St. Bernardino of Siena

God has sent me a friend, I think.  He showed up about a week ago, and I’m not sure how long he’s going to stay.

He’s a Franciscan, a preacher, a theologian, and a canonist.  And he lived 600 years ago.

St. Bernadino of Siena arrived on my scene last week through his bio in the Magnificat.  I’ve quickly fallen in love with the Holy Name ever since reading Fr. Paul O’Sullivan’s book The Wonders of the Holy Name some weeks ago, and it was striking to me that the saint featured in this month’s Magnficat would be someone who was so totally devoted to the Holy Name that he carried a staff with the initials IHS on top and who indeed worked many wonders in the Name of Jesus.  The timing caught my attention and my heart and I felt an instant connection with and affection for him, despite the years between us and our many differences.  I’ve felt him in our house ever since, close at hand, in my thoughts, pointing out ways that the Holy Name is glorified, bringing me to today when my husband called from work to wish me a happy Feast of St. Bernadino and my heart inexplicably leapt.

What I’ve learned about our guest is that in 1417 he began preaching in Milan and Lombardy and later travelled to other parts of Italy, always on foot.  (He had to practice extensively to train his weak voice to become strong enough to be heard in churches and open-air pulpits.)  He preached on the person of Christ and focused on the common sins of his day: witchcraft, usury, gambling, and superstition, advocating for penance and voluntary poverty to help ward off these evils (Butlers Lives of the Saints, May, pg. 107).

St. Bernadino preached that “speech ought to be a holy activity free of salaciousness and vulgarity” and that “malicious gossip…triggered warfare”.

Of all words he most cherished the Holy Name, saying:

The name of Jesus is the glory of preachers, because the shining splendor of that name causes his word to be proclaimed and heard.  And how do you think such an immense, sudden, and dazzling light of faith came into the world, if not because Jesus was preached?  Was it not through the brilliance and sweet savor of this name that God called us into His marvelous light? (Magnficat, Vol. 15, No.3)

And so this good mendicant friar from the middle ages is with us for the time being.  I’m not quite sure what he wants or why the Lord has sent him in particular.  With a typical houseguest (okay, so really only a grandparent or brother has been willing/brave enough to stay with us overnight), I’d be concerned about what to feed him, how to entertain him, and making sure no tiny people were wandering into his room at 5:30 in the morning to see what were in his bags and to find out if maybe he’d like to play stuffed animals right now.  But how to ensure that a saintly visitor is pleased with the hospitality?  I’m not sure.  I suppose I could ask him, but I’m a little nervous about what he’ll say.  Despite his endlessly-good nature, he might prove the most difficult to please.

Do you have any ideas?  Have you had any saintly visitors lately and how have you cared for them in your home?

Copyright 2013 Meg Matenaer

Janice Carbon

Sometimes Life Comes with Bumps and Bruises

There are times in our lives when we may need professional counseling.It may come in a situation with one of our children that we are not so sure how to handle. Or it may be that there are issues in our marriage that we want to talk over with a trusted, independent person who has the appropriate knowledge to help. Or it can simply be that we want to improve ourselves and our lives. We may be feeling stuck in a rut and not sure what we need to do to get ourselves free so that we can be the person God created us to be.

How to Find the Right Professional

With so many professionals out there, how do you pick the right person to work with?  

The single most important factor is to find someone who understands and shares your core value base. For us Catholics, that means someone who is a practicing Catholic, living a life true to the Magisterium of the Church. You want someone who not only knows, but cherishes, our Catholic faith.

Your pastor or parish office might have a list of Catholic therapists in your area. If not, you can search for Catholic therapists in your area at CatholicTherapists.com.

Why a Catholic Professional Is so Important

One of the main problems with secular counseling is that psychology puts the self at the center of things. It is all about discovering the self and actualizing the self.  The problem is that everything is directed by what the self wants. In simple terms, the approach taken by secular counseling comes down to “my will be done.”

Catholics, on the other hand, respect the life and unique personhood of each individual. And we see our lives in a much larger context.

• We have an eternal perspective.
• We see ourselves as sons and daughters of a loving God.
• We are creatures created by a divine Creator.
• We believe that we are created by Love, out of Love, and for Love.

This is worlds away from the secular outlook!

As Catholics, we cannot settle for “my will be done.” We know that only leads to frustration. Instead, we must consider God’s will, as in “Thy will be done,” for we know that true and lasting happiness can only be found in God.

There Is No Such Thing as Neutral

Secular therapists say that they are “value neutral.” As a society, we have been drowning in this secular nonsense for decades. But we know the truth: God is good! God is the source of all goodness, and no good exists outside of God! And if this is case, then another truth naturally follows: All healing comes from God! And since God is the source of all healing; there is no healing outside of Him. This is why it is so important to seek counseling from a professional that shares your Catholic faith. To seek healing without God can only end in frustration.

If you find yourself in need of counseling, pray to God and seek help from your pastor, your parish family, and from a Catholic therapist.

Janice Carbon is a Catholic Counseling Professional. She is also the author of Fully Alive! now available through Tau Publishing.

Copyright 2013 Janice Carbon

Abbey Dupuy

Editor’s note: Today, we welcome Abbey Dupuy to our family of writers. Abbey blogs at Surviving Our Blessings and is a busy mom of twins and a preschooler. I look forward to learning from her! Please join me in giving Abbey a warm CatholicMom.com welcome! LMH

My parish used to take the water out of the holy water font during Lent.

Although they stopped doing that a number of years ago, I still remember the feeling of oddly-dry fingers on the way in to Mass that accompanied the stripped-down altar and the absent Alleluia.

I came to the Catholic Church incrementally, but part of what drew me in was the quiet, prayerful holiness of the Mass and the diversity of prayer practice in the tradition. My introverted soul craves quiet contemplation, longs to rest in silence and drink it all in. I remember the days when I used to arrive early to Mass just to kneel and soak it up, letting my soul stretch and reach upward as everyone was arriving. I felt I connected with God at every turn then, and when I left Mass each week, I carried the fiercely burning light of Christ at the very center of my being, so hot that I could physically feel it behind my breastbone.

In the Gospel story of Mary and Martha, I was Mary all the way…sitting at Jesus’ feet and hanging on his every word.

Fast forward to now, and I feel like it’s all passing me by. I’m exhausted. I’m surrounded by clamor and chaos, and it’s my job to restore order. I’m in full-Martha survival mode.

Getting us all to church each week feels like an epic challenge, managed only by my most careful planning and hard work. I try to streamline Sunday morning as much as possible, but by breakfast, we’re often running late. We are never early (partly because we run late almost everywhere these days, and partly because getting to church early just means our little people have to stay put in the pews longer), but I wish we were on time more often.

When we arrive, we park and unload everyone, lugging them into church from the parking garage with the huge diaper bag stocked with distractions and extra clothes and diapers, praying that we will make it through the Mass without at least one child needing to be removed for tears or tantrums. We spend our time not sitting in quiet prayer, but bouncing, walking, whispering, shushing, swaying, pointing at words in books, turning pages, rescuing runaway crayons, preventing people from rolling on the floor, and trying not to be distracting. There are weeks when we spend the entire Mass out in the foyer with toddlers who are driven to walk, to climb, to chatter about everything they see.

