved with each meet, and she loved the family’s attention on her during her competitions.  As the season progressed  though, the competition got tougher.  Moving towards the State Gymnastics competition practices became more serious as the coaches critiqued the girls more to perfect their routines. Gianna’s used to doing things well and being the top dog; being towards the bottom of the heap left her uncomfortable.

The intensity combined with consequences of Gianna’s shyness mounted.  Being more timid Gianna had not reached out to get to know the other girls.  Overtime, their unfamiliarity became awkward.

She wanted to quit.

My gut told me she wanted to quit for the wrong reasons. We compromised with an agreement to take a break over the summer.  When fall came again she was eager to get back to gymnastics.

The next year was a repeat of the first with the addition of the fact that for months during the tough part of the gymnastics season we had neglected having Gianna’s friends over to the house.  She was feeling disconnected socially at school and at gymnastics.  I realize all kids need to have friends on their own turf, particularly shy ones.

Paying attention to the root problem—Gianna’s shyness and consequent social problems and her perfectionism—I immediately ramped up the play dates.  Within a month there was no real talk of dumping gymnastics, Gianna had her confidence back, and she was willing to work through the emotions of competing without letting it tear her down.

Copyright 2013 Christina M. Weber

Summer Break Survival Guide

Summer break is just around the corner or has already started for some. While I’m thankful for the upcoming rest from the business of school and I look forward to some extra time with the kids, part of me can’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought of all the kids being home….together…in the same house…for weeks at a time…without any schedule.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate.

Ok, I’m back. In order to prevent mass chaos, shouting matches, and additional panic attacks, I decided to make a Summer Break Survival Guide for our family.

1. Make a Plan

• Ok, I know “plans” are merely a figment of my hopeful imagination and that they don’t really exist. Still, I’m going to lay out at least an “idea” of how I would like our summer break to go. A good friend of mine always suggests starting out with low expectations and then maybe you’ll be happily surprised when these “plans” exceed those.
• Our plan actually consists of a word collage of our favorite things about summer. I print it out and stick it on our fridge for daily inspiration.
• Routine – Schedules are good for schools; loose routines are more realistic for home life. Set up a very basic daily routine, allowing room for flexibility so you can add or take away activities on top of the basic “foundation”. Here’s an example: Wake up. Eat. Chores. Play. Eat. Rest Time. Eat. Chores. Sleep. Repeat.

2. Activities

• “Sit still and be nice to each other” is a foreign concept to my children. It’s not in their nature. Our school kids are used to following a schedule full of activities and work during the school year while our younger kids at home are used to their own play time and activities at home. When left to their own whims, my children choose to see how far under each other’s skin they can go for entertainment. Participating in some special summer activities not only keeps them from killing each other, it can also keep their brains and muscles from turning into slushies over the summer. Most cities and towns, and even your own parish, offer various summer activities, programs and camps that can be both fun and educational.

3. Down Time

• Warning: Do not overdose on summer activities. Too many scheduled activities is likely to cause severe summer burn – out, resulting in extreme chaos, stress, and tears from all involved. Remember this is summer break – not the third semester of school. Everyone – kids and parents – need time to just…be. There are enough summer activities offered to fill up an entire summer and then some. If I signed up for all of them I might as well sell our house, live in our car, and never see my kids. When registering for camps or other programs pick a few, one, or none and make up your own activities. Or schedule your activities in the morning leaving room for a quieter afternoon of relaxing by the cool pool or under a tree with a delicious book.

4. Chores

• Between all the activities and relaxing, there’s still work to be done. Yes, the kids will gripe but teaching these youngsters the value of hard work and responsibility is a vital lesson of life. Use charts, stickers, and/or skittles to help motivate everyone to do their part and hopefully you’ll survive the summer with your house still in one piece.

5. Make a summer toolbox

• Get a few boxes or baskets and fill them with special “summer break” items the kids can go to when they are “bored”. Suggested items: Books, books, books! Take a tour of your local libraries or bookstores for some new additions to your current book collection for some fun summer reading. Coloring books, play dough, lacing and card games, paints and other crafty items are good boredom busters also. I recently raided the $1 bins at Target and came up with some water toys and other summer fun treasures. I’d be surprised if we made it through the summer without losing or breaking some of these but at least I only paid $1 for them. Check our garage sales for new-to-you puzzles and board games – you’d be surprised what treasures you can find. If in doubt, grab the swimsuits and goggles, turn on the sprinklers or fill up some big tubs with water for hours of fun.

6. Lastly, but most importantly, PRAY. While we take a break from the normal school year routines, continue with your current prayer habits. Keep it simple and make sure you carve out prayer time at least once a day for yourself and as a family. Even if it’s just a quick Morning Offering, attending a daily Mass once a week, or sending up random aspirations or desperate calls for help – don’t forget to pray and keep Christ at the center of all your summer activities.

Copyright 2013 Erika Marie

May is a great month, dedicated to our Mother Mary and honoring all moms with Mother’s Day. Spring has sprung….and what better time to fill the house with flowers while saying the prayers of the Rosary!?

I really liked Alicia’s post on A Spiritual Bouquet Card Craft last week…and I also have a Spiritual Bouquet craft encouraging families to pray the Rosary as a special gift for loved ones.

My kids love crafts. When my first daughter (Emily) was a toddler, we made Rosary Spiritual Bouquet flowers…with each petal, leaf or stem representing a different prayer of one decade of the Rosary. She loved crafts and the flower pieces helped her keep track of the Hail Mary prayers! Making Spiritual Bouquets with my eldest…was B.B. (before blogging!) but I do have pictures of Spiritual Bouquet-making with my youngest daughter (Bridget) last year!

Emily (@ 2 and a half!) would endlessly say decades of the rosary as we constructed the colorful flowers. At that point, I cut the pieces, but she had free reign over the gluing. We made some special looking flowers…and Grandma loved them, especially when she discovered that we were saying those Our Fathers, Hail Marys, Glory Be’s and Fatima prayers…just for her!

Here’s a quick reminder how to say the Rosary.

