This is a journey I surely didn’t want to take, especially because of the rocky relationship my son has with his father. Our situation reminded me of the lion from The Wizard of Oz. As he joined Dorothy down the yellow brick road, it wasn’t easy for him at all. He was so scared, but what kept him going was the hope of receiving courage from the wizard.
The thought of having to let my son go, for weeks at a time, was very scary. I felt exactly like the lion; it was bittersweet. I wanted the summer to start, but I didn’t want to share my son. It would be different if my son’s relationship with his father were good, but it isn’t. I needed to find a way to get the courage to do what needed to be done in the most positive way for my son.
I knew about this arrangement for months, and I would pray about it, get mad about it, and struggle within, trying to convince myself that it was going to be okay in the end. The struggle became a bit overwhelming until the day I took it to Adoration in an honest way. I sat with the Lord and told Him about the struggle, even though I knew He already knew all about it. The difference is that even though He did know about it, I needed to give it to Him and really leave it with Him. I needed to get out of His way for Him to do what needed to be done. I left Adoration, not with a solution but with an interior peace.
This peace, this gift, from our Lord, was a reminder that I can’t struggle on my own. I have to be very honest with the Lord and say, “I need help; I am scared,” which basically translates to “Lord, I don’t trust you!”
Again and again, the Lord in His love and mercy is reminding me that I will handle it because He will give me the courage to do whatever needs to be done in order to give my son the support he needs. Perhaps the Lord is using the timing of this to help me build up the “courage muscle.” Being courageous has always been my weakness.
So, my son has already spent a week with his father. It wasn’t perfect, but we survived and God is letting us both know that He’s got this and us. We just need to trust that He does.
Copyright 2019 Elizabeth Estrada