I use to envy those girls in high school, the ones who looked “perfect” in skinny jeans. From my point of view, they were lucky. I had gained some weight the summer before my freshman year and was embarrassed about my heavier body. In the past, it didn’t really bother me, because my main focus was my schoolwork. Now that I was in high school, I wanted to feel pretty and have boys notice me, at least a little. Not that I was shallow, but I felt there should be some kind of change once I got to high school. As it turns out, nothing changes. I was still the shy bookworm and my brother’s little sister.
After I had lost the weight and met my now husband, I achieved more confidence about my body. My weight continued to shift a little through the next few years. But now after giving birth and losing even more weight, I am one of “those girls.” Being viewed by outsiders as one of the “lucky ones” does not make me feel any better about my body. I guess it doesn’t matter what the mirror or the scale shows, my body image will be what I decide it is. “Perfect” is arbitrary and I will have to continue to work on how I see myself.
Copyright 2010 Tanya Weitzel