We ended up turning that little craft into a popular Cathletics Craft Kit with B&W templates of the flowers, with all the prayers printed on the petals and leaves.

It’s called the Spiritual Bouquet of Prayer Petal Flowers

My youngest daughter is pretty good with scissors too …and loves to do crafts!
We share the praying part, alternating the first and second parts of the Our Father and the Hail Mary… especially while the scissors are involved.

Over time, we added more features to our Spiritual Bouquet Cathletics Craft Kit…like extra clipart for that special card for Grandma. (It explains the concept of the Catholic tradition of Spiritual Bouquets.)  We also created the flower and clipart based on the Divine Mercy Chaplet…and we were so happy to include it within the kit. Here’s a quick reference for saying the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Now, we have added even more to the Spiritual Bouquet of Prayer Petal Flowers Cathletics Craft Kit including one-page Rosary and Divine Mercy coloring pages and a template to make a giant wall garland with all 20 Mysteries of the Rosary!

Happy Month of May!

Copyright 2013 Monica McConkey

“I’m not that interested in ‘mass’ communications. I’m much more interested in what happens between this person and the one person watching. The space between the television set and that person who’s watching is very holy ground.”

Social Media in the Marriage and Family

The traditional family unit has been negatively hit from so many directions in our world in recent times.  Now state and federal courts are, at a few homosexuals’ constant and indignant urgings, adding to the destruction of the traditional and healthy institution of marriage by passing legislation redefining marriage to allow same-sex couples to enter this institution.  It completely shocks and amazes me how these educated and elected individuals can be party to the destruction of the central and so necessary human structure.  But, alas, the members of traditional marriage have sadly and selfishly been part of the destruction of marriage, too with spousal abuse, divorce, and infidelity. How can we possibly protect marriage when many of our own members do not seem to respect it.

Now, enter social media, the smartphone and all the other electronic hand-held gadgets that are supposedly making our lives more organized. Calendars, memo pads, apps out the ying-yang, games, exercise videos, the list goes on at the touch of a button in your hand.  You can look up information in a split second, order books, tickets, reservations, check the weather, find your way through town, and play games online with people you don’t know all at the press of a button or a call out to Siri.  Convenient and simple, eh?  Distracting?  Maybe, depending on who you ask.  Some say that modern technology has made our lives more complicated rather than organized and less stressed.  How much information from the information highway does one need in a 24-hour period?

In all the talks and articles I’ve read, mainly they involve controlling or monitoring the children and young people in the family.  Important as that is, however, the marriage has been affected by online activities as well.  Now we have new friends, old acquaintances, school chums from way back, and even co-workers included in our lives at a more familiar level.  Anyone of these “friends” can be contacted quickly and frequently without too much effort.  So now, not only the children, but married couples are involved in separate and, very often unknown to each other, online communities and friendships. According to an article I read on Psych Central.com, many attorneys search Facebook primarily for infidelity evidence and inappropriate behavior meriting the onset of a divorce.

Physical affairs are one thing, but what might catch us off guard is the emotional affairs that take place online….innocent, right??  NO!  We are learning more and more about emotional affairs having an impact on today’s marriages and relationships on a very negative level.  At neck-breaking speed, we can be “with” someone emotionally online and not think badly of it…..it’s just talking, right?  No, it’s investing time away from the spouse, being more intimate emotionally with another and that will take it’s toll on the relationship, by becoming physical eventually.  I, personally, have seen this happen to a few friends, it is devastating!

So, how do we combat this new invader?  By setting up online rules that both spouses will agree to.

• Trust is essential for good and healthy relationships, but once broken, it’s extremely difficult to regain.  By having all passwords available to each other, this can really help keep things up and up with each other.
• Use best judgment in “friend” selections.  People you probably shouldn’t be friends with online are unmarried friends and co-workers, really though, why do you want coworkers as friends anyway, you work with them….give it a rest off hours!
• Have a “off-line” time with family….turn the phone and computer off at night…..enjoy the people you are with!   Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI talked about online evangelization, but that our online activities should not REPLACE our face to face relationships!
• and of course, be considerate of your spouse; if there is someone they are not comfortable with you being friends with online, by all means, respect their wishes don’t friend them.  No explanation is necessary, but if there is, you are married or in a relationship!

On a positive and personal note, my knight and I live far from family and Facebook has been great for us to catch up with those we love.  Now we’re connected with family members we don’t get to see but once a year, even from his cousin in Germany, how fun is that??  We both have iPhones and have learned to text via the teens in the house, so we use our phones to check in and text throughout the day, “Hope your day is going well, love you!”  He’s silly and sends me pictures of his lunch so I know what NOT to make for dinner…..and I usually get a heart and “hows your day going?   It’s a good feeling that we can use online and smartphones to our advantage in a good way.

The most important thing in the world is your family, without them, life isn’t quite fulfilling, and we need to protect the traditional institution of marriage for our family, our society, and our future.  Our online activity should reflect our priorities.  There’s a great deal of great stuff online, but there is also a great deal of evil.  Keep your shields up and profiles low.

Copyright 2013 Ebeth Weidner

Journey Toward the Sacraments

Press suit. Check. Shine black dress shoes. Check. Purchase white satin tie and arm band. Check. Cut hair, charge camera batteries. Check and check. Stock up on paper goods, plan menu, order cake, boutonniere and balloons. Check, check and check.

Plant, weed and generally beautify yard after a long and dormant winter. Check. (Okay, this one is still ongoing….)

‘Tis the season?   No, not that season…the favored season among many, which generates lists, traditions and rich memories as well… The sacramental season:  When grace and mercy are amply bestowed by our loving Father upon first communicants and confirmandi throughout dioceses across America.

The season of photos  capturing grace filled moments of the conferring of the sacrament, which will undoubtedly decorate shelves in lovely frames for posterity. The season of when family members enjoy the camaraderie of the cooking, the baking, the decorating, the general preparing. And yes, the season when Moms and Dads of these blessed first communicants and confirmandi stress and generally place importance on the unimportant…..or the not-as-important.