I know that’s how God created toddlers. That’s how they experience the world – it’s what they do at this stage in their lives. They are too young to understand about sitting for that long, and we are outnumbered. We bring things to occupy them, but the laws of toddler physics are inevitable: eventually, a toddler-not-in-motion will become a toddler-in-motion…and woe to the mother who tries to impede that toddler.

If we are in the foyer, I always sneak back into the church for Eucharist carrying whichever child is least likely to make a scene. The priest often makes comments in his lengthy almost-the-end-of-Mass announcements about how people should stay through the final hymn, but we usually sneak out again.

When I was Mary, I always stayed through the final hymn. (Honestly, I even judged other people for leaving before the final words had been sung.)

Now Martha is in charge, and she knows that sometimes, we need to cut our losses and get out of there as quickly as possible.

By the time we reverse our arrival process, stuffing our frustrated children back into the car before grabbing lunch quickly in our attempt to make it home before nap time (so we can collapse when the children are sleeping), I’m often in tears, sweaty with exertion. I’m exhausted from the struggle of managing it all. Sometimes my arms are actually shaking from the physical effort of keeping everything together. Most weeks, I only know what the readings are if I managed to read them ahead of time (as the chances of my absorbing much of what is said are low).

Parenting on Sundays sometimes feels like as much work as all the other days added together.

My friends who are not churchgoers wonder why we do this every week. If it’s so hard, why are we putting ourselves through it? Surely God would understand if we stopped bringing them to Mass for a while, if I went by myself while my children stayed home with their dad, if our family came back all together in a couple of years when everyone was better able to handle it?

God would probably understand, yes. But it’s not God I’m worried about.

It’s me.

Although I do believe it benefits our littlest ones to be in church with us, when it comes down to it, I’m the one who really needs to be there. I need to dip my fingers in the font. (There’s plenty of water there now; it’s my soul that is parched.) I need to sing, even if I don’t remember all the words and can’t manage holding a hymnal (or am caught in the foyer without one). I need to lock eyes with the child that is challenging me most and say, “Peace be with you.” I need to encounter Christ. And in that one small moment after receiving Eucharist, I need to take a deep breath, look into the face of Jesus on the cross and say, “Yes.” Or maybe, “Lord, have mercy.” Or maybe nothing at all.

I need to be Mary again, just for a second.

Even if I’m struggling the entire time, in that one moment, there is strength to sustain me. I can keep going for the rest of that day, for another day, for another week. I am not alone in my work of mothering these children. My work is God’s work. My children are God’s children. God loves them infinitely more than I do, and God loves them through me and in spite of me…and as long as I remember that, I cannot fail them entirely.

I’m so grateful for the gifts of their lives. I tuck them in every single night with a blessing and the words, “I’m so thankful to be your mama.” I’m working hard, and I’m learning to manage, and I’m a Martha-among-Marthas most days: capable, organized, and on top of my game.

But sometimes, the Mary in my soul would really, really like to just rest quietly at Jesus’ feet and drink her fill.

Copyright 2013 Abbey Dupuy 

There are currently efforts in our government to pass sales tax regulations for Internet purchases, and many consumers are worried.  In tough economic times, can we afford an increase in taxes?

First, let me begin by saying that I am politically impartial to the topic.  Honestly, I care less what the prevailing thought is on either the blue or red side of the fence.  This topic primarily concerns me as a professional in the IT industry and as a consumer, nothing more.

Next, let me share a little secret with you: in many states (if not most), you should already be paying taxes on your Internet purchases.  Shocked?  I was too.

Have you ever heard of use tax?  You have probably heard the word in the phrase sales and use tax because generally, they go hand-in-hand.

Here’s how it works.  When you make a purchase in another state (including online), that retailer has the option of collecting sales tax from you – they may even be required to.  However, if they don’t, you pay a use tax back in your home state, usually at your state’s normal sales tax rate.

For example, if I purchase a book from an online store for $20, but they do not collect sales tax, Illinois (my home state) requires me to pay a $1.25 use tax on it that can be added to my yearly 1040.  In fact, Illinois adds that if they charge me too little, say 5% instead of the state’s 6.25%, I should pay them the $0.25 difference.

Confused yet?  Me too.

Well, let’s put it simply.  If you do not pay sales taxes on your Internet purchases, there is a good chance you should be paying use tax instead.

Why doesn’t the online retailer collect it for us?  Because they are as confused by all of this as we are, and they would rather put the ball in our court – putting us on the hook to pay our own taxes.  How nice of them!

Retailers also choose not to collect taxes because it gives them an advantage over their brick-and-mortar counterparts.  Many times, the money saved on taxes makes up for the cost of shipping – driving more customers online for convenience.  With free shipping, consumers believe they are saving money, but in reality, they aren’t (with the cost of use tax).

Anyway, the bills being introduced would force retailers to collect the taxes, which takes the burden off of us.  So this is not really a tax increase; it is collecting taxes that are technically due already, but putting the burden on the retailer and not on us.

This is a good step in the right direction, but of course, the lawmakers could have made it a lot easier.  The laws for each state are complex, and some collect state, county, and municipal taxes.  Imagine being a small company trying to navigate that mess across 50 states!

The government could, at least, force states into one tax rate across the state – dropping county and municipal taxes.  If they did, more online retailers would be likely to comply.  It’s so difficult now that many choose not to.  Simplifying the process, and flattening the rates, would actually increase revenues for many states.

Why does any of this matter to a tech guy like me?  Because managing these extra tax burdens on ecommerce sites is difficult, to say the least.  Trying to keep up with the constantly changing tax landscapes across 50 states is anything but easy.

It has also affected jobs.  For instance, when my lovely governor passed an Internet tax bill in Illinois a few years back, it sent a lot of tech jobs to other states.  The law is so strict that I cannot even place ads on my website for companies like Amazon without it causing a taxable event.  Thank you, Mr. Governor.

There are many points to consider with instituting a nationwide Internet sales tax, but I’m not overly impressed with the currently introduced legislation.   I think our political leaders could have done a better job at drafting a bill that helps states collect revenues while streamlining the process at the same time.

Regardless of what happens with this bill, or the next, Internet taxes are coming, one way or another, so be ready for it.

Read more of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Chad R. Torgerson

• Today’s Scriptures
• USCCB Video Reflection
• Saints of the Day

Our liturgical readings taken from the wisdom thought of Sirach is supplemented by the Psalms chosen for our response and meditation.  They are psalms that are from the wisdom lineage of the Temple prayers and songs.  We see this in the frequent use of Psalm 1, Psalm 19 A and B, and Psalm 119 the longest in the Psalter.  They help us ponder over the wisdom writings with a prayer and with our own meditation on the themes expressed in the first reading.

