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Jackie Zimmerer

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Tutoring Lyuda

One morning a couple of weeks ago, in one of those bittersweet moments that have a way of marking time as "before" and "after," I put my tea pot up.

That doesn't sound like a big deal, but the action brought me to tears. Why? Well, that is a long story.

My tale begins one Sunday morning in the spring of 2001 when Albert walked into the bedroom as I was getting ready for church and announced that we needed to try to adopt a daughter.

The sudden statement knocked me for a loop.

Please don’t get me wrong. I understand that I have a lovely family; I realize to the very depths of my heart that I’m lucky beyond words to have been given four wonderful sons, seven years as a full-time mom, five of them homeschooling, and a plethora of volunteer work to pledge my talents to. For these and my many other blessings I am deeply grateful.

BUT… there are moments when I long for a daughter. Albert and the boys have known of that desire for years and are real dears when I feel cranky and outnumbered by the sheer male-ness of my household, especially when testosterone seems to be dripping down the walls. Then there were (are?) the times, especially when the boys were younger, when simple tasks like attempting to purchase clothing for myself seemed to call attention to what I didn't have...

“But Mom, this is GIRL stuff…”

Humph…last time I looked I was still a girl. Sometimes that fact seems to get lost in the shuffle.

Although Albert and I talked about adoption numerous times, we’d just never done anything about it…until that fateful Sunday morning. After a family meeting in which our sons wholeheartedly supported the quest, Albert and I decided to look into domestic adoption via the foster care program.

The next day we began our journey…and a voice from Child Services suggested we check out the web site to see if there were any "available children we might be interested in." I don't know what I expected, but THAT wasn't it. The whole thing felt degrading, sort of like staring through a pet-store window at puppies, trying to pick out the Right One.

I wasn't picking out a new pet...those were children!

Still, we decided to go on with the process, then, relatively quickly, we came across several heartfelt objections (the deal-breaking kind) to some of the mandatory governmental requirements and restrictions. THEN… we looked into out-of-country adoption but found that we weren't anywhere close to being able to fund that option (the pesky more-month-than-money thing again…). So, when our own ministrations fell devastatingly short, I put the whole thing in God’s hands.

If we were supposed to adopt, the Lord would have to make it happen.

Part of me wishes this were the tale of how the Lord put a little girl (or two, or three?) on our doorstep to take and raise as our own. But, alas, that doesn’t seem to be in His plans. It’s been three years now…and we’re not getting any younger...and still nothing so far.

Nothing, that is, except a periodic, heart-rending, bone-deep longing to share the gifts the Lord has given me with a daughter for a change.

Right now seems to be the appropriate time to digress and share that I spent much of 2004, and now 2005, praying about my family’s growing need for extra income. The same more-month-than-money issue that stopped out-of-country adoption began curtailing visits to the grocery store as fuel prices soared. Everything was (is?) going up…insurance, taxes, cost of living ... everything, that is, except Albert’s paycheck, which took a huge hit in his employer’s downsizing of 2003. Things were getting so tight that, at the beginning of the summer of 2004, I looked into getting a part time job. Gratefully I was quickly offered a position but, after more prayer, felt led to turn it down.

Yup, you read that right. I told them no. <sigh> Sometimes the roller coaster ride that is faith in God’s plan can be a bit taxing. First the Lord asked me to look for a job, and then He seemed to be urging me to turn it down. Why couldn't He make up His mind?

It was a difficult, yet remarkably simple decision to make…and the fact that, after six years of being a full-time Mom at the time, I could still find a job was a boon to my ego. Yet there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that the Lord DIDN'T want me to take that particular position and I felt deeply at peace with the decision.

But… the experience didn’t help our bank balance a bit.

Later that summer, in another of God’s quiet coincidences, I was given the opportunity to tutor the son of a life-long friend. The young man had encountered difficulties in mathematics and had failed a state mandated test.

I had only met with the twelve-year-old a few times when I began to suspect that, somewhere along the way, the quiet, intelligent young man had simply missed something crucial…and without any means of testing him, I couldn’t quickly find it. That alone wasn’t a problem. We just needed to keep working backwards until we reached a starting point, but he was soon to begin seventh grade and was facing Texas’ infamous “No Pass, No Play” rule. Since he wanted to play football, he didn’t have the luxury of time on his side.

After a few sessions I encouraged his mom to have professional testing done. Although I needed the money I was being paid for the tutoring sessions, it seemed in his best interests to be referred on. Within a week, professional testing showed a significant gap in mathematical problem solving skills that was the foundation of most of the other deficiencies. The decision was made to have the boy do several weeks of work at the testing facility’s learning center.

Once again I found myself turning down an opportunity to make extra cash. Unsure of what the Lord’s Will held in store, but knowing in my heart that I was doing the right thing, I took a deep breath and let go.