As the Mom of a little one on the brink of receiving sacramental graces, I am certainly ‘guilty’ of, shall we say, overaccentuating the, well…… the fluff.  Not that a little organization isn’t helpful when it comes to the shade of blue with which your little First Communicant’s gift is beribboned; the style of cutlery… (clear or white?) with which your guests enjoy the celebratory meal; the agonizingly oh-so-exact placement of your child’s photo on the invitation; the labeling of the coffee urns as ‘decaf’ and ‘caffeinated’ or the….. Wait; did I say ‘organized’? Hmm, what I really mean is …. well, overboard.

How about a revised “to do” list? One that is actually meaningful in the deeper context of the awe inspiring sacraments about to be received by our children and one which may inspire all of us as parents and catechists to a deeper understanding of the sacramental graces?

Lately, in our homeschool, I have chosen to pare down and subscribe to the ‘less is more’ ideology.  Overextending into many resources with hope that marinating the kids in sheer volume…well, that  tends to be counterproductive for them, as well as for me.

Discussion around just a few literary jewels that truly speak to us.

Time carved out for deep, thoughtful conersations.

Writing and projects around a few classic pieces of literature or a few aptly chosen parables from the Bible.

Praying the Rosary… we are all well aware that it is the source through which abundant graces are received.

So, yes, well within my Mom ‘job description’ is directing my family’s minutiae….the essential and the extraneous.  I am blessed to be living this vocation of Motherhood and recognize the immense requisite of micromanagement expertise daily granted me by our Lord.

While the preparation for The Big Day will remain paramount on my to-do list, I will say with conviction that what-does-not-get-done will be forgotten as my husband and I witness perfection in our son’s receiving of the Sacrament on That Day.

Copyright 2013 Christine Capolino

Is “pure fashion” an oxymoron?

Modesty is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, an outward sign of God working within us.  As with other fruits like patience and charity, modesty is manifested in what we do — in our works, the actions we seek to perform that help us recognize the presence of God.  It’s not always easy.

Anyone who strives for modesty and also has a daughter over size 6X will lament with me the lack of appropriate clothing choices at most mainstream shopping venues.  You see, I adhere to the sensible modesty guidelines set forth by Pure Fashion.  Most retailers do not.

I discovered Pure Fashion when my oldest daughter was five.  As we began to venture into the size 7 – 16 clothing section, I was relieved to have found practical guidelines that other Catholic moms use with their daughters.  Pure Fashion’s emphasis on modest clothing is a huge step in the right direction for our culture, and accolades for developing a system for clothing selection are well deserved.

But as I gained more exposure to the organization, I realized that the “fashion” aspect showcased at its events showed an incomplete understanding of the multi-faceted virtue of modesty.  A girl on a catwalk, no matter how pristinely clad, is still a girl on a catwalk—expecting eyes centered on her, seeking the attention of the crowd, and imitating an industry that emphasizes appearance as the sole measure of a thereby disordered femininity.

While Pure Fashion aims to teach girls to be poised, graceful, and confident, they do so through modeling.  Poise and grace do not celebrate self.  They are humble.  And as Catholic women, we should beware the phrase “self confidence.”  Our confidence, the “bold confidence” of the Little Way of St. Therese, should remain solely in Him.

There is much to like about the Pure Fashion philosophy and its desire to teach girls to value modesty in dress.  Adult leaders explain modesty as it reflects on the dignity of the human person using the CCC as a resource.  But the program’s final celebration, the fashion show, reflects an emphasis on a narrow definition of modesty.  Modesty as a virtue is much larger than clothing selection.

Fashion, by its very nature, is of this world.  Without extensively defining the virtue of purity here, to me the phrase “pure fashion” seems an oxymoron.

Copyright 2013 Sharon Rayner

My reading time is suffering TREMENDOUSLY from an attack of the killer cute. Consider:

And then I have THIS:

Don’t worry, y’all. I’m not giving up the reading, even though they’re conspiring to try to eat my homework.

Recent Reads

21 Ways to Worship: A Guide to Eucharistic Adoration, by Vinny Flynn (MercySong/Ignatius, 2012)

My rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Why yes, I was rather reluctant to read this one. That makes the awesomesauce that this book was even sweeter. I thought I knew the tone it would have and the attitude of eye-rolling it would inspire in me. I was, in fact, convinced I would have to work to write a favorable review.

In this book, Flynn brilliantly and concisely makes a case, not just for Adoration, not just for a deeper prayer life, not just for a gimmick-style Christian life, but for an approach to really living and transforming your life through small actions. Call it prayer, call it worship, call it Adoration: it is, at the root of it, encouragement for those of us who struggle, for those of us who juggle unsuccessfully, for those of us who wonder if what we’re doing is ever enough.

There’s no “Catholic lite” in this book, just a toolbox packed with approaches, ideas, and sincere devotion. You won’t be able to help changing your life as you read this book. Mine’s already better. I can’t wait to read it again.

Current Reads

Strange Gods: Unmasking the Idols in Everyday Life, by Elizabeth Scalia (Ave Maria Press, 2013)

What’s not to love? I’m only partway through the acknowledgements, which are a who’s-who of Catholic bloggers and writers, but I’m already hooked. I heard Scalia on a recent episode of Catholic Weekend and, had it not been for the fact that I was baling my crazy-grass-growing yard for something like the fifth time that week, I would have stopped everything to start reading.

A Method to the Madness: A Guide to the Super Evil, by Jeffrey Hite (Five Rivers Chapmanry, 2013, fiction)

I should be done with this book already! Except…except that it’s MAY. And you know what THAT means, right? It means…well, yeah, I have excuses and dirt under my toenails and grimy kids and mowing to do and…and…and… The more I read of this book, the more I love it. Next week, I will have more to say under the “I’m done with it now” category.

On Heaven and Earth: Pope Francis on Faith, Family, and the Church in the Twenty-First Century, by Jorge Bergoglio (Pope Francis) & Abraham Skorka (Image Books, 2013)

On the one hand, this is a great book to read in small chunks. It’s spiritual reading with a conversational tone (because it’s really a conversation). On the other hand, I want to just…keep…reading. Good, good, GOOOOOOOD stuff.

What have YOU been reading lately?

*Are you on Goodreads? I’ll see you there!

