Editor’s Note: Today we welcome new contributor Patricia Bolster to our CatholicMom.com family of bloggers. Trish and her beautiful family live in Pennsylvania, where she manages to find time for writing amidst her life as a busy mom. Welcome Trish — we’re so happy to have you as a part of the family! LMH
Although I had not had a sip of coffee yet, I was in a pretty lighthearted mood this morning (love those days!). I was getting dressed when my 4-year-old son Joseph walked into the room. On a whim, I picked up a small plastic statue of St. Joseph off my dresser (we are about to put our house on the market, so we are pretty St. Joseph heavy these days!). “Hello, Joseph,” said the statue to my son (in my best statue voice). Giggles!
The conversation continued, and I could see my Joseph’s delight at this unexpectedly happy mommy (trying to get everyone dressed, fed, and out the door does not often bring out my giddy side!). But, it was a Saturday and we weren’t so rushed.
When my jaw hurt from my best statue voice, the Joseph/St. Joseph conversation ended with, “Be a good boy today, Joseph. I’m watching you from heaven today!” The smile vanished from my Joseph’s face. He walked over to the bed and looked sad. Puzzled, I waited.
“I don’t want to go, Mommy.” I wondered if he was talking about the grocery store (I didn’t really want to go either). “To heaven,” he replied. OH…pretty serious topic before coffee!
He continued, “Do you want me to go?” The answer welled up inside of me…NO! NO! NO!..at least not until I’m there to welcome you, that is. Innocently, he had hit on one of my biggest fears…losing him (or one of his siblings).
I’m still a new mom (my oldest is not yet 6), but I used the reassuring tone that defied my feelings (I assumed this was the proper tone) as I told him that nothing would make me happier than if he went to heaven. This is the TRUTH…but, suddenly I wanted to go back to our silly statue talk about Spiderman.
I gave him a hug and turned away. “Will you be there, Mommy?” A memory rushed into my head of myself at age 4 asking my mother if I could hold her hand and go up to heaven with her. I still remember the shock when she said no…the raw emotions are still the same when I think of it today.
I told Joseph that I would love to go to heaven. I told him in the simplest words that I could how I’m trying to be a good mommy and wife so that I can go. That I mess up (a lot), but I tell Jesus that I’m very sorry so that I can go. This seemed to make him very happy. He ran off to join the stuffed animal birthday party that his sisters were busy creating.
Our day went on. Thank God, it was pretty uneventful. We even took the kids to the mall this afternoon…a few other people had this idea on a hazy, hot, humid Saturday afternoon too! As I continued with the daily grind, I kept thinking about our conversation about heaven. Some thoughts were so peaceful, others brought tears to my eyes, but all forced me to remember my final goal on this journey. I prayed to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton (who lost a child) and St. Gianna (who left her children). I asked that they intercede for me. It felt good to know that they are rooting for me. I might just have to take on the persona of a statue more often…but, next time, I think I’ll have my coffee first!
Copyright 2012 Trish Bolster