“Okay, God,” I thought, “this, too, is in Your Hands…”

As is His way and in His mercy, a couple of days later I received a phone call from Debra, another childhood friend who now lived down the street from my family. It seems that my name had once again been mentioned as a tutor, this time for her ten-year-old daughter who was struggling in math and language arts.

That fact that was hardly surprising since Lyuda had only been in the country for three years. Adopted in the Ukraine at the age of seven, the lively child had come a long way, but still needed tutoring to catch completely up. Would I consider working with her long-term?

God’s ways are certainly not our own…and when He answers prayers, He doesn’t do it in half measures. She didn’t have to ask me twice; I jumped at the chance.

Lyuda's mom had no way of knowing how much we needed the extra money. She also didn’t know that her request to tutor the dark-haired ten-year-old came at a time when I was struggling with the fact that my boys have grown up so quickly, nor did she have an inkling that I was again wrestling with the desire to adopt.

Somehow, I think God must have been smiling at me that hot July day because Debra's providential phone call gave me a chance to share my time and talents with a very special little girl three days a week.

Lyuda is extraordinary in her love of learning and I’ve never had the privilege of working with a child (including my own!) who tries as hard to learn as the bright ten-year-old does. In addition, her parents are loving and supportive in the desire for the daughter-of-their-hearts to have the best education possible…and I found myself deeply grateful that it was in the Lord’s will that I be part of Lyuda’s education.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons quickly took on a simple routine that became a delightful part of my week. The tutoring sessions all began the same way. I picked Lyuda up at school, then listened intently as she told me about her day on the drive home...for the first time in my life I was privileged to be the recipient of little-girl after-school news.

Once we reached my house I fixed her a snack which was usually accompanied by a pot of herbal tea. One of my favorite moments of the day was when Lyuda would stare fascinated at the stainless steel, whistling tea kettle while we waited for it to heat up. She loved the shrill call the hot water made that told us it was time to prepare our afternoon pot of whatever-flavor-we-chose-that-day in a much-used white and blue ceramic tea pot with an already badly cracked lid.

At first we served tea in some of my pretty china cup and saucers but she quickly showed a preference to my simple white coffee mugs. As the months passed, she even learned how to pour the hot liquid from the ceramic tea pot AND keep the lid on (something <snicker> that still challenges ME!).

Then, one day a few weeks ago, God caught me by surprise when He unexpectedly answered my continued prayer for extra income in a way that made me catch my breath. In His providence, I was offered a part time job that exactly fit our needs -- but it came with a heavy price. Three afternoons a week would need to be spent in a Dentist's office in a nearby town...

...and that meant I had to give up tutoring Lyuda.

On our last afternoon together, I did my best to be brave, until, that is, her dad drove away that final time. Once my charge was out of sight I began to shed soft tears fueled by mixed emotions: acute sadness that my time with Lyuda had ended, profound gratitude for the hours I was privileged to share with her, combined with an attitude of expectation about the obviously heaven-sent, much-needed answer to my family's financial needs.

As you might expect, the transition from tutor to dental office has been bittersweet. I enjoy the new position that provides additional income, allows enough flexibility to continue homeschooling my two sons as well as continuing the volunteer work I love so much. Wearing career clothing again after so many years sometimes feels like I'm a little girl playing dress up and the Dentist I work for is a good, Christian man...but every time I see the white and blue ceramic pot or those partially-used boxes of tea in our kitchen pantry I am reminded of my young, three-afternoon-a-week charge.

And thus my memory-laden tea pot is now in the china hutch...and if the level of difficulty I experienced in penning this Zimmerer Tale is any indication, I think it may need to stay there for a while, too, or at least until I get used to the new order of things. But although I still miss my young student, looking back I realize that, at some time during my nine months with Lyuda, something unexpectedly wonderful happened. One afternoon pot of tea at a time, the Lord granted me a deep sense of peace that has softened the pain of my unanswered prayer for a daughter.

Instead He blessed me with the time I spent tutoring Lyuda.


Copyright 2005 by Jackie Zimmerer

Jackie and her husband, Albert, have four sons, ages 21, 17, 16 and 14. Visit Jackie's blog  "Zimmerer Tales:  Living a Live of Abundance on a Budget" at
http://zimmerertales.blogspot.com.  For information on having her speak to your group, Parish, or conference on issues that affect Catholic Moms/Wives or about Homeschooling, email Jackie at azimmerer@ntin.net  

Amazing Grace for Mothers
Amazing Grace for Mothers will lift your heart and send your spirit soaring. You will laugh, you will cry, but most of all you will refresh your mothering through stories of love, inspiration, miracles, and God's amazing grace. This collection of 101 stories will bring you the warmth and support of other women, all dedicated to the same glorious role - motherhood.

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