Curious about what my ratings mean? Here’s an explanation of what the stars mean to me.

Be sure to check out our Book Notes archive.

Copyright 2013, Sarah Reinhard

31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator

Editor’s note: Today, we congratulate our fellow CatholicMom.com contributor Jared Dees on the launch of his fantastic new book 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator.  Since every Catholic parent is the primary religion teacher for his or her children, this is a book that belongs in every Catholic home. It would also make the perfect “end of the school year” thank you gift for every Catholic teacher in your life. Kudos Jared! LMH

Last weekend my wife and I were given a compliment we really needed to hear. After Mass one of the older couples that dares to sit near the Dees family told us that our two year old has been acting so much better at Mass.

It was like a weight had been lifted off of my heart. We had been trying so hard to motivate her to settle down during Mass for at least a year.

About four or five weeks ago, it came to a breaking point.

We participated in an evening Mass that was horrendous. Now granted, it was the Saturday vigil and it threw off our dinner schedule, but it is no excuse for the behavior she displayed. We spent most of the Mass in the crying room, but eventually it got to the point that she was so bad I couldn’t even bear to distract the moms, dads, and children who were trying to keep their own little ones quiet!

Thankfully, we had driven two cars to church that night. After Mass, I told my wife, “I got this.”

In the car, that daughter of mine knew she had something coming. I was so angry; I felt like ripping her head off–I mean really screaming at her.

Instead, I followed a simple format for the conversation that I’ll share momentarily. I was stern. I was clear and she was sorry. She also remembered the conversation next time we went to Mass. I’m not saying I solved the mystery. We’ve still had to take her to the back of church since that night, but she clearly tried a lot harder after our conversation. Maybe she’s just a month older and naturally settled down, but I like to think that our talk was a turning point for us.

What Motivates Children to Do What’s Hard?

It really isn’t her fault. When you see children acting out in Mass, don’t blame the parents and have pity on the child. Sitting still and listening for an hour is not a skill they are born with. They have the attention span of two minutes, max. They are still learning the correct behavior in church.

But how do you motivate even a toddler to develop skills beyond their current abilities? I agree with educational psychologist, Carol Dweck, who says that it part of the challenge comes down to mindset.

According to Dweck’s research, we can have two types of perceptions on life: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Those with a fixed mindset see success or failure as something unavoidable and as a consequence of intelligence or age. Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, see success and failure as opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and change.

How do you cultivate a growth mindset? Try mixing in positive feedback with constructive criticism. The more a young person believes in herself, the more she will feel she has the capability to overcome the challenges in her future.

To do this I like to use the Sandwich Approach, a technique I learned while working for the sports education program at the University of Notre Dame called Play Like A Champion Today. It is also the technique I used to control my anger with my daughter after Mass that day when we had hit our breaking point.

Using the Sandwich Approach to Motivate Children

Traditionally, a sandwich has two pieces of bread with something in the middle like meat, peanut butter and jelly, or, my personal favorite, Nutella.

The sandwich approach to giving positive feedback looks like this:

• Positive Compliment
• Constructive Criticism
• Positive Encouragement

In each instance, we state something specific and believable. We compliment a child on something they know they’ve done well or mastered. It reinforces the idea that they have the ability to do something even when it is hard.

The constructive criticism is the feedback on what they did wrong, but also what they should do instead. Here we don’t tell our children that they are “bad” or even that they are “a bad listener.” We focus on the behavior, which we know can change. We don’t tell our kids what they are as if it were a life sentence, but tell them what they did and what they should do differently.

Finally, we end with a word of positive encouragement to share our confidence that they can overcome this particular challenge and make a change in the future.

An Example of the Sandwich Approach

Here is how my conversation with my daughter went after Mass that day:

“That behavior was unacceptable and I am very disappointed. 

There were two times during Mass when you were listening and singing. When we stood up for the Alleluia, it made me very happy to hear you sign a long. And after communion, I was glad to see you said your prayers. (Positive Compliment) 

But the way you behaved during the readings and when Father was saying the prayers at the altar today was completely unacceptable. You know that we sit on our bottoms during Mass and we listen and watch. We do not get out of our seats. We do not crawl on the ground. We do not whine and cry. We sit on our bottoms and listen quietly. When it is time to sing, we sing together. But we do not get up out of our seats. (Constructive Criticism) 

Now, I know you can do a better job next time. At home you do a great job praying before dinners. Jesus really appreciates when you say your prayers like that. If you can do it at home, I know you can do it in church.” (Positive Encouragement) 

The tone I took while saying all this was unlike anything she had heard me take before. I said a lot more, but this was the basic structure. She felt very sorry. The car ride home was completely silent, except for one moment about two minutes from our house when she said, “Sorry Daddy.” She even apologized to my wife when we got home. And most importantly, she remembered what I had said the next week at Mass.

Like I mentioned, it may be that she’s just a little bit older now. It may be that she’s got a better attention span now than she did a few weeks ago. But neither she nor I feel that bad behavior at mass is just a result of her personality, genetics, or age. She’s not doomed to misbehaving at masses. She can get better and she has gotten better.

How do you make sure improvement is possible?

It’s all about the mindset–a mindset that is formed by the way we give our children feedback. Think positive even when you’re angry.

This article is an adaptation of the principles in the exercise in Day 18 of 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator: “Day 18: Practice Giving Positive, Constructive Feedback.” 

Jared Dees is the creator of The Religion Teacher, a website offering practical resources and teaching strategies for religious educators, and the author of the new book 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator. Jared works in digital publishing at Ave Maria Press managing websites like Together for Life Online and thinking strategically about various forms of media including eBooks, eTextbooks, webinars, websites, and social media. 

Order 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Copyright 2013 Jared Dees

Here are two apps we’ve enjoyed using together recently.

Note: my reviews are based on the iPad version of these apps. I do NOT have iOS 6.0 because I’m still on the original iPad. Both of these apps work just fine on it, which makes me love them even more. I used the screenshots that are available from iTunes, in part because I couldn’t pry my iPad away from the short people on the day I was writing this review.