Jesus is often called Wisdom by contemporary theologians.  He is filled with the wisdom coming from the Holy Spirit. Today he is teaching wisdom to his disciples by making sure they are tolerant of others who share in special gifts from God and done in Jesus’ name.  His disciples need wisdom in learning how to be tolerant of others and not judgmental or jealous.  Maybe the two are related in lack of tolerance.  The case at hand is that a man is casting out demons in the name of Jesus even though he is not a disciple of Jesus.  Jesus teaches his disciples practical wisdom seen in good judgment.  The tells them, “Anyone who is not against us, is for us.”

Sirach illustrates the role of wisdom in the lives who are seeking her (Sophia, Wisdom personified).  Her wisdom is to be received and acted upon in those who love her; it again is practical wisdom and down to earth.

Not only individuals but communities are called to be followers of wisdom.  Members are to be alert to forms of prejudice, rash judgment of others,  virulent backbiting,  hurtful sarcasm.  Arrogance or a feeling that we are better than others is also a part of the picture when a group lacks wisdom.  Tolerance is a gift that fosters honesty and transparency; it listens to the others, enters into dialogue with them, stays at table with them and has no pretense of knowing all things.  Like the disciples we too need to realize that those who are not with us may not be against us.

We pray for the gift of Wisdom from the Holy Spirit.  We learn to never despise anyone.  We praise those who praise God and Jesus.  We learn from them.  Wisdom is an ongoing process and thus it fits in with the liturgical concept of ordinary time.  Wisdom however is not ordinary; it is extraordinary and a graced gift from God. Amen.

Copyright 2013 Fr. Bertrand Buby, S.M. 

Being Your Kids’ P.A.R.A.

Being a P.A.R.A. means 1) Paying Attention, 2) Responding, and 3) Arranging; it’s the Mary at the Wedding of Cana approach to relationships.  The story about my daughter’s gymnastics team experience delivers on my promise for real examples.

The coach of the East YMCA Flyers gymnastics team approached Gianna two years ago to be on the team.  Unwilling to be a gymnastics widow, I loved the East Y’s balanced approach to competitive gymnastics: reasonable hours in the gym minimizing time away from family and family meals, super affordable rates, and the encouragement of the girls to work smart to be the best they can be without the stress of Olympic-bound kids’ sports philosophy.

Gianna beamed her first year.  Her scores gradually improved with each meet, and she loved the family’s attention on her during her competitions.  As the season progressed  though, the competition got tougher.  Moving towards the State Gymnastics competition practices became more serious as the coaches critiqued the girls more to perfect their routines. Gianna’s used to doing things well and being the top dog; being towards the bottom of the heap left her uncomfortable.

The intensity combined with consequences of Gianna’s shyness mounted.  Being more timid Gianna had not reached out to get to know the other girls.  Overtime, their unfamiliarity became awkward.

She wanted to quit.

My gut told me she wanted to quit for the wrong reasons. We compromised with an agreement to take a break over the summer.  When fall came again she was eager to get back to gymnastics.

The next year was a repeat of the first with the addition of the fact that for months during the tough part of the gymnastics season we had neglected having Gianna’s friends over to the house.  She was feeling disconnected socially at school and at gymnastics.  I realize all kids need to have friends on their own turf, particularly shy ones.

Paying attention to the root problem—Gianna’s shyness and consequent social problems and her perfectionism—I immediately ramped up the play dates.  Within a month there was no real talk of dumping gymnastics, Gianna had her confidence back, and she was willing to work through the emotions of competing without letting it tear her down.

Copyright 2013 Christina M. Weber

Summer Break Survival Guide

Summer break is just around the corner or has already started for some. While I’m thankful for the upcoming rest from the business of school and I look forward to some extra time with the kids, part of me can’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought of all the kids being home….together…in the same house…for weeks at a time…without any schedule.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate.

Ok, I’m back. In order to prevent mass chaos, shouting matches, and additional panic attacks, I decided to make a Summer Break Survival Guide for our family.

1. Make a Plan

• Ok, I know “plans” are merely a figment of my hopeful imagination and that they don’t really exist. Still, I’m going to lay out at least an “idea” of how I would like our summer break to go. A good friend of mine always suggests starting out with low expectations and then maybe you’ll be happily surprised when these “plans” exceed those.
• Our plan actually consists of a word collage of our favorite things about summer. I print it out and stick it on our fridge for daily inspiration.
• Routine – Schedules are good for schools; loose routines are more realistic for home life. Set up a very basic daily routine, allowing room for flexibility so you can add or take away activities on top of the basic “foundation”. Here’s an example: Wake up. Eat. Chores. Play. Eat. Rest Time. Eat. Chores. Sleep. Repeat.

2. Activities

• “Sit still and be nice to each other” is a foreign concept to my children. It’s not in their nature. Our school kids are used to following a schedule full of activities and work during the school year while our younger kids at home are used to their own play time and activities at home. When left to their own whims, my children choose to see how far under each other’s skin they can go for entertainment. Participating in some special summer activities not only keeps them from killing each other, it can also keep their brains and muscles from turning into slushies over the summer. Most cities and towns, and even your own parish, offer various summer activities, programs and camps that can be both fun and educational.

3. Down Time

• Warning: Do not overdose on summer activities. Too many scheduled activities is likely to cause severe summer burn – out, resulting in extreme chaos, stress, and tears from all involved. Remember this is summer break – not the third semester of school. Everyone – kids and parents – need time to just…be. There are enough summer activities offered to fill up an entire summer and then some. If I signed up for all of them I might as well sell our house, live in our car, and never see my kids. When registering for camps or other programs pick a few, one, or none and make up your own activities. Or schedule your activities in the morning leaving room for a quieter afternoon of relaxing by the cool pool or under a tree with a delicious book.

4. Chores

• Between all the activities and relaxing, there’s still work to be done. Yes, the kids will gripe but teaching these youngsters the value of hard work and responsibility is a vital lesson of life. Use charts, stickers, and/or skittles to help motivate everyone to do their part and hopefully you’ll survive the summer with your house still in one piece.

5. Make a summer toolbox

• Get a few boxes or baskets and fill them with special “summer break” items the kids can go to when they are “bored”. Suggested items: Books, books, books! Take a tour of your local libraries or bookstores for some new additions to your current book collection for some fun summer reading. Coloring books, play dough, lacing and card games, paints and other crafty items are good boredom busters also. I recently raided the $1 bins at Target and came up with some water toys and other summer fun treasures. I’d be surprised if we made it through the summer without losing or breaking some of these but at least I only paid $1 for them. Check our garage sales for new-to-you puzzles and board games – you’d be surprised what treasures you can find. If in doubt, grab the swimsuits and goggles, turn on the sprinklers or fill up some big tubs with water for hours of fun.

6. Lastly, but most importantly, PRAY. While we take a break from the normal school year routines, continue with your current prayer habits. Keep it simple and make sure you carve out prayer time at least once a day for yourself and as a family. Even if it’s just a quick Morning Offering, attending a daily Mass once a week, or sending up random aspirations or desperate calls for help – don’t forget to pray and keep Christ at the center of all your summer activities.

