I find myself embarking on a new adventure. For some reason, I see myself on new paths each and every year. It’s like God wants me to hurry up, get on board and with the agenda he planned. Each passing year, each adventure I may venture through, alone, or with my family, I do feel, I have learned something precious, supernaturally valuable to my own personal, spiritual journey. Each lesson has been marked on my soul. Each mistake, each success, every moment has been for a purpose, and unfortunately we don’t always get a glimpse of that particular purpose at the time. Hindsight helps us to see God wanted this, or that, in order to be better prepared for a future that He has planned.
I heard once, the Holy Spirit blows, this way, then sharply that way. Honestly, I admit it, lately I have mentally, emotionally and yes, even physically felt like a leaf blowing in the Autumn wind, ever bending to the Will of someone else. As much as I like to have a certain amount of control in life situations, this fleeting and floating here and there, can be a very freeing thing when I think about it. It’s a surrender.
Twelve years I have been unemployed. 12 years I have been spending my time raising 5 children. It’s been a gift, one of the greatest. I know how to keep myself busy, not only with the children, but volunteering in my church, area family programs and in my kid’s school. Four years ago, I began writing again. It’s a passion I’ve had since I was in Junior High, writing short stories. I started to keep journal entries in High School after an episode of “Doogie Howser, MD”, if you can believe it. He was a thinker, that character, and needed to keep a kind of digital record and explore his feelings. I could relate to that.
After college, writing slowed and life happened. I got married, had a family and taking time for myself was so rare. And when my beloved encourage me to ‘type’ again, I was unsure if I still, not only had the need for it, but if I could actually formulate real sentences, paragraphs even. I was in babble mode with a toddler, feeling capable was not even on my radar. He encouraged, and I relented. Man, I love him. He knew what I needed, and indeed, I have been writing ever since. I am the Stay At Home Mom at Work. One day he believes I will write my book. He’s a dreamer. Yes, I love that too. It keeps me dreaming as well, as I tend to be practical, and focused on the here and now.
Fast forward to September 2012.
Dentist informs us three kiddos will need braces, one kiddo immediately. Dentist tells husband, he too needs Ortho work. Did you know most insurance companies don’t cover Orthodontic work? It’s considered cosmetic. Interesting, my daughter has an extreme over bite, and it’s cosmetic? I simply hope she will be able to eat properly, top molar meeting bottom molar. I know any reader here can do the math. Mom’s gotta help.
Monday I start work. Yep, I am re-entering the work force, albeit on a part-time basis, but never-the less, a paid position. Having mixed feelings is an understatement. I’m conflicted on all fronts. I’ve been a promoter, a fighter for, and defender of the Mom who gave it all up to raise her children. I’ve encouraged anyone and everyone who could, to at least, give it a try. Your kids will thank you for it.
Am I a hypocrite now? I am the heart of my home, and my heart is always there. My kids have been my life, since my oldest was born. I filled my days with and for them, making decisions all for their benefit. This one….well, this one is too, for their benefit.
I have convinced myself of every benefit this new job will bring. I have prepared my kids for this adjustment, and not once admitted the why it must happen. I don’t want them to carry the guilt, that their teeth are making me work.
I am happy to work, if it’s work for them. They just don’t know it. And the realization that they don’t quite understand the ‘why’, at least not right now, makes it truly a gift for them, that down the road they will appreciate. They will. Sacrifice now, for reward later. Isn’t that ‘Mom’ in a nut shell?
An adult’s smile is their calling card. It’s the first thing others will see. It’s a first impression. I refuse, yes, I refuse, to have them hide their smile in their adult years, because they are embarrassed of it. I hope and pray for a future for them that is filled with wide open guffaws, tilting their head back in laughter because they can’t contain it. I want them to be confident, happy and secure with who they are.
So it’s a sacrifice right now, for me. I do believe, God had a hand in how this position actually landed in my lap. He acted quick. I was offered this position, without even filling out an application, or sending a resume, the week after I made Orthodontic appointments. I simply trusted my husband, when he told me, “Make the appointments, we’ll figure it out.” How God can bless an obedient wife. And I mean that with all the respect in the world for every woman, wife and mother!
So my plans for writing that great American novel, will get delayed a bit. Big deal. There is no rush. I’ll get to see my children’s bright and beautiful smiles for the rest of my life.
What wouldn’t I do for that?
Copyright 2012 Sahmatwork