Patron Saints

By Our Sunday Visitor; Available for iOS (99-cents); Official Website

This came out as one of three saints-related apps Our Sunday Visitor released a few months ago. (The other two are set up similarly to this one and have been reviewed here at Tech Talk.)

I love that this draws from a database of over 1000 saints and is based on The Encyclopedia of Catholic History, Revised. With all the information that’s available, this is information I can trust.

That, and you can do some really cool Catholic geekiness with it.

We went through and found out who the patron saint of horses was (there were at least four!) and then ran through birthdays of people we knew (ourselves included).

When I hear that someone’s having a baby (or their due date), I make sure to check out potential patrons. (I also use the calendar function at Saints.SQPN.com for this purpose.)

And hey, opening the app to a beautiful image of the saint of the day isn’t bad either.

This is one of those Catholic must-have apps, and it’s also an easy way to familiarize yourself with the huge family we have in heaven.

Saint of the Day for Kids

By Cary Molyneux; Available for iOS (99-cents); Official Website

This is an app that has “genius” written all over it. For my love-to-color gang, printing pictures of the saints is a win on a lot of levels. The summary bios are appropriately written, too.

However, this app comes with a warning (and this should be proof that I’m unbiased): there’s some weird in-app purchasing options. I keep meaning to write a rant about that, and I was largely disappointed by that. The developer 

That said, I paid the in-app option to have it unlocked, because my eight-year-old was LOVING IT so much! When you unlock it, you can move around to whatever day you want on the calendar, and that allowed us to print copies of saints for, you know, every day of the year.

Note: the early version I tested had an in-app purchase option, but it turns out I’m not the only one who was disappointed by that. The latest version, which should be available yet this week in iTunes, will cost $2 up-front, instead of 99-cents and then another 99-cents in-app.

You can look for saints alphabetically too:

And if you’re like us, you have favorites you want to be able to find again.

Overall, we’re happy with this app. I highly recommend it and even more now that the “hidden cost” has been updated..

Read more of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Sarah Reinhard

“Take Five for Faith” is a new, FREE Android app from Truequest Communications. It provides daily spiritual reflections as well as links to daily scripture readings and social networks.  If you feel your phone is already jam-packed or are looking for a new email devotion – this is also available as an email through the Take Five for Faith website.

I love the tag line on the opening screen: “Daily Renewal for Busy Catholics”!   Almost all of us, at one point or another, can relate with being busy … be it as mom, dad, employee, daughter, Catholic!

The daily reflections are in-depth and spiritually rich but not so long as to feel burdensome. 

Maybe you are like me and share that feeling you get when you open a piece of spiritual reading, and you know it’s going to be wonderful but you just don’t have the time you want to give it, so instead of reading what you can, you just close it or save it ‘for another time’ (which never comes).

When I opened this app, I thought, “Okay, if I’m in a line at the bank or waiting for my kid at dance class, I can so read this!”  Everything at this time in my life is measured by what I can do between doing something for others – and while I do make time for myself, I just feel that in my vocation of mother that more often than not, I put my “doing” on hold to serve others.  I don’t neglect my spiritual well-being, as that would not be prudent, but I have to choose those things that can reasonably fill it in the time I have available.

The main page consists of:

• The Current Date
• A Daily Reflection
• List of Today’s Readings
• Quote from the Readings
• Links to Social Network outlets (Twitter, Facebook) as well as the USCCB

Other features:

Search allows you to navigate through past and present reflections and articles by any keyword.

Buttons existed on the app for “Archive” and “More” but they were not working on the current version for Android.  It is a fairly new release, and I’m sure updates and fixes will be out soon. You can access the archives through the search feature.

Even without all the features in full function, this is a fantastic, worthwhile download.  I highly recommend the “Take Five for Faith” Android app.

Read more of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Allison Gingras

This month’s Year of Faith is listed on the USCCB Saints for the Year of Faith.

The month of May is dedicated to Saint Josef Damien De Veuster.

St Josef Damien De Veuster was born in Belgium on January 3, 1840. He changed his name to Damien in 1859 when he began his initiative with the congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary. He prayed every day to be sent on a mission. In 1863 his brother was scheduled to go on a mission to Hawaii, he got sick and couldn’t go. Damien got permission and took his place. He landed in Honolulu on March 19, 1864. Tow days later he was ordained as a priest.

During his mission there was an epidemic of Leprosy. The Hawaiian government thought it was an incurable disease and decided to quarantine anyone infected by deporting them to the neighboring island of Molokai The whole mission was worried about the abandoned lepers. The bishop felt sure that they needed a priest, but didn’t want to send them knowing that it would be a death sentence. So all four brothers volunteered and Damien was the first to go. He left for Kalaupapa on May 10, 1873.

Damien remained on Molokai for 16 years. He died on April 15, 1889. He was 49 years old.

His remains were exhumed in 1936 and sent to a crypt in the Church of the Congregation of the Sacred hearts oat Louvain.

Damien De Veuster was canonized on October 11, 2009.

Hawaiian Chicken Kabobs

3 tablespoons soy sauce
3 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons pineapple juice
2 tablespoons sherry
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1/4 teaspoon ginger
6 boneless skinless chicken breast cut into 2 inch pieces
Bamboo skewers

In a shallow 13 x 9 dish soak skewers in water for about 1/2 hour. Meanwhile in a ziplock bag combine soy, brown sugar, pineapple juice, sherry, oil and ginger. Add chicken breasts and mix well. Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours overnight is best.

Preheat broiler to high. Broil chicken for 10-15 minutes turning occasionally until chicken is golden brown and juices run clear.

Peace be with you,

Veronica

Copyright 2013 Veronica Gantley

Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood

I’d like to thank Brian Caulfield, Editor and Author of Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood for sharing the following information about this terrific new book.  With Father’s Day approaching, this seems like the perfect time to pre-order a book for the favorite father in your life! LMH

About this Book:

The identity and purpose of fathers in contemporary society is more uncertain than ever before. Cultural shifts such as rising rates of divorce and single motherhood, conception through sperm donation and in-vitro fertilization, and the educational and professional advancements of women have confused traditional paternal roles and family unit structures. As a result, a perception has been created whereby fatherhood is undervalued…or altogether unnecessary. But this perception is misguided-especially for Catholic fathers who are vital to supporting the structure of the family unit: the “domestic church.”