Copyright 2013 Erika Marie

May is a great month, dedicated to our Mother Mary and honoring all moms with Mother’s Day. Spring has sprung….and what better time to fill the house with flowers while saying the prayers of the Rosary!?

I really liked Alicia’s post on A Spiritual Bouquet Card Craft last week…and I also have a Spiritual Bouquet craft encouraging families to pray the Rosary as a special gift for loved ones.

My kids love crafts. When my first daughter (Emily) was a toddler, we made Rosary Spiritual Bouquet flowers…with each petal, leaf or stem representing a different prayer of one decade of the Rosary. She loved crafts and the flower pieces helped her keep track of the Hail Mary prayers! Making Spiritual Bouquets with my eldest…was B.B. (before blogging!) but I do have pictures of Spiritual Bouquet-making with my youngest daughter (Bridget) last year!

Emily (@ 2 and a half!) would endlessly say decades of the rosary as we constructed the colorful flowers. At that point, I cut the pieces, but she had free reign over the gluing. We made some special looking flowers…and Grandma loved them, especially when she discovered that we were saying those Our Fathers, Hail Marys, Glory Be’s and Fatima prayers…just for her!

Here’s a quick reminder how to say the Rosary.

We ended up turning that little craft into a popular Cathletics Craft Kit with B&W templates of the flowers, with all the prayers printed on the petals and leaves.

It’s called the Spiritual Bouquet of Prayer Petal Flowers

My youngest daughter is pretty good with scissors too …and loves to do crafts!
We share the praying part, alternating the first and second parts of the Our Father and the Hail Mary… especially while the scissors are involved.

Over time, we added more features to our Spiritual Bouquet Cathletics Craft Kit…like extra clipart for that special card for Grandma. (It explains the concept of the Catholic tradition of Spiritual Bouquets.)  We also created the flower and clipart based on the Divine Mercy Chaplet…and we were so happy to include it within the kit. Here’s a quick reference for saying the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Now, we have added even more to the Spiritual Bouquet of Prayer Petal Flowers Cathletics Craft Kit including one-page Rosary and Divine Mercy coloring pages and a template to make a giant wall garland with all 20 Mysteries of the Rosary!

Happy Month of May!

Copyright 2013 Monica McConkey

“I’m not that interested in ‘mass’ communications. I’m much more interested in what happens between this person and the one person watching. The space between the television set and that person who’s watching is very holy ground.”

Social Media in the Marriage and Family

The traditional family unit has been negatively hit from so many directions in our world in recent times.  Now state and federal courts are, at a few homosexuals’ constant and indignant urgings, adding to the destruction of the traditional and healthy institution of marriage by passing legislation redefining marriage to allow same-sex couples to enter this institution.  It completely shocks and amazes me how these educated and elected individuals can be party to the destruction of the central and so necessary human structure.  But, alas, the members of traditional marriage have sadly and selfishly been part of the destruction of marriage, too with spousal abuse, divorce, and infidelity. How can we possibly protect marriage when many of our own members do not seem to respect it.

Now, enter social media, the smartphone and all the other electronic hand-held gadgets that are supposedly making our lives more organized. Calendars, memo pads, apps out the ying-yang, games, exercise videos, the list goes on at the touch of a button in your hand.  You can look up information in a split second, order books, tickets, reservations, check the weather, find your way through town, and play games online with people you don’t know all at the press of a button or a call out to Siri.  Convenient and simple, eh?  Distracting?  Maybe, depending on who you ask.  Some say that modern technology has made our lives more complicated rather than organized and less stressed.  How much information from the information highway does one need in a 24-hour period?

In all the talks and articles I’ve read, mainly they involve controlling or monitoring the children and young people in the family.  Important as that is, however, the marriage has been affected by online activities as well.  Now we have new friends, old acquaintances, school chums from way back, and even co-workers included in our lives at a more familiar level.  Anyone of these “friends” can be contacted quickly and frequently without too much effort.  So now, not only the children, but married couples are involved in separate and, very often unknown to each other, online communities and friendships. According to an article I read on Psych Central.com, many attorneys search Facebook primarily for infidelity evidence and inappropriate behavior meriting the onset of a divorce.

Physical affairs are one thing, but what might catch us off guard is the emotional affairs that take place online….innocent, right??  NO!  We are learning more and more about emotional affairs having an impact on today’s marriages and relationships on a very negative level.  At neck-breaking speed, we can be “with” someone emotionally online and not think badly of it…..it’s just talking, right?  No, it’s investing time away from the spouse, being more intimate emotionally with another and that will take it’s toll on the relationship, by becoming physical eventually.  I, personally, have seen this happen to a few friends, it is devastating!

So, how do we combat this new invader?  By setting up online rules that both spouses will agree to.

• Trust is essential for good and healthy relationships, but once broken, it’s extremely difficult to regain.  By having all passwords available to each other, this can really help keep things up and up with each other.
• Use best judgment in “friend” selections.  People you probably shouldn’t be friends with online are unmarried friends and co-workers, really though, why do you want coworkers as friends anyway, you work with them….give it a rest off hours!
• Have a “off-line” time with family….turn the phone and computer off at night…..enjoy the people you are with!   Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI talked about online evangelization, but that our online activities should not REPLACE our face to face relationships!
• and of course, be considerate of your spouse; if there is someone they are not comfortable with you being friends with online, by all means, respect their wishes don’t friend them.  No explanation is necessary, but if there is, you are married or in a relationship!

On a positive and personal note, my knight and I live far from family and Facebook has been great for us to catch up with those we love.  Now we’re connected with family members we don’t get to see but once a year, even from his cousin in Germany, how fun is that??  We both have iPhones and have learned to text via the teens in the house, so we use our phones to check in and text throughout the day, “Hope your day is going well, love you!”  He’s silly and sends me pictures of his lunch so I know what NOT to make for dinner…..and I usually get a heart and “hows your day going?   It’s a good feeling that we can use online and smartphones to our advantage in a good way.

The most important thing in the world is your family, without them, life isn’t quite fulfilling, and we need to protect the traditional institution of marriage for our family, our society, and our future.  Our online activity should reflect our priorities.  There’s a great deal of great stuff online, but there is also a great deal of evil.  Keep your shields up and profiles low.

Copyright 2013 Ebeth Weidner

Journey Toward the Sacraments

Press suit. Check. Shine black dress shoes. Check. Purchase white satin tie and arm band. Check. Cut hair, charge camera batteries. Check and check. Stock up on paper goods, plan menu, order cake, boutonniere and balloons. Check, check and check.

Plant, weed and generally beautify yard after a long and dormant winter. Check. (Okay, this one is still ongoing….)

‘Tis the season?   No, not that season…the favored season among many, which generates lists, traditions and rich memories as well… The sacramental season:  When grace and mercy are amply bestowed by our loving Father upon first communicants and confirmandi throughout dioceses across America.

