Why I Can’t Read or Watch Fifty Shades of Grey

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Why I Can’t Read or Watch Fifty Shades of Grey

It’s the middle of the night.

I make my way stepping over toys to the kids’ room in search of my husband.

I find him half asleep and rocking our four-year-old son who has been experiencing night terrors.

In literally only a couple of hours my husband will have to get up and go to work for his family while we all sleep in.  It hardly seems fair to the man, having to suffer through the night only to wake up and go provide for his family.  However he does it, every single day, out of love for us.

That, to me, is a man and that is exactly why I can’t read or watch Fifty Shades of Grey where the main character, Christian (I hate that he is named this) Grey, ties up, beats up, and practices all sorts of “BDSM” (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) on his girlfriend.  And the girl, Anastasia, she’s in love with it, or him, or at least can’t seem to live without it or him, right? Healthy.

Here’s the thing: people, women especially, will never come to view Fifty Shades of Grey in the destructive, shameful light it should be cast in unless they have experienced what real masculinity and selfless suffering look like.  Unless they’ve encountered what it means to be in fully committed relationship (i.e. marriage), with someone who dies to themselves everyday, or in the middle of the night if need be, for them and their family, then a smut book like Fifty Shades is all mindless fun and games.

That isn’t to say that married women and mothers haven’t read the book by the droves.  The book alone has sold almost one hundred million copies globally.  Mom-porn is the term, I believe.  Are you kidding me?

Wives, is BDSM the sort of sexual relationship you want with your spouse?

Is Christian Grey the man you’d want for your daughters? If you have a daughter, the thought of any man abusing them in such a way as Christian does Anastasia, and having it glorified as sexy, should spark immediate disgust.

Is Christian Grey the man you want your sons to grow into?  I can’t even entertain the notion of any of my beautiful boys as Christian Grey without wanting to move to Timbucktoo just to avoid them ever exposed to the normalization of such perverse acts.

To those who say they would never do what’s in the story, but they don’t see the harm in reading the books and seeing the movie, please consider this:

Purity of heart is important and I submit to you that convoluting that purity with a story like Fifty Shades dampens your sense of God and therefore, right and wrong.

If you can’t tell the difference between what is good and what is bad, then what’s to stop you from making seriously unhealthy decisions for your relationship?  From ‘experimenting’ or, from the get-go, choosing the wrong person to be with?

May the wise take heed: in reality, sexually impure acts, whether they are to the degree described in Fifty Shades or even if they take a less violent form, such as cohabitation (equally destructive over time), is the emotionally codependent path upon which many bad relationships tread for a long time.

Don’t do it.  Avoid the allure of twisted temptations sold as exciting.  Stick to the loving, selfless acts of charity that build up your spouse, family and yourself and upon which all healthy relationships are based.  All long lasting, sexually fulfilling marriages as well.

Copyright 2014, Marissa Nichols

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5 Comments

  1. Thank you for this article. My husband of 26 years sacrifices daily to take care of us. He struggles personally with depression also, yet we go forward. Fifty Shades of Grey really ought to be Fifty Shades of Shame.

  2. Excellent article, Marissa, and I appreciate the courage it took to write this. Women, men, families…we all deserve better than what those books are offering.

  3. The thought of this book disgusts me, and I have not read it despite numerous people recommending it. As I was getting my hair cut last spring, the other women were abuzz about the book, and all agreed their teenaged daughters should read it. I explained that a woman psychiatrist felt it was pedophilia as Anastasia was initially described more like a pre-pubescent young girl than a young woman.

  4. It would really hurt me if my husband looked at pornographic material, and for that reason among many, I can’t read this book or watch the movie. I love my husband too much to do that. He works tirelessly to support our family and to help families who are experiencing grief. I just respect him too much. Thanks for the article!

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