In this collection of faith-filled reflections by fourteen Catholic men, the value of a Catholic father’s identity and purpose is affirmed in the context of modern society. Acknowledging our workaholic tendencies and the constant struggle to strike a balance between family life and work life, fathers are provided with a realistic approach to making their relationships with God, their wives, and children more involved and fulfilling.

Blending personal anecdotes from Catholic fathers, models of fatherhood in Jesus’ parables, Scriptural passages, references to other publications, and allusions to Church teachings and figures of authority, this guidebook helps Catholic dads find the path to living as faithful family men through three simple steps: pray, love, confess.
Table of Contents:

• Foreword by Cardinal Timothy Michael Dolan
• Introduction: Dads in Deed, by Brian Caulfield
• 1: The Prodigal Son Meets the Forgiving Father, by Mike Aquilina
• 2: St. Joseph: A Man’s Man, by Rick Sarkisian
• 3: Balancing Work and Home Life: Insights from the Experts, by Brian Caulfield
• 4: Five Steps for Disciplining Kids, by Ray Guarendi
• 5: Good Sports for Kids, by Gerald Korson
• 6: A Father’s Vital Presence, by Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers
• 7: The Best Sex You Will Ever Have, by Jonathan Doyle
• 8: Theology of the Body for Fathers, by Damon C. Owens
• 9: Millennials, Morality, and New Evangelization, by Jason Godin
• 10: Superdad: More Than an Action Figure, by Bill Donaghy
• 11: You Can Keep Your Kids Catholic, by Patrick Madrid
• 12: Repairing a Broken Marriage, by Peter Kleponis
• 13: Breaking the Chains of Porn, by Mark Houck
• Conclusion: Three Simple Steps, by Brian Caulfield

Pre-order Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Visit our Book Notes archives

Copyright 2013 Lisa M. Hendey

Prayer for Gifts of the Holy Spirit for Mothers

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the Holy Spirit. These include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control. It seems that as mothers, we can use an extra helping of each of these.

Dear Holy Spirit,

Please help me to love my children even when it is hard: when it is 2 a.m. and the baby is crying, or the two-year old is having a tantrum, when the six-year old is telling me he hates me, or when the teenager has just slammed the door for the 167th time.

Please help me to have joy in the little moments. Please help me to appreciate the smiles and fun that my children have, to rejoice in the small gifts that come my day amidst the hard work of parenting.

Please grant me the gift of peace, peace in my heart even when the whole world around me seems to be in turmoil. Help me extend that peace to my children so that they can grow up knowing that peace, not violence, is the answer.

Please help me to have patience, patience, and more patience. I can always use more! And when that supply is used up, please help me to find just a little bit extra.

Please help me to treat my children, and all those whom I meet, with kindness. Let my children know by my example that kindness can change the world.

Please help me to be good. My children’s eyes are always upon me, and my actions speak much louder than my words. Help me to be a good example to help them learn how to live.

Please grant me the gift of trustworthiness. Help me to be a person of my word, to say what I mean and mean what I say. Help me to honor my commitments and keep my children’s confidences.

Please help me to be gentle with my children’s hearts. Help me to remember what it was like to be a child. Help me to offer all the support and healing to them that I can.

Lastly, please assist me with my self-control. Help me to keep my desires and weaknesses in check. Help me to put my children first. Help me to be the best mom that I can be.

I ask this through the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen

Copyright 2013 Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur

A

Aren’t we great?

Always running around serving,

Acting like a combination of Martha and Mary.

A+ Mums, right?

Think again.

When we refuse to give up control, we shut out the power of the Holy Spirit. In fact we end up acting just like vacuum cleaners when it is God’s job to purify our family in His power, mercy and grace. He needs us to simply be conduits of his Love. It is by Christ’s suffering that mothers and their families are healed, not by the mother acting like the sacrificial lamb or the scapegoat of the Old Testament.

Isaiah 53:5

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

As a mother, I am wired to work emotionally just like a vacuum cleaner,sucking up all my children’s pain. Likewise, my children are compassionate vacuum cleaners as well, who attract other people’s negative emotions. They are all aware that they learned this dysfunctional behaviour not only from observing Michael and me in action but also because they have inherited this trait from both of us.

This problem, The Vacuum Cleaner Syndrome, is a difficult disease to cure. As my daughter and fellow vacuum cleaner, Katie, asked during a family discussion,

“How can one vacuum cleaner help another vacuum cleaner?”

Four of us around the circle smiled and laughed at the image.

Then I blurted out, “Why, show the other vacuum how to reverse the hose and blow out the dirt, and not suck it in and collect it.”

That comment released waves of uncontrollable laughter that actually did blast clean air through all of us.

Compassion and empathy are vital in close relationships but my tendency is to try to fix my husband and kids by hoarding their pain within my heart.

Do my seemingly selfless reactions weigh me down?

YES.

Is anyone fixed or set free as I sacrifice my peace and happiness to try to help my family?

NO.

Does this Vacuum Cleaner Syndrome destroy every one’s peace and joy?

YES.

The good news is that a silly image that pictures mum as a vacuum cleaner does reverse this self-defeating, addictive pattern because it makes it easier for everyone to understand how ludicrous I have been. The laughter that follows releases the tension used to keep emotional pain locked up inside.

Jesus is the only vacuum cleaner who has the ability to literally suck up every one’s emotional pain, sin etc. and then blow in joy, peace and new life back in. The only prerequisite is to give Him permission. This is the great exchange; surrender dirt and receive the bright, clean breath of God, then laugh at how long it took you to let it happen.

Let’s entrust our kids to God and Mary’s intercession.

Mary is the Queen over all things: “Queen over all things” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 966).

Entrust our cares to Mary: “Holy Mary, Mother of God…we can entrust all our cares and petitions to her: she prays for us as she prayed for herself: ‘Let it be to me according to your word.’ [Lk 1:38] By entrusting ourselves to her prayer, we abandon ourselves to the will of God together with her: ‘Thy will be done,’ (CCC 2677).