The season of photos  capturing grace filled moments of the conferring of the sacrament, which will undoubtedly decorate shelves in lovely frames for posterity. The season of when family members enjoy the camaraderie of the cooking, the baking, the decorating, the general preparing. And yes, the season when Moms and Dads of these blessed first communicants and confirmandi stress and generally place importance on the unimportant…..or the not-as-important.

As the Mom of a little one on the brink of receiving sacramental graces, I am certainly ‘guilty’ of, shall we say, overaccentuating the, well…… the fluff.  Not that a little organization isn’t helpful when it comes to the shade of blue with which your little First Communicant’s gift is beribboned; the style of cutlery… (clear or white?) with which your guests enjoy the celebratory meal; the agonizingly oh-so-exact placement of your child’s photo on the invitation; the labeling of the coffee urns as ‘decaf’ and ‘caffeinated’ or the….. Wait; did I say ‘organized’? Hmm, what I really mean is …. well, overboard.

How about a revised “to do” list? One that is actually meaningful in the deeper context of the awe inspiring sacraments about to be received by our children and one which may inspire all of us as parents and catechists to a deeper understanding of the sacramental graces?

Lately, in our homeschool, I have chosen to pare down and subscribe to the ‘less is more’ ideology.  Overextending into many resources with hope that marinating the kids in sheer volume…well, that  tends to be counterproductive for them, as well as for me.

Discussion around just a few literary jewels that truly speak to us.

Time carved out for deep, thoughtful conersations.

Writing and projects around a few classic pieces of literature or a few aptly chosen parables from the Bible.

Praying the Rosary… we are all well aware that it is the source through which abundant graces are received.

So, yes, well within my Mom ‘job description’ is directing my family’s minutiae….the essential and the extraneous.  I am blessed to be living this vocation of Motherhood and recognize the immense requisite of micromanagement expertise daily granted me by our Lord.

While the preparation for The Big Day will remain paramount on my to-do list, I will say with conviction that what-does-not-get-done will be forgotten as my husband and I witness perfection in our son’s receiving of the Sacrament on That Day.

Copyright 2013 Christine Capolino

Is “pure fashion” an oxymoron?

Modesty is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, an outward sign of God working within us.  As with other fruits like patience and charity, modesty is manifested in what we do — in our works, the actions we seek to perform that help us recognize the presence of God.  It’s not always easy.

Anyone who strives for modesty and also has a daughter over size 6X will lament with me the lack of appropriate clothing choices at most mainstream shopping venues.  You see, I adhere to the sensible modesty guidelines set forth by Pure Fashion.  Most retailers do not.

I discovered Pure Fashion when my oldest daughter was five.  As we began to venture into the size 7 – 16 clothing section, I was relieved to have found practical guidelines that other Catholic moms use with their daughters.  Pure Fashion’s emphasis on modest clothing is a huge step in the right direction for our culture, and accolades for developing a system for clothing selection are well deserved.

But as I gained more exposure to the organization, I realized that the “fashion” aspect showcased at its events showed an incomplete understanding of the multi-faceted virtue of modesty.  A girl on a catwalk, no matter how pristinely clad, is still a girl on a catwalk—expecting eyes centered on her, seeking the attention of the crowd, and imitating an industry that emphasizes appearance as the sole measure of a thereby disordered femininity.

While Pure Fashion aims to teach girls to be poised, graceful, and confident, they do so through modeling.  Poise and grace do not celebrate self.  They are humble.  And as Catholic women, we should beware the phrase “self confidence.”  Our confidence, the “bold confidence” of the Little Way of St. Therese, should remain solely in Him.

There is much to like about the Pure Fashion philosophy and its desire to teach girls to value modesty in dress.  Adult leaders explain modesty as it reflects on the dignity of the human person using the CCC as a resource.  But the program’s final celebration, the fashion show, reflects an emphasis on a narrow definition of modesty.  Modesty as a virtue is much larger than clothing selection.

Fashion, by its very nature, is of this world.  Without extensively defining the virtue of purity here, to me the phrase “pure fashion” seems an oxymoron.

Copyright 2013 Sharon Rayner

My reading time is suffering TREMENDOUSLY from an attack of the killer cute. Consider:

And then I have THIS:

Don’t worry, y’all. I’m not giving up the reading, even though they’re conspiring to try to eat my homework.

Recent Reads

21 Ways to Worship: A Guide to Eucharistic Adoration, by Vinny Flynn (MercySong/Ignatius, 2012)

My rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Why yes, I was rather reluctant to read this one. That makes the awesomesauce that this book was even sweeter. I thought I knew the tone it would have and the attitude of eye-rolling it would inspire in me. I was, in fact, convinced I would have to work to write a favorable review.

In this book, Flynn brilliantly and concisely makes a case, not just for Adoration, not just for a deeper prayer life, not just for a gimmick-style Christian life, but for an approach to really living and transforming your life through small actions. Call it prayer, call it worship, call it Adoration: it is, at the root of it, encouragement for those of us who struggle, for those of us who juggle unsuccessfully, for those of us who wonder if what we’re doing is ever enough.

There’s no “Catholic lite” in this book, just a toolbox packed with approaches, ideas, and sincere devotion. You won’t be able to help changing your life as you read this book. Mine’s already better. I can’t wait to read it again.

Current Reads

Strange Gods: Unmasking the Idols in Everyday Life, by Elizabeth Scalia (Ave Maria Press, 2013)

What’s not to love? I’m only partway through the acknowledgements, which are a who’s-who of Catholic bloggers and writers, but I’m already hooked. I heard Scalia on a recent episode of Catholic Weekend and, had it not been for the fact that I was baling my crazy-grass-growing yard for something like the fifth time that week, I would have stopped everything to start reading.

A Method to the Madness: A Guide to the Super Evil, by Jeffrey Hite (Five Rivers Chapmanry, 2013, fiction)

I should be done with this book already! Except…except that it’s MAY. And you know what THAT means, right? It means…well, yeah, I have excuses and dirt under my toenails and grimy kids and mowing to do and…and…and… The more I read of this book, the more I love it. Next week, I will have more to say under the “I’m done with it now” category.

On Heaven and Earth: Pope Francis on Faith, Family, and the Church in the Twenty-First Century, by Jorge Bergoglio (Pope Francis) & Abraham Skorka (Image Books, 2013)

On the one hand, this is a great book to read in small chunks. It’s spiritual reading with a conversational tone (because it’s really a conversation). On the other hand, I want to just…keep…reading. Good, good, GOOOOOOOD stuff.

What have YOU been reading lately?

*Are you on Goodreads? I’ll see you there!

Curious about what my ratings mean? Here’s an explanation of what the stars mean to me.

Be sure to check out our Book Notes archive.

Copyright 2013, Sarah Reinhard

31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator

Editor’s note: Today, we congratulate our fellow CatholicMom.com contributor Jared Dees on the launch of his fantastic new book 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator.  Since every Catholic parent is the primary religion teacher for his or her children, this is a book that belongs in every Catholic home. It would also make the perfect “end of the school year” thank you gift for every Catholic teacher in your life. Kudos Jared! LMH

Last weekend my wife and I were given a compliment we really needed to hear. After Mass one of the older couples that dares to sit near the Dees family told us that our two year old has been acting so much better at Mass.

It was like a weight had been lifted off of my heart. We had been trying so hard to motivate her to settle down during Mass for at least a year.

About four or five weeks ago, it came to a breaking point.

We participated in an evening Mass that was horrendous. Now granted, it was the Saturday vigil and it threw off our dinner schedule, but it is no excuse for the behavior she displayed. We spent most of the Mass in the crying room, but eventually it got to the point that she was so bad I couldn’t even bear to distract the moms, dads, and children who were trying to keep their own little ones quiet!

Thankfully, we had driven two cars to church that night. After Mass, I told my wife, “I got this.”

In the car, that daughter of mine knew she had something coming. I was so angry; I felt like ripping her head off–I mean really screaming at her.

Instead, I followed a simple format for the conversation that I’ll share momentarily. I was stern. I was clear and she was sorry. She also remembered the conversation next time we went to Mass. I’m not saying I solved the mystery. We’ve still had to take her to the back of church since that night, but she clearly tried a lot harder after our conversation. Maybe she’s just a month older and naturally settled down, but I like to think that our talk was a turning point for us.

What Motivates Children to Do What’s Hard?

It really isn’t her fault. When you see children acting out in Mass, don’t blame the parents and have pity on the child. Sitting still and listening for an hour is not a skill they are born with. They have the attention span of two minutes, max. They are still learning the correct behavior in church.

But how do you motivate even a toddler to develop skills beyond their current abilities? I agree with educational psychologist, Carol Dweck, who says that it part of the challenge comes down to mindset.

According to Dweck’s research, we can have two types of perceptions on life: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Those with a fixed mindset see success or failure as something unavoidable and as a consequence of intelligence or age. Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, see success and failure as opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and change.

How do you cultivate a growth mindset? Try mixing in positive feedback with constructive criticism. The more a young person believes in herself, the more she will feel she has the capability to overcome the challenges in her future.

To do this I like to use the Sandwich Approach, a technique I learned while working for the sports education program at the University of Notre Dame called Play Like A Champion Today. It is also the technique I used to control my anger with my daughter after Mass that day when we had hit our breaking point.

Using the Sandwich Approach to Motivate Children

Traditionally, a sandwich has two pieces of bread with something in the middle like meat, peanut butter and jelly, or, my personal favorite, Nutella.

The sandwich approach to giving positive feedback looks like this:

• Positive Compliment
• Constructive Criticism
• Positive Encouragement

In each instance, we state something specific and believable. We compliment a child on something they know they’ve done well or mastered. It reinforces the idea that they have the ability to do something even when it is hard.

The constructive criticism is the feedback on what they did wrong, but also what they should do instead. Here we don’t tell our children that they are “bad” or even that they are “a bad listener.” We focus on the behavior, which we know can change. We don’t tell our kids what they are as if it were a life sentence, but tell them what they did and what they should do differently.

Finally, we end with a word of positive encouragement to share our confidence that they can overcome this particular challenge and make a change in the future.

An Example of the Sandwich Approach

Here is how my conversation with my daughter went after Mass that day:

“That behavior was unacceptable and I am very disappointed. 

There were two times during Mass when you were listening and singing. When we stood up for the Alleluia, it made me very happy to hear you sign a long. And after communion, I was glad to see you said your prayers. (Positive Compliment) 

But the way you behaved during the readings and when Father was saying the prayers at the altar today was completely unacceptable. You know that we sit on our bottoms during Mass and we listen and watch. We do not get out of our seats. We do not crawl on the ground. We do not whine and cry. We sit on our bottoms and listen quietly. When it is time to sing, we sing together. But we do not get up out of our seats. (Constructive Criticism) 

Now, I know you can do a better job next time. At home you do a great job praying before dinners. Jesus really appreciates when you say your prayers like that. If you can do it at home, I know you can do it in church.” (Positive Encouragement) 

The tone I took while saying all this was unlike anything she had heard me take before. I said a lot more, but this was the basic structure. She felt very sorry. The car ride home was completely silent, except for one moment about two minutes from our house when she said, “Sorry Daddy.” She even apologized to my wife when we got home. And most importantly, she remembered what I had said the next week at Mass.

Like I mentioned, it may be that she’s just a little bit older now. It may be that she’s got a better attention span now than she did a few weeks ago. But neither she nor I feel that bad behavior at mass is just a result of her personality, genetics, or age. She’s not doomed to misbehaving at masses. She can get better and she has gotten better.

How do you make sure improvement is possible?

It’s all about the mindset–a mindset that is formed by the way we give our children feedback. Think positive even when you’re angry.

This article is an adaptation of the principles in the exercise in Day 18 of 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator: “Day 18: Practice Giving Positive, Constructive Feedback.” 

Jared Dees is the creator of The Religion Teacher, a website offering practical resources and teaching strategies for religious educators, and the author of the new book 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator. Jared works in digital publishing at Ave Maria Press managing websites like Together for Life Online and thinking strategically about various forms of media including eBooks, eTextbooks, webinars, websites, and social media. 

Order 31 Days to Becoming a Better Religious Educator and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Copyright 2013 Jared Dees

Here are two apps we’ve enjoyed using together recently.

Note: my reviews are based on the iPad version of these apps. I do NOT have iOS 6.0 because I’m still on the original iPad. Both of these apps work just fine on it, which makes me love them even more. I used the screenshots that are available from iTunes, in part because I couldn’t pry my iPad away from the short people on the day I was writing this review.

Patron Saints

By Our Sunday Visitor; Available for iOS (99-cents); Official Website

This came out as one of three saints-related apps Our Sunday Visitor released a few months ago. (The other two are set up similarly to this one and have been reviewed here at Tech Talk.)

I love that this draws from a database of over 1000 saints and is based on The Encyclopedia of Catholic History, Revised. With all the information that’s available, this is information I can trust.

That, and you can do some really cool Catholic geekiness with it.

We went through and found out who the patron saint of horses was (there were at least four!) and then ran through birthdays of people we knew (ourselves included).

When I hear that someone’s having a baby (or their due date), I make sure to check out potential patrons. (I also use the calendar function at Saints.SQPN.com for this purpose.)

And hey, opening the app to a beautiful image of the saint of the day isn’t bad either.

This is one of those Catholic must-have apps, and it’s also an easy way to familiarize yourself with the huge family we have in heaven.

Saint of the Day for Kids

By Cary Molyneux; Available for iOS (99-cents); Official Website

This is an app that has “genius” written all over it. For my love-to-color gang, printing pictures of the saints is a win on a lot of levels. The summary bios are appropriately written, too.

However, this app comes with a warning (and this should be proof that I’m unbiased): there’s some weird in-app purchasing options. I keep meaning to write a rant about that, and I was largely disappointed by that. The developer 

That said, I paid the in-app option to have it unlocked, because my eight-year-old was LOVING IT so much! When you unlock it, you can move around to whatever day you want on the calendar, and that allowed us to print copies of saints for, you know, every day of the year.