Mary is Advocate, Helper, Mediatrix. “…the Blessed Virgin is invoked in the Church under the titles of Advocate, Helper, Benefactress, and Mediatrix.’” (CCC 969).

Copyright 2013 Melanie Jean Juneau

• Today’s Scriptures
• USCCB Video Reflection
• Saints of the Day

We begin a new ordinary liturgical time today as the readings rapidly change from the great festival and solemnity of Pentecost.  We start with a magnificent deuterocanonical  Wisdom book called Ben Sira or Sirach.  An elderly and venerable priest said in introducing this book:  Read the passages slowly. When finished go outside and take a good look at nature. There you will find its interpretation.  The Wisdom of the Bible is extremely practical and often very sharp and funny.  Sirach, however, is special in that it was used by the Dead Sea Scroll community who had copies of it in Hebrew and Greek. It is not part of the 24 books of the Hebrew Scriptures. Ben Sira or Sirach. His name is Simeon in the Hebrew text and Jesus (Joshua) in the Greek text of the Septuagint.  The book contains many proverbs, liturgical texts, moral instructions for the young and maturing, maxims, and counsels and encourages us to seek wisdom or Sophia, the word for Wisdom in Greek. Observing the wisdom of the Torah is the highest form for it entails doing God’s will and being obedient to the precepts and commandments of God. The Greek version was made by the grandson of Simeon ben Sira.  We will enjoy some liturgical passages for the coming ordinary days in the liturgical calendar and do well by relating it to nature and all of God’s creation.

This year we jump into Mark in the liturgical seventh week of ordinary time in order to regulate the movement toward Advent the beginning of the liturgical year.  Our passage describes an exorcism of Jesus who restores a young man to his father.  Both the crowd and the disciples seem to be arguing over the condition of the boy or young man; only Jesus is able to heal him and cast out the demon.  The scene is vividly described by Mark who brings out the strong character of Jesus as he not only confronts the demon but also chides all who surround him for their lack of faith and trust in the power of God.  Fortunately, the father of the boy does have some faith and Jesus helps him to grow in it.  He, the father, cries out, “I do believe! Help my lack of trust!”

Jesus asks a lot of questions in the Gospel of Mark that are not found in the other Gospels.  We may wish to meditate on them and let them penetrate our own souls to learn from the scene.  How do I respond to Jesus’ questions and some of his stern statements?  What can I take from this powerful healing?  Do I have some addictions that seem to be a little demonic?  Can I cry out as the father of the boy does and ask Jesus to help me grow in trust?  Why does Jesus tell me and those surrounding him that this type of demon can only be cast out by prayer?  Why does this event happen shortly after the Transfiguration of Jesus? The Scripture commentator, Paul J.Achtemeier writes, “That final reference to prayer tells us that the only appropriate response to Jesus is total, trusting reliance on God’s power, which is the attitude of prayer as well as of faith.  Yet the story also assures us that however imperfect our faith may be, Jesus is nevertheless able to overcome the evil forces at work within our lives.” Amen.  P.S.  Welcome to Ordinary Time!

Copyright 2013 Fr. Bertrand Buby, S.M. 

Where I Belong by Stephanie Gulya

After blogging for a year and a half on the topic of being a Catholic woman (and after almost 24 years of actually being a Catholic woman), I have come to the conclusion that the topic of fatherhood is a sore subject for almost every woman. This, of course, is not to say that there aren’t women out there who have great relationships with their earthly fathers and no problem at all relating to God the Father, but through my experiences, I have found that a majority of women (Catholic or not) need healing when it comes to their father.

The root of this goes all the way back to Adam and Eve in the Garden. It’s kind of shame that they keep getting blamed for everything, but Original Sin is quite a hurtle to get past. When Adam and Eve chose to eat of the forbidden fruit, this was a slap in the face to the Fatherhood of God.

Many people will say that the first sin was pride, which I will not dispute, but I have read many other sources which talk about Original Sin and the Father. Adam and Eve were basically saying that they didn’t trust their Father to provide for them. They thought they could do it better themselves (pride). They rejected the love that the Father had for them, and we are now inclined to do the same. We inherit this mistrust of the Father from our first parents. And, in the end, doesn’t every sin have the same root: we are trying to get something for ourselves, to provide for ourselves because we don’t trust the Father to provide?

In addition to all of this, we often find that our relationship with our earthly fathers leaves something to be desired. Our earthly fathers are meant to be an image of our Heavenly Father. Through our human relationships, we are supposed to learn something about our relationship with God. The plan was that earthly fathers would love us in such a way that led us to the Source of that love: God the Father Himself. With Original Sin, our relationship with God the Father was distorted, as was our relationship with our earthly fathers. Many of us have been left with wounds by our fathers or by father figures in our lives. This was not how God intended for us to live.

My insights into fatherhood, both the human and divine side, have led me to one very important conclusion: healing is needed! In the spirit of Easter, we should rejoice because even though sin entered the world and we have been wounded over and over again, the Father sent His only Son to bring us redemption and healing! Brokenness is not the end of the line. We are not meant to live in fear and hurt. We are meant to live in glory! And that live of glory can begin here on earth!

Over the past few months, I have been working on a very special project surrounding all of these insights. The Lord has provided a lot of healing in my life on the topic of fatherhood and I wanted to find a way to share the joy I have found. Tomorrow, Monday, April 15^th, marks the release of my first eBook entitled Where I Belong: 30 Daily Reflections to Lead Catholic Women Closer to the Heart of the Father. This book, in addition to being the fulfillment of a childhood dream to write and publish a book, is my way of sharing all I have learned in a way which I am sure can benefit every woman. Each day, I provide a Scripture passage, a written reflection and a guided prayer exercise to help you to dive deeper into your relationship with God the Father. The normal cost of the eBook is $8.00, but since Lisa Hendey has been such a blessing in helping me with my blogging career, I am offering it to all of you for $5.00. To get the discounted price, all you have to do is enter the code “catholicmom” once you go to the cart to checkout. Click here to learn more about or to order the book.