Note: the early version I tested had an in-app purchase option, but it turns out I’m not the only one who was disappointed by that. The latest version, which should be available yet this week in iTunes, will cost $2 up-front, instead of 99-cents and then another 99-cents in-app.

You can look for saints alphabetically too:

And if you’re like us, you have favorites you want to be able to find again.

Overall, we’re happy with this app. I highly recommend it and even more now that the “hidden cost” has been updated..

Read more of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Sarah Reinhard

“Take Five for Faith” is a new, FREE Android app from Truequest Communications. It provides daily spiritual reflections as well as links to daily scripture readings and social networks.  If you feel your phone is already jam-packed or are looking for a new email devotion – this is also available as an email through the Take Five for Faith website.

I love the tag line on the opening screen: “Daily Renewal for Busy Catholics”!   Almost all of us, at one point or another, can relate with being busy … be it as mom, dad, employee, daughter, Catholic!

The daily reflections are in-depth and spiritually rich but not so long as to feel burdensome. 

Maybe you are like me and share that feeling you get when you open a piece of spiritual reading, and you know it’s going to be wonderful but you just don’t have the time you want to give it, so instead of reading what you can, you just close it or save it ‘for another time’ (which never comes).

When I opened this app, I thought, “Okay, if I’m in a line at the bank or waiting for my kid at dance class, I can so read this!”  Everything at this time in my life is measured by what I can do between doing something for others – and while I do make time for myself, I just feel that in my vocation of mother that more often than not, I put my “doing” on hold to serve others.  I don’t neglect my spiritual well-being, as that would not be prudent, but I have to choose those things that can reasonably fill it in the time I have available.

The main page consists of:

• The Current Date
• A Daily Reflection
• List of Today’s Readings
• Quote from the Readings
• Links to Social Network outlets (Twitter, Facebook) as well as the USCCB

Other features:

Search allows you to navigate through past and present reflections and articles by any keyword.

Buttons existed on the app for “Archive” and “More” but they were not working on the current version for Android.  It is a fairly new release, and I’m sure updates and fixes will be out soon. You can access the archives through the search feature.

Even without all the features in full function, this is a fantastic, worthwhile download.  I highly recommend the “Take Five for Faith” Android app.

Read more of our Tech Talk columns.

Copyright 2013 Allison Gingras

This month’s Year of Faith is listed on the USCCB Saints for the Year of Faith.

The month of May is dedicated to Saint Josef Damien De Veuster.

St Josef Damien De Veuster was born in Belgium on January 3, 1840. He changed his name to Damien in 1859 when he began his initiative with the congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary. He prayed every day to be sent on a mission. In 1863 his brother was scheduled to go on a mission to Hawaii, he got sick and couldn’t go. Damien got permission and took his place. He landed in Honolulu on March 19, 1864. Tow days later he was ordained as a priest.

During his mission there was an epidemic of Leprosy. The Hawaiian government thought it was an incurable disease and decided to quarantine anyone infected by deporting them to the neighboring island of Molokai The whole mission was worried about the abandoned lepers. The bishop felt sure that they needed a priest, but didn’t want to send them knowing that it would be a death sentence. So all four brothers volunteered and Damien was the first to go. He left for Kalaupapa on May 10, 1873.

Damien remained on Molokai for 16 years. He died on April 15, 1889. He was 49 years old.

His remains were exhumed in 1936 and sent to a crypt in the Church of the Congregation of the Sacred hearts oat Louvain.

Damien De Veuster was canonized on October 11, 2009.

Hawaiian Chicken Kabobs

3 tablespoons soy sauce
3 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons pineapple juice
2 tablespoons sherry
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1/4 teaspoon ginger
6 boneless skinless chicken breast cut into 2 inch pieces
Bamboo skewers

In a shallow 13 x 9 dish soak skewers in water for about 1/2 hour. Meanwhile in a ziplock bag combine soy, brown sugar, pineapple juice, sherry, oil and ginger. Add chicken breasts and mix well. Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours overnight is best.

Preheat broiler to high. Broil chicken for 10-15 minutes turning occasionally until chicken is golden brown and juices run clear.

Peace be with you,

Veronica

Copyright 2013 Veronica Gantley

Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood

I’d like to thank Brian Caulfield, Editor and Author of Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood for sharing the following information about this terrific new book.  With Father’s Day approaching, this seems like the perfect time to pre-order a book for the favorite father in your life! LMH

About this Book:

The identity and purpose of fathers in contemporary society is more uncertain than ever before. Cultural shifts such as rising rates of divorce and single motherhood, conception through sperm donation and in-vitro fertilization, and the educational and professional advancements of women have confused traditional paternal roles and family unit structures. As a result, a perception has been created whereby fatherhood is undervalued…or altogether unnecessary. But this perception is misguided-especially for Catholic fathers who are vital to supporting the structure of the family unit: the “domestic church.”

In this collection of faith-filled reflections by fourteen Catholic men, the value of a Catholic father’s identity and purpose is affirmed in the context of modern society. Acknowledging our workaholic tendencies and the constant struggle to strike a balance between family life and work life, fathers are provided with a realistic approach to making their relationships with God, their wives, and children more involved and fulfilling.

Blending personal anecdotes from Catholic fathers, models of fatherhood in Jesus’ parables, Scriptural passages, references to other publications, and allusions to Church teachings and figures of authority, this guidebook helps Catholic dads find the path to living as faithful family men through three simple steps: pray, love, confess.
Table of Contents:

• Foreword by Cardinal Timothy Michael Dolan
• Introduction: Dads in Deed, by Brian Caulfield
• 1: The Prodigal Son Meets the Forgiving Father, by Mike Aquilina
• 2: St. Joseph: A Man’s Man, by Rick Sarkisian
• 3: Balancing Work and Home Life: Insights from the Experts, by Brian Caulfield
• 4: Five Steps for Disciplining Kids, by Ray Guarendi
• 5: Good Sports for Kids, by Gerald Korson
• 6: A Father’s Vital Presence, by Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers
• 7: The Best Sex You Will Ever Have, by Jonathan Doyle
• 8: Theology of the Body for Fathers, by Damon C. Owens
• 9: Millennials, Morality, and New Evangelization, by Jason Godin
• 10: Superdad: More Than an Action Figure, by Bill Donaghy
• 11: You Can Keep Your Kids Catholic, by Patrick Madrid
• 12: Repairing a Broken Marriage, by Peter Kleponis
• 13: Breaking the Chains of Porn, by Mark Houck
• Conclusion: Three Simple Steps, by Brian Caulfield

Pre-order Man to Man, Dad to Dad: Catholic Faith and Fatherhood and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase

Visit our Book Notes archives

Copyright 2013 Lisa M. Hendey

Prayer for Gifts of the Holy Spirit for Mothers

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the Holy Spirit. These include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control. It seems that as mothers, we can use an extra helping of each of these.

Dear Holy Spirit,

Please help me to love my children even when it is hard: when it is 2 a.m. and the baby is crying, or the two-year old is having a tantrum, when the six-year old is telling me he hates me, or when the teenager has just slammed the door for the 167th time.

Please help me to have joy in the little moments. Please help me to appreciate the smiles and fun that my children have, to rejoice in the small gifts that come my day amidst the hard work of parenting.

Please grant me the gift of peace, peace in my heart even when the whole world around me seems to be in turmoil. Help me extend that peace to my children so that they can grow up knowing that peace, not violence, is the answer.

Please help me to have patience, patience, and more patience. I can always use more! And when that supply is used up, please help me to find just a little bit extra.

Please help me to treat my children, and all those whom I meet, with kindness. Let my children know by my example that kindness can change the world.

Please help me to be good. My children’s eyes are always upon me, and my actions speak much louder than my words. Help me to be a good example to help them learn how to live.

Please grant me the gift of trustworthiness. Help me to be a person of my word, to say what I mean and mean what I say. Help me to honor my commitments and keep my children’s confidences.

Please help me to be gentle with my children’s hearts. Help me to remember what it was like to be a child. Help me to offer all the support and healing to them that I can.

Lastly, please assist me with my self-control. Help me to keep my desires and weaknesses in check. Help me to put my children first. Help me to be the best mom that I can be.

I ask this through the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen

Copyright 2013 Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur

A

Aren’t we great?

Always running around serving,

Acting like a combination of Martha and Mary.

A+ Mums, right?

Think again.

When we refuse to give up control, we shut out the power of the Holy Spirit. In fact we end up acting just like vacuum cleaners when it is God’s job to purify our family in His power, mercy and grace. He needs us to simply be conduits of his Love. It is by Christ’s suffering that mothers and their families are healed, not by the mother acting like the sacrificial lamb or the scapegoat of the Old Testament.

Isaiah 53:5

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

As a mother, I am wired to work emotionally just like a vacuum cleaner,sucking up all my children’s pain. Likewise, my children are compassionate vacuum cleaners as well, who attract other people’s negative emotions. They are all aware that they learned this dysfunctional behaviour not only from observing Michael and me in action but also because they have inherited this trait from both of us.

This problem, The Vacuum Cleaner Syndrome, is a difficult disease to cure. As my daughter and fellow vacuum cleaner, Katie, asked during a family discussion,

“How can one vacuum cleaner help another vacuum cleaner?”

Four of us around the circle smiled and laughed at the image.

Then I blurted out, “Why, show the other vacuum how to reverse the hose and blow out the dirt, and not suck it in and collect it.”

That comment released waves of uncontrollable laughter that actually did blast clean air through all of us.

Compassion and empathy are vital in close relationships but my tendency is to try to fix my husband and kids by hoarding their pain within my heart.

Do my seemingly selfless reactions weigh me down?

YES.

Is anyone fixed or set free as I sacrifice my peace and happiness to try to help my family?

NO.

Does this Vacuum Cleaner Syndrome destroy every one’s peace and joy?

YES.

The good news is that a silly image that pictures mum as a vacuum cleaner does reverse this self-defeating, addictive pattern because it makes it easier for everyone to understand how ludicrous I have been. The laughter that follows releases the tension used to keep emotional pain locked up inside.

Jesus is the only vacuum cleaner who has the ability to literally suck up every one’s emotional pain, sin etc. and then blow in joy, peace and new life back in. The only prerequisite is to give Him permission. This is the great exchange; surrender dirt and receive the bright, clean breath of God, then laugh at how long it took you to let it happen.

Let’s entrust our kids to God and Mary’s intercession.

Mary is the Queen over all things: “Queen over all things” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 966).

Entrust our cares to Mary: “Holy Mary, Mother of God…we can entrust all our cares and petitions to her: she prays for us as she prayed for herself: ‘Let it be to me according to your word.’ [Lk 1:38] By entrusting ourselves to her prayer, we abandon ourselves to the will of God together with her: ‘Thy will be done,’ (CCC 2677).

Mary is Advocate, Helper, Mediatrix. “…the Blessed Virgin is invoked in the Church under the titles of Advocate, Helper, Benefactress, and Mediatrix.’” (CCC 969).

Copyright 2013 Melanie Jean Juneau

• Today’s Scriptures
• USCCB Video Reflection
• Saints of the Day

We begin a new ordinary liturgical time today as the readings rapidly change from the great festival and solemnity of Pentecost.  We start with a magnificent deuterocanonical  Wisdom book called Ben Sira or Sirach.  An elderly and venerable priest said in introducing this book:  Read the passages slowly. When finished go outside and take a good look at nature. There you will find its interpretation.  The Wisdom of the Bible is extremely practical and often very sharp and funny.  Sirach, however, is special in that it was used by the Dead Sea Scroll community who had copies of it in Hebrew and Greek. It is not part of the 24 books of the Hebrew Scriptures. Ben Sira or Sirach. His name is Simeon in the Hebrew text and Jesus (Joshua) in the Greek text of the Septuagint.  The book contains many proverbs, liturgical texts, moral instructions for the young and maturing, maxims, and counsels and encourages us to seek wisdom or Sophia, the word for Wisdom in Greek. Observing the wisdom of the Torah is the highest form for it entails doing God’s will and being obedient to the precepts and commandments of God. The Greek version was made by the grandson of Simeon ben Sira.  We will enjoy some liturgical passages for the coming ordinary days in the liturgical calendar and do well by relating it to nature and all of God’s creation.

This year we jump into Mark in the liturgical seventh week of ordinary time in order to regulate the movement toward Advent the beginning of the liturgical year.  Our passage describes an exorcism of Jesus who restores a young man to his father.  Both the crowd and the disciples seem to be arguing over the condition of the boy or young man; only Jesus is able to heal him and cast out the demon.  The scene is vividly described by Mark who brings out the strong character of Jesus as he not only confronts the demon but also chides all who surround him for their lack of faith and trust in the power of God.  Fortunately, the father of the boy does have some faith and Jesus helps him to grow in it.  He, the father, cries out, “I do believe! Help my lack of trust!”

Jesus asks a lot of questions in the Gospel of Mark that are not found in the other Gospels.  We may wish to meditate on them and let them penetrate our own souls to learn from the scene.  How do I respond to Jesus’ questions and some of his stern statements?  What can I take from this powerful healing?  Do I have some addictions that seem to be a little demonic?  Can I cry out as the father of the boy does and ask Jesus to help me grow in trust?  Why does Jesus tell me and those surrounding him that this type of demon can only be cast out by prayer?  Why does this event happen shortly after the Transfiguration of Jesus? The Scripture commentator, Paul J.Achtemeier writes, “That final reference to prayer tells us that the only appropriate response to Jesus is total, trusting reliance on God’s power, which is the attitude of prayer as well as of faith.  Yet the story also assures us that however imperfect our faith may be, Jesus is nevertheless able to overcome the evil forces at work within our lives.” Amen.  P.S.  Welcome to Ordinary Time!

Copyright 2013 Fr. Bertrand Buby, S.M.