Whether you buy the book or not, the most important thing I want you to take away from this article is that you are a beloved daughter of the Father. For some of you, this might be an affirmation and reminder of a truth you already live in, and for others, it may hurt your heart to think about this truth. But, no matter where you are in your spiritual journey, the Truth remains the same and there is always more to learn about being His daughter. Rejoice with me that we have a Father who loves us enough to sacrifice everything to bring us back to Him….FOREVER! Rejoice in the message of Easter!

May God be praised!

Where I Belong: 30 Daily Reflections to Lead Catholic Women Closer to the Heart of the Father

Copyright 2013 Stephanie Gulya

He Leadeth Me

I have a group of friends who pick a book to read and discuss together every few months and He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S. J. was our most recent selection.  I had heard about this book and read about this book for quite a few years before I actually read it. It is amazing and one I am sure I will read again and again.

A brief overview:  Fr. Walter Ciszek was a Jesuit who answered the call to go to Russia as he began his priestly formation.  He eventually arrived in Russia though probably not as he or as his superiors expected.  He winds up deep in the Gulag and is presumed dead by his order and family back in the United States.  Upon his release from prison he works for a time in Russia since he cannot leave the country.  After many years he makes contact with his sister and miraculously he is allowed to leave Russia and come home.

This book is a chronicle of his spiritual journey in which he learned to trust God in all things and see him everywhere. So what does this have to do with evangelization?  Everything!  This awesome man of God reached out to people no matter what circumstance.  His overwhelming desire to serve, especially within the sacraments of confession and Eucharist are mind boggling.  The penalty for being found out could have meant his death in some of the situations he when ministered to his fellow man.  Yet the benefits far outweighed the risks for Fr. Ciszek and the other men.

Reading this book reminded me that God can always use us to serve him and bring the Good News to the people who are already in our lives.   We don’t always have to find people or places to go out and evangelize; serve the people in your life with joy and gladness.  Surely that can convert far more people than searching for the big moment to share your faith.  I have come to learn that it truly is all the little moments that matter.

This quote from the book reminds us that all we do is important if done with God:

“No action, however insignificant, if accepted and performed as from God’s hand and in conformity with his will, is anything other than redemptive and a sharing in the great work of salvation begun by Christ’s passion.”

Order He Leadeth Me and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Copyright 2013 Deanna Bartalini

5-tracks available on iTunes, Amazon & CD

With One Heart

Boston, MA – It’s rare when a musical ensemble has the opportunity to perform before the preacher to the Papal Household, but also gets invited as part of the lineup at Blue Flame, an Oklahoma-based Protestant ministry that explores the intersection of worship and the arts. Now, the Boston-based With One Heart, a contemporary Catholic-Christian rock ensemble that can make such a claim, will release a long-anticipated 5-track EP Out of Darkness on iTunes, Amazon and CDBaby.com.

“It’s an exciting step we’re taking,” says Mike McDuffee, the band’s acoustic guitarist, who is no stranger to enhancing worship with music in and around Boston. “The EP allowed us the opportunity to really explore our passion for creating vibrant, life-filled music that helps us praise God.”

The band recorded their work in August of 2012 at Icon Studios with producer David Smith, who has also worked with Contemporary Christian singers and songwriters such as Nick Cardilino. Production finished this past fall and the ensemble has already received requests for the EP from venues where they have performed in the past, including Blue Flame.

“Playing before a largely Evangelical audience and alongside our Protestant brothers and sisters is an amazing experience,” notes lead vocalist Nicholas Hennessey. “When you sing, you pray twice, so maybe when we all play as a group and sing, we’re praying three times,” he says with a chuckle. “But seriously, the idea is to pour our heart into our performances and use the talents God gave us to encourage more prayer—I feel like we’ve really done that on this EP.”

Band Members:

Mike McDuffee-acoustic guitar/vocals
Nick Hennessey-vocals
Brendon McGrath-electric guitar
Patrick Hanafin-drums

Of course we would all like to live in paradise. A place where nature is gentle and giving and people are loving and kind. A place without war, murder, lies, cover ups, guns, violence, anger and abuse. But the truth of the matter is that we live on earth and not in heaven.

God gave each one of us the gift of life. With this gift He also gave us the gift of free will. We can create havoc, violence and chaos. Or we can choose to spread love, beauty and kindness.

I was asked recently “If God is all loving, then why does He allow suffering, abuse, war and all of the hatred? Why didn’t he choose to give us paradise?” I have prayed and thought about this question for quite some time.

I believe that God gives us life, freewill and a good heart. I believe there is chaos and evil in the world.  God tries to guide us in His ways but we don’t always listen. Even those who listen and try to love others and bring good to the world have tragic things occur in their lives. But I believe it is God who gives us the strength to find the good even in the horror of the evil. I believe that suffering builds character and brings us closer to God. Jesus Christ suffered for our sins, He was scourged, whipped, beaten and humiliated; he suffered for us. God allowed His son to endure unbelievable suffering so that we may have an example of how to forgive and love others without condition. I believe there will be a paradise and a heaven where there is nothing but goodness, bliss, color and love. I also believe God asked us to bring some of this heaven to our earth through our actions, attitudes and words.

God is all loving. No matter what we have chosen to do or not do God continues to love us. It is our responsibility to bring heaven to this earth. God gave us that responsibility. Now we need to paint our little part of the earth in the bright colors of kindness, generosity, compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love. The more faith we spread the more colors can be painted.

Copyright 2013 Lori Hadorn-Disselkamp

Here are the Tech Talk highlights from last week.

Catholic’s Companion on Windows

Here’s the Catholic app we found in a recent foray into a Windows smartphone.

New “Missio” App to be Unlocked by Pope Francis on Friday

Pope Francis is unveiling a new smartphone app and our team is jumping up and down in all kinds of excitement.

Pentecost: The  Mission, Method, and Means

What does Pentecost have to do with Tech Talk? We don’t think you’ll be disappointed by this reflection!

More Than Words (Wake Up to the Creed App Review)

How a new app is helping us pray differently (and better?).

Read all of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Sarah Reinhard